Super Picky Sister in law to be...

I would talk to her about why she wants it down. I asked my bridesmaids what they were planning on doing with their hair (So I could tell my hairstylist) and almost all of them said down/curled. Some of my girls feel self conscious or like it was showing too much skin with an updo.

In the weddings I've been in, I've just gone with what the bride wanted. I think it looks nice when there's symmetry with styles.

To me it sounds like the future sister in law is being selfish and self-centered refusing to wear her hair up as everyone else is. Just so she can maybe go bar hopping? That's rude and I would be angry as well. It doesn't sound like the bride is asking that they all wear the same style just that she suggested that one because she really liked it and the other bridesmaids did as well so they're running with it. Then the future sister in law said no she was going to do whatever she wanted. The bride isn't being petty or selfish being upset and she absolutely isn't asking too much to make one small request, ESPECIALLY if the other girls had no issue following along.

OP you absolutely aren't a bridezilla dictator, do what you feel is right.

Rachael, telling someone how to wear their hair as if you're right to determine anything about their hair isn't "one small request." It absolutely is petty and controlling and if I were her FSIL, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I don't take kindly to being treated like a prop.

I am a little biased... I am planning on wearing mine down because that's what I prefer it just so happens to be in my favor that either of the girls I ask prefer theirs up. I think if you're paying for the service she should respect your request.

I'm going to be a bride in a few months my motto has been from the very beginning my day my way. This is the most important day of your life and you should have your way whatever it is.

My SIL asked that all the BMs wore their hair up. She didn't offer to pay and her sister was allowed to wear her hair down. My sister and I were both highly annoyed bc neither of us like our hair up. If she was paying it would have been a different story. I agree with others that if you're requesting an updo at least let them pick the style they would like!

Let her do what she wants....i cannot understand why people make such a big deal about this. Nobody else cares and nobody will notice. I wouldn't let this get in the way of your relationship with her. Let it go.