Arlene
Devoted March 2020

Venting just to Vent-no advice needed input appreciated if you would like

Arlene, on November 26, 2018 at 8:14 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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Hi so I have to get this off my chest.

My fiance and I both have 2 people we plan to remove off our bridal party if things continue to go the way they are but our wedding is still a year and 2 months away that we have plenty time. One of them is his best friend well one of his best friends and one is one of my good friends. Both are in the same boat as far as being single and living life to the fullest, I am not one to judge but now that I am engaged I feel even stronger about this. I always do not agree in anyone cheating, idc who you are I personally don't like it and am the person to notify you of your wrong doing if it comes my way of opinion or if you ask me for advice or my input anywhos, one of my BM met a new guy and he is still married he claims he is separated but i call BS because he doesnt spend the night with my friend and he still lives at home with his "daughters mom" and he states they plan to divorce but it has not happened so I am already assuming he is FULLY married. I called my friend out for being immature and messy with this when she asked for advice about what she should do and I told her that she is disrespectful no matter what he says because end of the day he is still married and she should not even be in that situation. My FH same with his GM the guy I mentioned earlier he has been living his life but 1 female in particular he has bragged about to us annoyingly is a friend of my old coworkers (small world) and I was informed she is married too and this friend of my FH is aware and doesnt care. He says the same thing "they have issues they want to divorce from what she says" but I also call BS because that is not what I have heard. My FH told him that it was not okay and not to bring that around us and he better watch out being in that situation not trying to wreck a home and just be careful of what consequences can happen with a risky situation like that. My FH and I believe in the same thing, both of these 2 are messy and it is disgusting to disrespect marriage let alone any relationship and condone cheating. We love them to death friendship wise, but how can you have 2 people in a bridal party celebrating a marriage if you don't respect marriage at all with the situations they partake in. We have plenty of time to figure it out but we told ourselves we will figure it out sometime around June-July next year to finalize our decision but at this rate if they continue to be messy and think it is okay even if it means losing friendships, we rather not have them in our wedding supporting us as a married couple just because we feel they do not respect marriage at all whether it is ours or not.

Advice NOT Needed as we already spoke about it to each other about what we want to do but open if you would like! Yes we chose our bridal party earlier on so for those saying its too soon, not necessarily because outside of their adventurous lives they are AMAZING friends. This too me is just hypocritical to be supporting our marriage but insist on putting sexual and personal needs first before respect of anothers marriage. We wouldn't mind them as guests but to stand at the alter next to us, we want people who not only support us but have the respect of us being married and understand how important marriage is to us and in general and I just find it weird how one can stand by me or him during this wedding when they do not respect marriage at all. The thing also is we think our friends may know how we feel as they both told us when explaining or bragging about these affairs " no offense to you guys you guys getting married is different I do not want you to think anything else." Both of them have stated comments around if not the same as this from what I think is because they were not pleased with how we reacted.

I just had to vent and let this out to other future brides out there.

Thank you for listening if you did lol

10 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You said they're amazing friends, that's all that matters here. What they choose to do with their personal life is none of your business and has absolutely nothing to do with you or your wedding. You don't have to agree with it, but it doesn't change their ability to be a good friend or to be in your BP. You're setting yourselves up for drama that you have no business sticking your nose in.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Agree with PP, there are A LOT of assumptions here about these people's personal lives yet no reason for how it affects you.
    Some people dont believe in marriage, it doesnt make yours any less important. Life isnt black and white.
    Are you really willing to lose "amazing friends" over this? Because if you remove them from the BP, you will no longer be friends with the.
    • Reply
  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
    • Flag
    Oh that’s a lot!! I do See where you’re coming from, like how can you support our marriage if you don’t stand behind the validity of marriage itself? I look at both sides though. On their end it’s like their personal lives have absolutely nothing to with supporting you and your FH on your most important day. But on your end I get the idea of you don’t support what marriage really means to me so how can you support me? Like for instance if you and you FH were in a bad space in your relationship would these friends be likely to encourage cheating because of how they’ve participated in marriages in the past. I see your problem. Idk if I’d remove them from my party though, But like you said you do have plenty of time to make that decision.
    • Reply
  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    You’re absolutely right and that’s why half of us plan to keep them in the wedding HS is not a nice feeling and you don’t feel so content when they’re talking about what they did everybody is different I get that they do claim that they respect marriage because they laugh about it and say if that was them on the other end they would kill them meaning if they were the ones getting cheated they would kill the other person and crack jokes about how it’s not fair but they laugh about it because if not then I’m not trying to be rude I do believe both of them have some self concerns about them on selves that they’re dealing with because of how they talk about it we have both asked them privately not to speak about it around us because we feel uncomfortable I don’t feel like it worth messing a friendship up no but my wedding is that my wedding And all wedding show to be memorable respected and honored. Yes you don’t respect other people’s weddings and marriages and maybe will respect ours but like the other post stated to me that saying if we were to get in a fight they are encouraging and have no problem with the other person having an affair and it’s as if marriage doesn’t matter to me I don’t like that and it doesn’t sit well with either one of us
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Just because they don't respect their own marriage doesn't mean they can't support yours. Until they start trying to cheat with you or your FH, I see no issue here.

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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Yes exactly their friendship like I stated on the other person’s response is worth keeping and it’s not worth Losing. But at the same time I choose my bridal party for those who Love ya, respect that and appreciate our friendship as well as support our marriage. It’s very uncomfortable to sit there and have your friends explain to you how honored they are because they believe in marriage they believe in one they believe and two people reuniting their love for one another in becoming a whole they believe in all of that but they also laugh at the fact that other people who are in marriages are getting played. We both asked our friends not to talk about it around us and they understand their kind of embarrassed about it but they also laugh about it if we were to ever break up or argue I don’t expect either One to encourage the other person to cheat or do anything crazy but it didn’t sit well with me knowing that you can encourage someone to cheat on their spouse. Them talking about it makes me sick to my stomach and I don’t agree I mean if you flip the script and you think about it as your future husband having an affair on you when you just took this off to be married and somebody else is laughing about it it makes you turn your stomach and me and my future husband talk about it as much as they are good friends yes everybody is different but we want The people in the bridal party to support our marriage and see it as that if people don’t believe in marriage that’s fine we know some of those people who don’t and they’re not in our bridal party nor would they want to be our care and that’s fine but these are two people who claim up and down marriage is important and this and that so it’s just feels very uncomfortable.
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  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Thank you unfortunately I wish I could see it like you but I don’t I feel uncomfortable about it. So it is my future husband I didn’t think of it as such a big deal until he brought it to my attention about how uncomfortable he fell and I realize I felt the same feelings I thought I was just overreacting at the same time but when I realize both of us felt that way. You don’t see an issue and I wish I could feel the same way as you but the problem of my post is I feel that issue and I feel there is an issue with all of this.. for me and you are both different and that’s why I realize there is no good advice to this at all because at the end of the day you and 100 people could tell me how you feel whether it’s the same or not it won’t change how we feel that’s why I think we both know what we want to do and it’s just give it time
    • Reply
  • Arlene
    Devoted March 2020
    Arlene ·
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    Sorry to anyone who thinks my words are confusing I’m talking into my phone so I don’t realize it’s not writing it correctly
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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't wanna have people like that in my bridal party, just saying. I respect you for being so thoughtful in your decision making process and I hope it works out for you.

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