Touchy subject....estranged father

I say leave him off. That's what I plan to do about my mother.

My thought is...it's just a wedding ceremony program. You do what is comfortable for you and to heck with what anyone else thinks.

Instead of "Parents of Bride" and "Parents of Groom," maybe you could do an acknowledgement section?

"The Bride and Groom wish to thank (x people) for their unwavering support and love, and for the example they have set for us as we begin our lives together."

That way, FS can list his parents if he so chooses, but you have a lot more flexibility.

When my parents divorced when I was 18 my father chose to walk away from us all so I understand the pain associate with this!! I do not plan on including my father in anything...for me I know it wont raise any questions bc everyone knows my situation!! If you chose to leave him off is 100% up to you, and ultimately its your day so who cares what others think!!

Leave him out. I like Shannon's idea. Family dynamics can be very weird and painful situations. No need to pay homage to those who don't return the respect.

Ok, thanks everyone. I do like Shannon's idea and I think I'll do something like that.

I am estranged from my father as well. I'm sorry that you're going through this. My opinion is: if he's not contributing monetarily to this shindig, then you don't need to acknowledge him.

I'm on the fence about inviting my father. We've been at odds for the last 17 years. Rarely have we been able to have a civil conversation. And since FH and I are the only ones paying for our wedding, he will be invited merely as a guest. I was thinking about having my brother walk me down the aisle, but I feel he'll be more suited to be in the WP as one of the groomsmen. His wife (my SIL) is my MOH.

I've decided to walk down the aisle by myself, as I feel it will illustrate where I was when I met FH. I lived alone, and had no one to support me. I want to walk into this marriage reflecting that.

So, back on the father issue, follow your heart, but know that you don't need to acknowledge him if you don't really want to. I'm not.

I'd say leave him off. I think YOUR wedding day should be all about what you feel is right. Your heart goes into finding your husband. Your style goes into planning the wedding. Your mind leads you to the right answers and goals for your future. Why "fake" something for your wedding when everything else has been honest? You know?

In my opinion, if putting your father on anything is making you feel like a publicity stunt or something - which it sounds like is accurate - then I would avoid that entirely.

I too have been on the fence about his area. I have asked my step mother to let me know I thee are coming. My dad is not walking me down the isle, my oldest son is and I have let it be know to my dad that I do not care if it has upset. I only plan on thanking him for coming, I he does, but I'm not putting him in the program.

He's not going to be at your wedding, so who's going to say anything? I personally think that if his main goal throughout your planning process was to give you extra stress, he shouldn't be included.

I definitely agree to leave him off. Ultimately this day is about you and your FH and celebrating your love and future together. You want to share that day with the people you love most, and who care about you as well. If you include him in anything wedding related, against your better judgement, it will weigh on you. I completely understand, I am experiencing a similar issue planning my own wedding right now. Do what makes you happy, and the people that love you will understand. Take a cue from Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Enjoy this!! You've only got FOUR DAYS left!!

This is a very emotional time for you and everyone else involved. You might want to look at it from another perspective. My only suggestion is to think about when you look back on this day.

Which do you think is more likely:

Looking back and being upset that you let him in.

Looking back and being upset that you kept him out.

If you think you are likely to work things out, then you might want to include him. If you think that having him included will be too upsetting then you should do what is best for you. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Best of luck.

Let's view this from a mirror image as my situation is just that. I have an estranged son,23.We have not spoken in three years since the day I divorced and we sold the family home at which time he said: "F U you MFer!" over a trivial matter as to which he was unclear on the facts (I suspect being egged on to misunderstand as well ).I have moved on and am happy in my life and wish to marry someone I love very much and my adult daughter thinks is terrific. I find the "don't invite him" line of thought as closed off. No, I am not saying he is coming, what I am saying is that it is an opportunity to get a dialog going to see if the relationship can be repaired. I am offering that we meet for a coffee, and then if that goes well, enter into counseling together. If he wants a relationship going forward, then it is up to him this way.It is always easy to say NO, and No's are certain and don't make things better between you. If one is of age to marry, a mature approach should make sense.