Hi WW Fam,
Just a vent session today, I had to get it off my chest to follow brides. So me and FH have our bridal party set in stone. He hasn't been able to give his invite to his last possible groomsmen yet because he moved out of state few months ago and we were going to mail it however as we did everyone else he sent a text to him first asking if he would like to be a groomsmen (let's just call him John). We assumed yes because FH informed John and his wife of him planning to propose and coudln't do it without John standing by him at the altar in which John was very excited for. After FH sends text, John tells him "cannot guaruntee it but will let you know" My FH was really sad considering how close they are and how excited John would talk about being a groomsmen, we figured maybe its cause they moved to a new state had their 3rd baby it is just a busy time for them. Come to find out John's wife calls me and tells me that she feels bad and had to get it off her chest that John turned down being a groomsmen because she wasn't invited to be one my bridesmaids and she felt left out. I explained to her that originally we wanted them both but they had 2 kids with 1 on the way and if both of them were in the wedding someone would need to watch the kids. Also when they came to visit in December, we kept insisting and asking to hangout so we can talk to them bout the bridal party and give John his groomsmen box but they never made time or had time to see us so we let it go. Johns wife insisted that this would be the 3rd wedding John was invited to a bridal party but she wasn't and that all 3 including us were closer to her first and family first. Quick Backstory- me and John's wife go back from high school and met him through her. I told her I didn't add her because she would of had a 1 year old and 2 other kids to watch and I figured the mommy would wanna be with the baby but she insisted the kids would not come because they wanted to enjoy as a couple and drink at my wedding. Long story short..she mentions a few more times John will be a groomsmen if she is a bridesmaid. I explained once again that I already picked out my bridal party and I would of added her if I knew the kids weren't coming but since they couldn't hangout when they came to town and talk about it she never informed me so i had no idea, I explained again that if I had put her in it 3 kids would of been unattended. She just apologized and insisted again that John won't be in it unless she was in it and he felt bad since she felt left out.
So after that long novel/rant, I just feel really sad and dissapointed, I understand they are married and their bond is more important so I cannot be mad, I am just sad that because I didn't put her in John told my FH no. My FH is pretty sad and dissapointed himself, I feel this is kind of selfish in a way as I have been in 2 weddings without FH and I never would of said no because he is not in it and vice versa but than again we are different. John and my FH are very close but I know as many husbands John wouldn't want to dissapoint his wife. I keep hesitating to add her in just so FH can have John by his side but the same time our bridal party is already at 7 (including John) so if I add John's wife I would have 8 plus my Jr Maid which is too many. FH doesn;t want to ask anyone else to finish the 7 as he was really excited to have John but now that John said no, it breaks my heart. I want my FH happy and will do what I can if that makes John be a groomsmen but same time I do not want to add John's wife because I feel she is coercing me to do it out of guilt. FH told me not too as he is now pretty dissapointed and kind of upset and does not want to plan our bridal party because of someone else's influence, he feels that she was being selfish and if that is what John wants then he said he won't debate over it.
Not much I can do, but yea anyone who came this far reading this, any thoughts?