Threesome as a wedding present?!

In every way my marriage have everything to do with self respect. I'm just saying.

@Angela What if the OP, like many users here, is an atheist? I know damn well my marriage isn't glorifying some random diety. Please don't assume marriage has anything to do with religion.

ETA fixing punctuation

ETA: I can't even respond to Angela's comment. Respect the fact that people have different beliefs, please

If you want to have your marriage openly, then yes go for it. If not, then no. Also, this won't be a one-time thing. If your FH wants to have another one, he may mention you've done it before why not again. If you're feeling insecure now, wouldn't you feel that way again if he decided to have another one? Wouldn't you feel insecure during the process if you think she's better, hotter, kinkier, etc. than you?

Angela: Many people who participate in threesomes have self-respect. Some are even religious.

Not all wedding ceremonies include "promise," "faithful" or "honor." (Fun fact: Jewish weddings don't include vows at all.) Even among those that do, not everyone believes that a threesome that both agree to violate those promises.

So nothing you are saying is universal.

I'm pretty sure the OP was aware that those who are fundamentalist Christians typically don't agree with a choice of threesomes, and didn't need "reminding" of that fact.

Angela you're implying that the choices others make to include multiple sexual partners has nothing to do with self respect. Get off your high horse, what works for your marriage doesn't always work for everyone else and doesn't mean they don't have self respect or respect for each other.

And this is why people have issues with religion.

ETA clarity

@Future Mrs. Scott, I don't think a threesome automatically = an open marriage. And by saying "if he decided to have another one" it sounds like you're taking away OP's say in the matter. I'm not saynig she should or should not, but it sounds like you're assuming that her FH is just going to steamroll any decision she might make in the future if she goes for it and then decides she doesn't want to have another one

Do you but I don't think your honeymoon is the time for it. That is a very special time that I think should be kept between you two.

I'm glad you've reconsidered. I think this would be a recipe for disaster.

Entering a marriage with that arrangement may be way too taboo and it would set up a desired pattern. That being said you are marrying each other, not marrying because you want to experiment sexually. Sex really is about bonding in a physical, emotional and spiritual way. Not a good recipe for a marriage, I think. If you are curious and need to experience this, do this before you get married and then be done with it. You choose the woman, and be careful with strangers -- crazy stuff happens. You need to be with someone you know and trust who won't blackmail you in the future and spread nasty rumors.

Afterward, move on as a married woman who is in love with a man and that love is sacred--not to be shared or desecrated by a sexual cheap thrill. That does not make a successful relationship.

This is a lot to process on daylight savings weekend lol!!!

I wouldn't do this. This sounds like a personal preference but what happens if your husband wants to do this all the time. This won't turn out well. You should really think seriously about it because your marriage is not to be played with.

‘Can I express my amusement with, "I married my dick for a reason: it's mine only"? Because referring to one's husband as a dick is not normally considered a positive.‘

It’s pretty crude and derogatory imo. I don’t think a guy coming on here talking about marrying his pussy would go over too well.

Soooo. I think PP's have iterated much of what I have to say but I'm going to repeat some of it for emphasis.

1) do not do this as a surprise. The key to open or polyamorous relationships is communication. It only works if communication is involved with every party and 100% clarity all around.

2) if thinking about a threesome is a turn on and you're self aware enough to recognize your own insecurities, you should probably pump your brakes on this endeavor altogether. If you're just a LITTLE insecure or worried it will not work, be it with someone local or abroad. Address the concerns yourself, talk freely with your FI, COMMUNICATE, until you eliminate even the slightest inkling of doubt.

Again, a threesome will not work for your marriage if you experience just the tiniest bit of insecurity in just the planning process.

Because of that, I'd recommend not doing this in the honeymoon, because if you don't confront your feelings and go through with it, how do you think you will feel afterwards? The idea of starting your marriage and worrying about if you match up on a physical level to someone else? Whether it's jealousy or self-doubt, you have to be prepared to let go of all that.

And 3) do this because you want to. Both of you. Freely, 100%. Don't do it just to try to please him, or as a gift. Sex is not a gift. The inclusion of another person is not a gift, as that just objectifies the other person. Do this because it's 100% what you and FI want.

If you can't reflect on the prospect now without feelings of inadequacy, I doubt things will bode well for the future.

Fantasy is sometimes best left at that. I'm all about exploring, but not with my FH's D. That belongs to me and only me.

Also Angela, god will not be present at my wedding.

We have had the same discussion.....I told FH we can have one after we have been together for 8 yrs. Lol.

H and i have been part of group sex in the past, and we both know it'll probably come up in the future too, because it's something we both enjoy. for us it makes us feel closer to one another and it's a lot of fun. a lot of convos about boundaries, consent, safety, etc, happened before we started participating in this kind of thing. make sure you have those conversations with your FH well in advance of your honeymoon. you're the only person who can decide whether this is something you want to include in your honeymoon, but just personally i'd advise that you try and find your third person closer to home and meet them a couple of times before you go all the way. see if your area has any swingers groups where you might be able to meet like minded peeps. unconventional sex certainly isn't for everyone but it can be super fun and bring you closer as a couple! you just have to make sure you're both on the same page about all of it. have fun and be safe!

ETA just saw your update! awesome that you are thinking about having some conversations and figuring out more details before you move ahead.

I've known couples among my friends and some family who did this. They were super ok with it, but then after it happened, it destroyed their relationship. It is so not a good idea. Just my opinion.

I have never had the urge to participate in a threesome but I would never judge anyone's wanting to do it. I am not a jealous person, but I am territorial - that's mine I agree with PP's & am glad you reconsidered doing this as a surprise & will be figuring this out together. Lot's of luck!

If you ever do end up doing this, can I please offer some advice. Please please please for the love of god (but apparently not Angela's god...) do not go on on dating websites and find bi/lesbian women who you find attractive and send a message asking them to be your third. When I was on dating sites, that happened all. The. Time. And it was exhausting and infuriating. It happened multiple times a day. Queer women are not toys for het couples to use to spice up their sex lives/explore sexy times. So, you do boo girl and have that threesome but be smart and sensitive in recruiting that third.