Teen bride?

That’s hardly a teen! My FH and I are 20 right now which people still consider young. What they don’t realize is when we actually tie the knot we’ll be 22. Just focus on what’s most important and that’s your wedding! Ignore any snarky comments from anyone and enjoy your happily ever after.

Most people here think people should wait till mid 20s to get married. Your brain isn't fully developed till then. At 19, you're still learning who you are, what you like, etc.

I'd take some of their advice to heart. Is there a reason you can't wait? Are you stable, with full time jobs, benefits, etc? Are you going to school, because if so, marriage affects your financial aide, and not in a good way.

No matter what advice you get here, people will still say things. You have to decide how to respond. We aren't in your situation to be able to fully explain all of these things.

I personally, will always encourage anyone to wait until they are at least 25+ because every single person I've ever met in my lifetime has not fully developed into self before that time.

While it is possible to have a successful marriage at your age, the probability is realistically lower because it is enivitable you will both grow into a different person and its easier to do so together once you've found common ground through maturity of experience and age.

Mom here. While wouldn't be happy if one of my girls wanted to get married at your age, you are allowed to do so. If you want to be polite to people simply say "I'll consider that" then do as you please

I will ask why you want to get married at this point? Do you have a post high school education (associates degree, or trades school certificate or a BA or BS)? What is your housing situation? Jobs?

I'll share with you what I said with my daughter who is your age before she left for her term abroad even though the situation is different. She was being playfully dramatic and I, also playfully, told her not to decide to leave her program and to run off with someone. She responded with "but Mom what if I'm in loooooovvvvveeee" I simply said "if it's real love it can wait two and a half years" so that's my thoughts, not knowing your specifics, if it's real love it can wait a few years.

Considering all the couples I know who got married around that same age are almost now all divorced or going through a divorce I can understand why people aren't the most supportive. Who you are at 19 probably isn't who you will be at 25. What about school? Careers? Does it really hurt to wait a few years? What if after 21 one of you becomes a big partier and the other doesn't? Yes, there are exceptions, but the odds are not stacked in your favor....

Thank them for their opinion and change the subject.

Are you going to college? I thought I was with the guy I would marry at 19. If you asked me, I was 100% sure at the time. College changed what we wanted in life and needless to say, we are no longer together. I would suggest a long engagement. Divorce isn't cheap.

I can't really tell you what to say to people but there are good reasons why people will give you a hard time about it. I hope you are one of the exceptions, I really do but speaking from experience (married just before I turned 18, filing for divorce at 22) peoples advice turned out to be accurate. Best of luck and look into marriage counseling beforehand.

I got married at 23 and we separated less than a year later. We tried to make it work and we were divorced before our third anniversary. There is a reason people aren't supportive. I would suggest enjoy being you and you may be surprised by how you mature. I will always encourage my own children to wait until at least their late 20s to get married. Good luck.

My parents got married when my mom was 19! (25 years later they are still together and super happy) Those that knew her well knew that she wasn't the type of person to do anything unless she thought REALLY HARD about it and that she wanted to have a family more than anything in the whole world. So she didn't receive much push back or negativity. So maybe you can say things like "If you truly know me, you'd know that I'm doing the right thing" I feel like there's not much anyone can say after that!

My Story: I got engaged at age 20, we waited to start planning our wedding because I was still working on my degree and my parents were still paying for a lot fore me. At 22 I graduated, my fiance and I moved into our first apartment and both got good full time jobs. At 23 my fiance got promoted, we moved into a better apartment and we started planning our wedding. We'll be married in July after a 3 and a half year engagement. The reason I'm telling you this is that it IS possible to grow TOGETHER. A million people will tell you, you guys will change and grow apart, but I disagree. These past few years we've guided and supported each other through a lot, and I know we can get through anything together, and that's what makes me sure about getting married.

Wishing you many years of love and happiness in your marriage

People aren’t trying to be negative or critical. They’re trying to save you from making a premature decision. Most young marriages don’t work. You still have so much growing and maturing to do and it’s naive to think you’re ready for marriage. You’re both going to change so much in the next ten years or so as you navigate adulthood and marrying so young isn’t necessary. You may not see it now but when you’re older you’ll realize what everyone meant.

The comments you are getting are there for a reason. You guys are very very young and like others have said, who you are now is not who you will be when you are 25.

My stepdaughter got married at 18, he was 19. She was absolutely resolute that she was making the right decision for her life and secondary schooling didn't need to be a priority at the time. She is now 30, remarried, expecting her first child and 2 semesters away from her BA.

The more we expressed pretty serious concern the more she pushed away. We took them out to dinner one night and asked them about their plans. I don't mean wedding plans, I mean life plans. Where would they be living, how would they be obtaining health insurance (prior to Obamacare), what were there educational goals, 5 year goals. We wanted them to talk to us about the real stuff, the grown up stuff.

She sat there pretty ticked off with her arms folded and he ran some stuff by us that would have been nice if they had been in a position to make it happen but they weren't. They really struggled after the wedding. 5 years later, and thankfully, no children, they divorced.

She deeply deeply regretted giving up some kind of education or training that would set her up for a future. She also let the decision to marry so young haunt her for a long time.

A prior poster stated to concentrate on what is most important, that being your wedding day. I have to strongly disagree with that. You need to concentrate on your life plans, education plans, career plans. You are supposed to build a life together. Your wedding is one day out of that whole life. Spend far more time planning your marriage than you do your wedding.

When people respond negatively about your engagement what do you tell them?

The best thing you can do is to show them that they're wrong, and that you are ready to get married. This means acting like a mature adult. Some examples:

-Downplay the focus on the wedding...the wedding is NOT what is important. The marriage is what's important.

-Point out that you have other aspects of your life in order--show that you are financially independent and don't rely on the support of your parents (for money, for helping around the house, for transportation, ec.).

-Act mature--don't whine, or throw tantrums, or talk badly about other people.

-Present yourself as an adult--don't go in public in pajama pants, or show up hungover, and focus your conversations on real topics instead of celebrities.

If any of these things is difficult or not true, they you should really think about if you're ready to get married.

And when the topic comes up, just acknowledge it and change the topic, like "That's something we've taken very seriously, but we're comfortable with our decision. So, have you tried these new chips I'm eating? They're delicious!".

Marriage isn’t easy. It’s really, really hard. There are days when you have to make a conscious choice to love that person because you’re just so fed up with them.
As a PP said, if it’s true love, it will wait a few years. There was no way I was ready to get married at 19, though I thought I was the most mature person in the world. People who are cautioning you are doing so because they’re older than you, and they understand how you grow. I also thought my BF at 19 was true love. We had plans to get married. And every day I’m thankful that we didn’t.
Plenty of users here have met their FS at a young age. But most of them wait a while before getting engaged, or have a long engagement. As you get older, it gets harder and harder to pursue higher education. So do that now.
I think if you gave us a realistic picture of what both of your lives look like, we may be better able to help you.

My husband and I got married at 19. We had known each other 6 months. Of course we have a special case as we were in the army and stationed in Korea. I found out I was pregnant right after we discussed getting married and that solidified it. If we hadn’t gotten married life would be much much different. We will be celebrating our 7 year anniversary this year. And having a vow renewal.
Now. Here comes the not so romantic part.
The vow renewal is happening to symbolize a new beginning. For years we shouldn’t have been married. We were both very unhappy. Things were not good, which is a very huge understatement. We were just two very different people. It got to the point of me saying I seriously wanted a divorce for things to turn around. Things are good now. Very good. We worked through a lot. We have grown and helped each other understand things. And our marriage finally makes sense and is satisfying to both of us. Most people’s marriages would not have made it through those years. And it took so much work to turn things around. The things everyone says are true. But it’s not impossible.

I think it depends how seriously they are concerned if they just say something to you, smile and politely say, Thank you for your concern, but it is our journey and we've decided to take it together.

Are you having a long engagement so you can grow and develop your relationship. I was engaged at 19 and thought I knew everything. I thought he was the love of my life. Turns out I was a totally different person after a few years and thank god we called it off. He wanted a family and children and to live on top of his parents forever. I agreed because I didn't know life could be different.

College and internships changed me. I met different people and my worldview changed. I learned life could be different and I didn't have to start a family.

Now I met my husband at 21. I knew he was awesome but completely changed my approach. We enjoyed dating for years. We moved in and learned more about making a relationship work. Taking it slow is so helpful to the health of your relationship. Life is so so so so different after high school.

Im not bashing you or telling you it's a bad idea. I'm saying a lot changes. You don't need to rush into marriage. All of my friends that got married at 17-20 years old are literally all divorced right now (28-30 years old).

View Quoted Comment ^^ this! I studied divorce rates in college (about 4 years ago) and if both parties are AT LEAST 25 at the time of marriage your chances of success are much higher. You just know yourself a little better and trust me when I say you change soooooo much from 19-25, I am an entirely different person!! I am not saying you can’t have a successful marriage young though.
As for advice on how to handle the criticism, just say thank you and keep going. Like you don’t have to fight it or anything at all, just say “I appreciate your opinion, thanks” and move on to the next thing.

Tell them to mind their own business.
My FH and I started dating at 16, and we 100% ready to get married by 19. We're getting married this year (I'll be 25), but I still wish we had done it sooner.

I think it depends on the situation. A lot of people with a religious background get married young and have no problems. Are you established as a couple? Do you both have jobs and financial means to start a life together? Have you done any couples counseling? If you have I would say those are all good signs. If the people saying these things make you nervous it may be because you are unsure yourself, in that case you could always do a long engagement.

My 1st marriage I was 20. Met at 14 and had 4 children together in 21 years. No one ever told me I shouldn't get married,nor would I have listened. Many have great grandparents who married at a very young age. Everyone will always have an opinion,and that's just what it is. My xhsband ruined the marriage, and I swore I was done with marriage. Then here I am 9 years later getting married to a wonderful man who was never married and his family well his brothers wife is a real special s1,. Throwing things out there like why are we getting married? Why should I have a bridal shower when I was married before? Ya some real head turning comments that has made me bitter towards her and now she is off my radar. So let's just say people talk at any age.