VENT: Groomsmen advised not going to attend the wedding!

Hey date twin! Ugh that is rough! We had a groomsmen drop out a month and a half ago, because he took a job up in alaska. I know its not the same at all but I completely understand being upset. Is there someone he can ask to step up to make things even? Thats what we ended up doing, but if wenhadnt we just would have made do with uneven sides.

Ugh, that sucks!! I'm really sorry. Some people just don't get it and are completely oblivious as to how their actions effect others. It's not just an uneven wedding party, but it's someone who you genuinely wanted standing next to you blowing you off at the last minute and not being concerned about it. I'm worried about this happening with two of our groomsmen - they're FH's good friends but they are not the most responsible people in the world (they were supposed to have their tux measurements done at MW by the end of December and are still dragging their feet, I'm making FH have a conversation with them - this is what is expected of you, if you can't make it work we understand, but you need to tell us now rather than wait until the last minute)

I don't have experience with that but I understand it's frustrating! My soon to be brother in law is an alcoholic that I have never gotten along with, he has tried to hit me before! He was three hours late to his grandmothers wake and we aren't sure if he will bother to show up let alone the fact that he may get arrested beforehand! I am going to be worrying about it up until the time he shows up to the wedding and even then there is a good chance he is going to get drunk and we are going to have issues! The ONLY reason he is a groomsman is out of respect for my FMIL. The groom doesn't even want him there. So on the plus side at least you can plan now! I know it still isn't a great situation but try to think positive!

That sucks but my guess is that it has to do with finances - he likely hasn't booked his flight yet and can't afford it.

And you don't need to replace him. Anyone you ask at this point is just going to feel like a last minute replacement. It's not an honor with less than 30 days left. So don't listen to that advice. Uneven sides are fine.

There is no way I am replacing him. I have no problem with the uneven number, I figured one guy will get 2 girls and it is really only for walking out of the ceremony and into the reception so not a big deal. Plus the uneven wedding party can lead to some interesting photos. I just can't believe he is backing out with less than 30 days. I doubt it is money, I feel it is more laziness in requesting the days off work or something else u as I am pretty sure he already had his plane tickets and I know he already went to get sized for his tux. I feel so bad for FH as it is one of his best friends and FH was Best Man at his wedding.

Yes- my MOH backed out about a month before the wedding. gave the same reason- claimed she couldn't get the time off work. yet had told me before she had it off and it was all set. the she said 'I didn't have it off' but didn't explain how that could be.

no matter what the work situation was, the whole thing was after her not wanting to get measured for a dress, was given several different options on getting one, borrow, me sew it, long list.

there's many reasons why the whole thing was fishy to say the least, but she had taken about a week off for a cruise just a few months before the wedding.

so that and many other things didn't smell right. I finally just decided that she was going to borrow a dress from me, or recycle a bridesmaid dress she already had, I asked her to bring it. particularly after the cruise, I decided to just cross my fingers that it would all work out, but decided not to fire her as MOH. my best guess is that the opportunity came up to take the cruise instead of coming to the wedding and she took it.

so it ended as it did.

That sucks about your GM. It would be terrible to not have a person that close to you show because of work.

I am going to ask you to look at another side of the work situation. At my current job, we have to put in all of our vacation for the year in January, then wait to see if the time off is approved. I will have to state that the only first choice days I got were for my own wedding. Its possible that your GM is in a similar situation- just because he may have asked off work to travel and come to RD, that doesn't mean he is actually able to take it ( hence time off REQUEST ). Just keep that in mind too - he may have done everything he was supposed to and is as just as bummed out as you are.

I just dont understand why a best friend would do that?! It certainly doesnt sound like something one of my best friends would do. Did your fh talk to him about it?seems there must be a better reason. And Mrs Y, respect or not, I would have said hell to the NO he's not going to be a groomsman. Maybe an usher but not a groomsman

I don't think it's right and I have never been this way, but people get real selfish with their vacation time also

Some people can't request leave until 30 or so days in advance. Perhaps he did just find out he couldn't get the time off, even with the advance notice he had. If someone had seniority and requested the same days his could have been rejected. Or it could be financial as Emily said. It's unfortunate but it happens.

You know, it is a bummer, but you really have no idea about his personal finances. he could be having problems and doesn't want you to know that. Be forgiving. If he has been a good friend to your FI all these years, he is still a good friend. Not being able to attend your wedding doesn't define how good a friend he is - he may be having issues you know nothing about.

From the other side: my ex was going to stand up in his friends wedding. He got a new job three weeks before the wedding. He told them about the wedding and that he needed the time off. Everything seemed ok until the week of the wedding when he was told if he did come to work that Fri and sat he wouldn't have a job in Monday. And yes, it was a 6 he drive so he would have missed both days. sometimes even when you take all the right steps it doesn't work out...

That sucks that he couldn't let you know before now. You are so close to your wedding. I say that it is his loss. I am sure it will put a damper on their relationship which also sucks! Keep your head up! your wedding will be great no matter what!

I'm sorry you're having this issue, hope it works out.

That sucks, can your FH talk to him and see what exactly happened?

At my work, all vacation requests for the next vacation year (April 1st to March 31 of the following year) are due Jan 31. All requests are taken Into account but seniority wins. The schedule is usually posted end of February. So in my case, I would have found out last week if my vacation was approved for your April wedding, even if I submitted 8 months ago.

It hasn't happened to us, but I am a bit worried about my FH best man. His wife is pregnant and I'm praying she doesn't have the baby too close to our date or my FH best man may not be able to fly in.

It sucks for your FH, it is definitely the loss of his friend. He's going to regret not being able to attend. On the bright side, one less boutonniere to purchase.