uninvited guest on RSVP

I dont have any good advice, but I will be looking to see what advice you get, I know I'm going to have almost the excact same situation with one particular family member

Honestly, if it's putting you over budget or going to cause problems I would say call them up and let them know that you reserved 4 seats for them and that's it. That is really rude to invite someone like that and I'd let them know it's not OK.

I would politely call and tell them that only the addressed individuals can attend due to budget. You do not know the girl nor do you mean to be rude but you would appreciate it if they could follow the guidelines because an extra mouth is not in budget

Even though it's rude, I would be okay with letting it slide IF I knew this would be the only time this situation will happen. I just sent out invites last week and have gotten 4 responses. I don't know how many people will end up attending since it's too early to tell. And if this does happen again and I let this one slide, then I have to let it slide with everyone else too...which could cause problems! So this decision will set the standard for any other similar situations I might get so I want to make the right choice!

Put a stop to it now!!

I had and will probably have this problem again. Wedding costs add up fast and for you to have to cut guests you actually know and have someone who doesn't can be bothersome.

Edit to add: it can be frustrating to have someone you don't know just show up.

Diana, you need to set the tone for your day. If you can't afford it say something now. This is happening to me as we speak. Everytime someone self invites I speak up. This is not a social event for people to come hangout at this is your wedding. You should not be stressed over something like this when you have total control. Weddings are not cheap!!!!

I agree with Diana and Berts Girl, say something now the longer you wait the harder it's going to be be strait forwad and tell them +1's arent an option that you've already had to cut people you really wanted at the wedding and it's unfair to them. If you put it that way I'm sure they'll understand.

Just tell them she puts you over your budget, and like other have said, do it now not later. Just politely tell them that you have not invited other people because you had no room nor the funds to do so. But be prepared for the back lash, and for maybe the cousins son not to go...

If you are uncomfortable with saying that you can't/don't want to feed another person, maybe say that you have a strict seating arrangement and can't not add extra seats?

I think that the best way to put it would be to say "We really appreciate that you want to share our day with other people, but we only alloted for the people that mean the most to us to be able to come, I'm sure that you understand that simply cannot invite everyone." or you could play the "misunderstanding card" and just call her and say, I'm sorry but I noticed that you put 5 people on the return RSVP, there must have been a minsunderstand because we are only able to reserve the 4 seats for your family.

I think Jennifer K is on track. I would tell them due to space limitations you can only accommodate the 4 included on the invitation. Don't feel bad as you did nothing wrong. I cannot believe how rude people are when it comes to things like this. They would not just show up to a dinner party with any extra person so why is a wedding any different.

I would seriously call them & tell them "i'm sorry, but there only can be 4 people from your side, we dont have any extra space"

1 thing that I have ran in with my parents when I told them I can not invite about 20 people on their list because we paying on our own, we can not afford it... & both my parents said & my grand ma also that all these 20 people will bring $$ with them & it will be enough to cover their plate... well thats nice & great, but can they be 110% sure that will happen?? probably not.

I had a boss that between him & his wife they brought home close to 300K a year & they had 1 son.. they were going to best friend daughter Sweet 16th Party at a hall, & my dear boss was complaining about bring $100 for all 3 of them... he wanted to bring $50 total!!! so just because of a cheap ass like that, I'm sorry but I am not putting my self in a debt because someone else wants them to be at my wedding.. when you pay for the whole wedding then you can invite who ever you want

I would probably let it slide like Diane L. said. There will probably be invitees who are unable to attend due to work or other commitments, so it will probably even out. It might make a difference to me whether the son is an adult (over 18) or a child. If he is an adult and his girlfriend was added to the reply card, I would let it slide. If he was a child, I would probably talk to his mother about the situation.

I think that you still need to be polite and try not to be too upset when you speak with them after all they are family. If it is a budget issue, I would politely contact the mother and let her know that unfortunately because of your budget y'all have to be very selective about who is invited and unfortunately y'all cannot afford any extra plus ones. If it is a sticking point for the family, you could always offer to allow her to attend if they are willing to cover the cost of her meal upfront. I truly don't think it would be inappropriate to suggest this especially if it is that important to them that she attend. I would also stress that many people both family and close friends did not make the list because of the budget.

If this is an issue of pride and you just don't want to give them a plus one, I think you should just suck it up and let it slide. I think you just have to really look at your reasons for not wanting to include her. If it causes a financial burden just be honest.

I agree with Jennifer K. Best way to put it.

Personally, I would call and say no she can't come in a polite way. You could have invited an actual friend in that non-existent spot - but instead it will be some random person you never met? No thanks.

Like the other girls said, let them know you only have room for the 4 INVITED guests. But - be prepared for the girlfriend to show up anyway. DH's 17-year-old cousin brought his GF even when we told his aunt we only had room in the budget for the 2 of them. Thankfully we had a buffet, and a few not show up who said they would. But she wasn't on the seating chart, and when his cousin asked about her, DH's stepmom told them why. Hehe.

This can be difficult but people need to call and explain "We are flattered you want to share our day with other people however our venue/reception only fits 50 people. Thank you for understanding." Have a script if needed! Be prepared for them to offer to pay for their extra guests - that is not the point. We are going through this ourselves. People do NOT get the fact that only THEIR name is on the invite, not an extra four people!!! LOL! My FH's friend did this: responded for two people when only he was invited, apparently he got a girlfriend since we last saw him in June.