To prenup or not to prenup?

I agree it's aiming for divorce.

A prenup only makes sense if one or both of the parties has received an inheritance or a settlement in the seven figures. If what either party is bringing to table is in the tens or hundreds of thousands, it makes sense that this money will be spent on the couple and their family -- such as, a home, a car, or vacations, etc. If either party is a millionaire, yeah...I get it.

This is my second marriage - do it! My ex almost got some of my grandmother's jewelry in the divorce because she passed during the marriage, so it was joint property. I had to give up alot to keep that out of his mother's hands! My FH and I already did one that anything we came in with is ours and any tangible objects from our family remains in the family. He was fine with it.

@Centerpiece Not necessarily. You can protect future interests too....For example if you go full JK Rowling later in life, and your prenup already protected individual incomes, you might be happy about that if things took a turn for the worse. Future interests are something our advisor recommended protecting. We didn't do a prenup but I absolutely see the benefit in that side of things as well.

I would do a prenup in a heartbeat. My ex came after my inheritance, and my parents aren't even dead yet! He wanted 1/2 of what I inherit when/if they die. The only reason he knew about their financial situation was that when we were married he saw their will. You absolutely don't know what the future will bring. It's all fine to say that you don't believe in divorce, but it may not matter because you can't control everything in life.

I think any partnership, be it a business arrangement or a personal one, does better if both/all parties go into it knowing exactly what's expected of them. That's all a prenup is, and there's an endless amount of information you can choose to include in there.

Because of some bad family history, I'm wanting to include specific circumstances about my blood family and their interactions with our future children, because it's that important to me. We've talked about our future expectations, we'll have it on paper before our wedding date, and there will be no questions.

The fact that he is self-employed is a very good reason to get a prenup though. If something happens to the business, won't having a prenup protect your assets?

I actually have a relative who made their wife sign a prenup when they got married, but the prenup had conditions I guess. So if they were happily married for so many years, the prenup would become invalid and kind of wash away (of course in front of a lawyer and etc.) I don't know if that's a thing, or if that's just something that they did, but sounds good to me.

Pre-nups are like umbrellas: better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

We talked about it but decided not to get one because we don't have any substantial assets worth protecting with a prenup. If we did, we probably would have gotten one.

Fall Bride. It's like everyone has a will. The one the state provides or the one people specify. Perhaps you're giving weight to the act of soliciting and customizing a prenup? In that case, you don't have one. But in the event of a divorce, your state will have a procedure in place. Just like if you die without a will, the state has it's own way of distributing your estate.

Yikes Llsa! That doesn't sound like healthy communication at all!

Lisa, sorry for your angst. Is the issue that FH works in his father's business? If not, it is really FFIL's money.

I believe everyone should do what is best for their situation. If both people in the relationship agree to the terms of the pre-nup- good for them! My only concern is for those that say something like, "I want to make sure we set something up that's fair now while we are in love and not when we've become vindictive in a divorce situation" - or something along those lines. I would be careful of believing you are in your "right mind" now and won't be when you're getting a divorce. As a lot of people have said, a lot can happen over the next 10, 20, 30 or more years. What is "fair" now, may not be in 30 years.

FH wanted one until I pointed out that we don't have anything in our names and if anything I have more assets than him and told him he'd have to pay lawyers. Once he heard that we'd have to pay for it, he completely dropped it.

I don't think it's a hot topic on here and I have seen it come up a few times. I'm surprised it doesn't come up more often.

If we were very different financially then yes we would have one.

But we both came together with similar finances and income and potential so we don't have one.

Nothing wrong with one. Yes it's planning for the worse but it's the same as insurance. It's something you can have so why not. You don't plan on dying by accident but you probably have it. Same with a prenup.

Lisa, then you may not be able to financially take a lengthy parental leave. Many people cannot. It may come down to, are you willing to marry FH even if he inherits nothing?

Haven't read other comments.

It isn't setting yourself up for divorce, its you both protecting yourselves in case anything happens.

I've got stake in one of my parents companies, and as a result of a nasty divorce where one parent tried to take the other parents business, its in my trust that I can't receive the benefits if there isn't a prenup. FH doesn't care for it, but it doesn't hurt us either. We will have marriage property and individual property. Not a big deal.

ETA - saw your date - If you're going to do it, do it soon. Prenups less than 30 days before the wedding may not hold up because it may seem rushed or coerced

ETA: Lisa, saw your post. You need to absolutely have representation and make sure you are covered too. It is yours and FH agreement, now FIL may have requirements protecting his family assets, but he cannot dictate how the whole thing reads - that is ridiculous. Sounds like my mom when she brings up the prenup - I don't think she realizes that FH needs representation too.

I find the naivete of some of the comments refreshing, but at the same time, scary. I married, years ago, and neither of us had two nickels to rub together. I was married for many years, and over time, my salary increased to 3x his and it was that way for years. Most of what we had was due to my income. When we started the divorce process, he said to me...."well, it doesn't matter that I cheated it's a 50/50 state (FL), so I'm entitled to 50% of everything." So yes, we got married because we loved each other and I had no intention of getting a divorce. Things happen, people change. It's life. It's sucks sometimes, but it happens.

I love my FH and he loves me. We both have no intentions of ever divorcing. However, I make a signifcant amount more than he does, and I have considerably more in my retirement. I trust him, but I'm not so naive to think "it couldn't happen to us." The first time he ever mentioned marriage, I told him I wouldn't do it without a prenup. I meant and he understands. I have an appointment with an attorney in a couple of weeks.

As a lawyer, my opinion is that it is helpful to make such decisions and agreements when everyone likes each other, in case there is a separation in the future. Divorces can quickly escalate to really ugly situations and a prenup can help to ease this burden. Also, as a business owner your FH can be exposed to many liabilities which you would not want to have responsibility for should you separate. BUT PLEASE GET YOUR OWN LAWYER TO REVIEW AND NEGOTIATE THE PRENUP DO NOT JUST SIGN WHAT YOUR FH'S LAWYER DRAFTS.