Vegan Wedding--Rude? Experiences?

Truth be told, I think it is inconsiderate.

I get the belief but I also rather my guests enjoy themselves and not go hungry.

I am having 4 courses and 1 of them is seafood. And I am already ensuring that my venue will serve something different for the TWO guests who do not like seafood. They are not allergic either but I know they won't eat it so I'd rather them have a nice salad instead of watching others eat an extra course.

I would like to add that I would never expect them to have non vegan food if they are both die hard vegans. Why should they provide something that they cannot eat themselves?

It's not rude, vegan is a lifestyle. They legitimately believe it's immoral to use animal products in any sense or contribute to animal slaughter. If I was going to the wedding of a vegan couple, I would expect it to be vegan.

That being said, I'm a vegetarian and serving meat options at my wedding. I don't have a moral opposition, I just don't personally eat meat. But I know a lot of vegans don't feel that way.

It's like going to an Orthodox wedding and being like, where's the lobster?

So how come when people come on these threads posting about dry weddings because it's their religious belief, everybody jumps down their throat and says its rude to not properly host your guests who might have a different belief? Same thing, IMHO

Eh. It wouldn't bother me but I think this falls into the category of not forcing your moral beliefs on someone else. If I were morally against the consumption of alcohol (not necessarily for a religious reason) and was aiming for a dinner party type reception, I would be considered rude and many people would be telling me that I shouldn't force my personal, moral views on alcohol on other people. To me, this all falls into the same category. Whether for different taste pallets or for allergies, not everyone will enjoy a vegan meal and this can result in a lot of hungry guests potentially leaving early (the argument generally made for dry weddings) to go pick up something to eat because they're starving.

I'm vegan. We are having a choice of meat or a choice of a vegan meal. Same as the fact that I'm in recovery from alcoholism, and we are still serving alcohol. Not everyone has this or that requirement, if you are hosting other people, it's customary to give options.

OP has 4 options, and there is only one that she can't have due to an allergy. If 4 options is not good enough for you, for a single meal in your life, then maybe you should re-evaluate your eating habits. Vegan food does in fact fill you up, speaking as a meat-eater myself. Anyone who doesn't think so has not tried enough of it.

With some of the comments above about, "why should you expect them to have meat when they aren't partaking" is the same way I feel about alcohol, but yet I'd be picked on if I chose not to have alcohol based on the fact that other people drink, I realize that other people drink and I realize that other people eat meat. I don't particularly agree with either but since I am hosting I want to accommodate everyone. Also, I have verified where the company gets their meat and though I don't like any of it, I appreciate that they use locally sourced ingredients that are pasture raised etc, not a factory farm.

@Kim, it isn't against anyone's religion to SERVE alcohol. Just to drink it. It is actually against a vegan's ethical code to serve animal products.

I think you may be overthinking this and being overly picky. I think you're thinking "omg vegan, it's going to be vegetables and seitan and tofu. Ew!" But lots of foods you probably like and eat on a daily basis are vegan: Oreos, Doritos, crescent rolls, pastas, etc. In fact, their menu could easily be "salad with Italian dressing, pasta primavera/marinara, rolls, veggie side dishes, apple pie." Does that really sound unacceptable to you?

Of course, if you have real dietary restrictions, speak up. But according to Emily Post and other etiquette websites, only allergies/food restrictions should be brought up, not food preferences, if someone is serving you dinner. For example, someone who is allergic to carrots should speak up and tell the host about her allergy. However, someone who just hates carrots should suck it up.

I'm a very picky eater (crohns) and know to eat before an event, bring snacks, and possibly eat after because it's likely I won't be able to eat the food. I think most people with food allergies/intolerances do this. If they don't, that's a big planning fail on their part. It's not reasonable to expect to be fed exactly how you like at every event if you're a tricky eater.

Personally I wouldn't feel properly hosted on a vegan-only menu. I would likely eat before the wedding, or not attend at all. I understand it's the couple's beliefs.. but what does everyone say? Once you invite one guest it stops being about you? yeah.. can't really make exceptions to that unless you want to be hypocritical. Just as I wouldn't expect my veggie/pescetarian friends to eat the sirloin at my wedding, you cannot expect everyone to live off of meatless, cheeseless, all kinds of other ingredients-less food.

I don't think it's rude. Most vegans I know are extremely against animal based products for moral and economical reasons. Why would you ask them to compromise that? I'm sure if you communicate with the bride they can find an option you don't think is icky.

To me it's the same principle as an alcoholic or someone who doesn't drink for religious reasons choosing not to serve alcohol at their wedding. Those people are always told to consider their guests, not punish them, because not everyone believes what they believe or has a drinking problem. I think that it's great that they're vegan and would maybe be fine with a MOSTLY vegan menu, but I think there should be some non-vegan options to accommodate non vegan guests.

Just wanted to come back and say thank you for all the opinions everyone. It really helps to see all sides here.

It's not the same thing as having a dry wedding. There is no religion that says you cant' serve alcohol at your wedding.

@futuremrsmack hit the nail on the head. I am not vegan for religious reasons, I am vegan because I have a huge heart for animals and factory farms disgust me. and I am also an alcoholic in recovery, despite that, I'd still be told it's effed up to not serve alcohol. Why is the meat any different? We are serving both a meat option and alcohol. As far as veganism being a lifestyle, yes it is, as is my recovery. That's more of a lifestyle to me than the fact that I don't eat animal products!!

*edited for clarity

@StPaulGal Some people have sensory processing disorder. Personally, I cannot eat certain foods because of the texture. I gag when I try. That doesn't make me less of an adult. That means my body processes differently than yours.

I am slowly transitioning to being vegan (I slip up often which is why I said transitioning lol) but I am on the side of not rude. Yes it's important to accomodate your guests. They are providing what sounds to me like delicious food. My dad isn't vegan and he doesn't eat ANYTHING unless it's a buffalo wings or a corn dog. I am not exaggerating. Should I provide a corn dog option for my dad because he doesn't know how to spread his horizons? I think they should have definitely provided an area to list allergies along with your meal choice, as they do use a lot of nut and soy products. But I think this is a moral issue and can hold true. I am 100% in agreement with Richard. I wouldn't expect anyone to compromise their beliefs because I was picky or not used to their food (and I also have the UO of dry weddings not being a big deal to me if it's any sort of a moral issue). I also have friends whose families cook completely traditional middle eastern foods for their parties and events. Culturally different foods may not be everyone's cup of tea but are you going to tell them they should provide an American option? Probably not. This is where I draw the line on properly hosting your guests. Giving them properly catered food is properly hosting. It's not their fault if you don't like mushrooms, or tofu, or whatever other list of foods you don't like.

Take out religion completely in regards to alcohol. If someone came on here and said they are morally and ethically against the serving and consumption of alcohol. Religion has nothing to do with their viewpoints. They're not a recovering alcoholic. They're also not trying to cheap out on their guests. They, like a vegan, are morally and ethically against the serving or consumption of something. We're saying it's okay for a vegan couple not to serve meat and that guests can go one night without a meal that contains some sort of animal byproduct. Are we saying the same thing applies for the couple who doesn't want to violate their own personal moral beliefs and ethics by not serving alcohol? Because a guest can go one night without an alcoholic beverage just as much as a guest can go without meat at a vegan wedding.