Teen bride?

I can't really talk because I'm 22 but I'm going to anyway. I'm getting married in 6 months however no one opposes it due to our age because I 1. Have a child (not his biological child) who we have been and are raising together and we know we have the same parenting styles and goals. 2. We have lived together and share all finances so we know we can make big financial decisions. 3. We have looked at the finances and how marriage will change that. 4. Both have the same life vision and long term goals as far as education, children, etc.
All that being said if it wouldn't be more beneficial to our family to be married then we'd probably have a very long engagement. If you don't have children then there isn't a lot of benefits monetarily or legally to getting married this young. I thought I knew who I was at 19 but I had to grow up a lot really quickly and I'm still learning. It's okay to take your time. Realistically I know you're still going to get married despite what all these people say. So my advice is to really take in what people are saying and reflect on it. No one wants you to fail.

I'm not sure I have advice on what you should say to people who show concern. I imagine those that do comment on your engagement love you and want the best for you. So as other PP's have said, maybe take some time to think about their intent in bringing up this topic and what they have to say.

I met my FH when I was 16 years old and he was 17 years old. We dated in high school, but I had things I wanted to accomplish before getting married. I went off to school for 4 years (1,000 miles away) and we did the long distance thing for 4 years. It really taught us how to communicate. And I won't lie, it was incredibly difficult. We received a lot of similar comments about just continuing our relationship while I was in school, but I was adamant we could do it and we did.

After college, I wanted to obtain my master's degree, but couldn't afford it at the time. I saved for 2 years (we continued to date) and went back to school when I was 24. We moved in together shortly after (although, it was similar to an in-law apartment at his parent's house while I finished school).

For 2 years, I completed my degree. After graduation, we had more serious conversations about marriage. We wanted to own a home before we got engaged so we focused on saving for a home and moved out when we were 27 and 28. We lived in our home for 1 year before he proposed and we had a 2 year engagement.

On our wedding day, I will be 29 (about to turn 30) and he will be 30 (about to turn 31).

I agree with PP's that it is possible for you to grow together, but you want to make sure you're established first and are able to not only care for yourself, but one another - emotionally, financially etc.

Who am I to say that you aren't meant for one another, when I'm marrying my HS sweetheart in 30 days? I am a believer that it's possible to find your soul mate at such a young age. However, I also believe that you're in a big transitional period in your life and you should really sit down and discuss with your fiance your short term and long term goals. Is getting married something that you have to do right now? Maybe, maybe not. Weigh your options, heavily.

Wishing you the best!

I say do what you want! My FH and I are both 19 and will be on our wedding day. We both feel it’s the best thing to do and we’re super excited!

So forget get all those people bringing you down. If you are both willing to make a marriage work and you have each other’s loyalty, trust, and support then that’s all you need. If you are truly worried then look into couples counseling. I’ve heard it can be really great if both parties are willing!

Also, most of the people telling you it’s a bad idea do NOT have perfect marriages or any right to judge. And even if it doesn’t work out in the end, it’ll be a learning experience and you’ll have plenty of time to figure it out again. But I’m tired too of people saying it won’t work out “because we’re young”. If I’m expected to pay for college, make a career choice, and support myself alone by the age of 18 then I should be able to decide to be married and y’all should be able to make that decision too.

View Quoted Comment No one is judging. We are bringing up legitimate concerns. We have been 19 and we understand the feelings you may have at 19. Many of us have seen or friends go through nasty brutal divorces and no one wants that for you guys. Giving you food for thought and stuff to discuss in pre-marital counseling shouldn't be considered "bringing down."

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"And even if it doesn’t work out in the end, it’ll be a learning experience and you’ll have plenty of time to figure it out again."

This comment is why people are saying 19 is too young. Getting married isn't some learning experience that you should try over and over until you get it right (not saying you can't get remarried). You need to be 100% you are ready financially and emotionally. Marriages do work out at 19, so I can't say yours won't. I really hope it does, the chances are just much lower. I hope that everyone (no matter the age), really ensures they are ready for this. Like your ready to go all in, your ready to pay for marriage counseling when/if needed. Your're not just going to say "well I tried and it didn't work so I'm done now". You have to be willing each and every day to make your marriage work.

View Quoted Comment Hi! Thank you for some of the advice and criticism! When it comes to people that think negatively toward me getting married, as of now I have been saying I will take there advice into consideration. Not a lot of people do criticize my relationship, but the few that do mainly do it because they were coaches of mine growing up and don’t want me to quit playing my “sports”. And I do agree with the not just focusing on the wedding day, cause I haven’t really at all! Before my FH proposed, he made our plan for the future so he could map it out to our parents and they agreed. As of right now, he is graduating this year as a Medical assistant and an EMT, and already has a steady job. Although I just started my first year in college this year, I have a full ride scholarship and have been in a different town, in my own apartment, supporting myself with my our full time job. We have never lived together due to religious views, but do take premarriage counseling to talk about all the issues that will occur. I love the advice and opinions I’ve gotten on here, and would love more! This is just more insight on my relationship.

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This is actually a super immature response, in my opinion. The whole "don't let the haters get you down" shtick is the equivalent of putting your fingers in your ears and going "lalalala" when someone says something you don't want to hear.

People bringing up concerns and sharing their own experiences is not "bringing you down". They are not judging, or saying their marriages are perfect. Part of being an adult is being able to listen to others' experiences and feedback and take advice in a mature way.

My mom got married when she was 19, and has been married to my dad for 30 years. Getting married young CAN work. However, there is a lot of research and plenty of real life stories from people who say that there is a much better chance that your marriage will last if you wait until you're older. I am a much different person now at 25 than I was at 19, and I was convinced I was the height of maturity when I was 19. I was not.

View Quoted Comment He mapped your future for you? Yeah... that's kind of concerning.

FYI You will likely lose your full ride scholarship if you get married before graduation. I worked in college admissions for years before going back for my masters and a change in marital status generally precludes one from even purely academic scholarships. One of my friends in his PhD program even lost funding due to getting married because he was on a specific grant. These are all things to consider if someone is mapping your future for you.

View Quoted Comment Please be careful, because even your full ride scholarship can be affected by marriage. It sounds like you have things worked out, but there's still no harm in waiting, at least till you're done with school.

View Quoted Comment Let me rephrase that: he didn’t map my future, I meant he explained financial plans and how everything would work out to my parents before proposing. We have talked about financial and stuff before, he just explained how it would all work. I have talked to my admissions, and I will actually be able to keep my full ride scholarship even as I get married.

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I have the same situation, almost everyone i know that got married young is either working on a divorce or have already had a divorce. Its really sad. I'm 29 now and just engaged and am SO happy we waited.

May I ask what the rush is?

View Quoted Comment I understand everyone’s concern for waiting a few years, and I completely understand why. But I’m just confused on what would waiting a few years do? I don’t think anyone is really ever ready for marriage... besides financial and the willingness to work through it all: which my FH and I have. I know we will change as people, but isn’t that apart of willingness to make things work?

View Quoted Comment No rush at all, just we both as a couple and our families feel we are ready.

View Quoted Comment There’s no rush then. Being married doesn’t make you an adult. Enjoy living by yourself. Enjoy the freedom that gives you. Wait a bit to be married and you’ll be in a better place to do so. You have the rest of your life to be married.
As I said before, marriage is hard. Enjoy college and focus on your classes. It will all be over soon enough, trust me.

To Emily, who said “If you are both willing to make a marriage work and you have each other’s loyalty, trust, and support then that’s all you need.”
That’s NOT all you need to make a marriage work, not by a long shot. First and foremost you need financial stability. The number one cause of divorce is financial stress. There are a lot of factors you need to make a marriage work - “living on love” will only last so long. I agree that this just sounds like an immature approach.

View Quoted Comment You will develop more independence, develop a worldview, and sense of self. Your brains will be more completely developed. You will be less prone to impulsive and irresponsible actions. You will see the changes in your FS through times of stress.

A lot changes in your 20s.

You both are about to undergo a phase of your life where you will do a ton of growing as a person. I met my fiance at 21 and we are both completely different people now at 26. We're just lucky that we also happened to grow closer and are still compatible... it's risky to get married before this phase, but I wish you luck.

I think you should definitely wait especially if you are starting school. Every friend I have that got married while in college never finished- and now they regret it. If the love is real, why rush it? Unless you have a sports full ride, there is a chance with the difference in income that your scholarships can change (same friends that dropped out of college also had their scholarships cut in half). There is a huge chance that you are not going to be the same person after you graduate, and do you really want to go through that with someone that may not love the true you?

Also, if this bugs you your going not going to be able to deal, because after marriage comes the constant "So when are you having kids" "So? Kids on the way" every which way imaginable. Especially if you are at a church (believe me I know. I'm not even married yet and I'm already getting it.)

But as for your question- ignore it. It comes with the territory. Just say thank you and move on.

My FH and I are 20 and will be when we get married. We haven’t received a lot of backlash, honestly it’s only from my mom. We feel like we’re ready, we’ve been through a lot of life together and there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be with.
That’s a good enough reason for me.

I would probably wait until you get a little farther into school, college changed me as a person. I don't think there is a magic age to get married, and yes I'm sure there's lots of "studies" on the 25 age thing but I know 40 year olds that still act like they're 19, and 19 year olds that act like they are 40 so it's not like waiting until a certain age will guarantee a marriage will end in happiness. The frontal lobe fully develops around 21 (decision making part of the brain), but other than that, most people's brains develop based on their environment and the things they choose to put into it.

My rule of thumb for getting married was done with school, both have steady jobs, are able to afford a house or a nice place to live (not a apt on the bad side of town or living with parents), and being in a good place mentally and emotionally (not getting married because someone died or because you're depressed and need a pick me up). No one in your life can tell you the appropriate age, but I'm sure they will say it was whatever age they got married, so evaluate where your life is at and how stable it is for answering those questions.

I had 2 friends get married in college, one was divorced within a year and the other lived with me and a group of friends with her husband it was super awkward. I think she struggled to connect with other girls at school because most girls wanted time away from their men and whenever they fought it was awkward for the whole house to be around them. May we ask why you're getting married other than you feel ready? What are you missing out on that you can't enjoy together unmarried?