Super Picky Sister in law to be...

I agree with catlady. A dress COLOR is not a big deal. Wearing your hair in a weird way is totally different. I hardly ever wear my hair up because I get really bad migraines and lots of times, that's triggered BY my hair being up or pulled in a weird way. It's not "oh this color is not my favorite." It's "this is so uncomfortable." If you can't see the difference, then OP may not be the only bridezilla on this thread...

Oh please. It's one day and he who pays the piper calls the tune. This is how poor brides go nuts trying to please everyone.

I didn't go nuts "pleasing everyone" but I made sure my bridesmaids were comfortable at my wedding. I guess it's all about attitude and priorities. For me, my BMs WERE a priority.

You're using an extreme example to make your point. A medical reason for not wearing your hair a certain way is fair enough. This doesn't seem to be the case here.

I wouldn't stress over this. Is it slightly annoying that she doesn't want the hair style you picked out for them? Sure it is, but this isn't something I would get my knickers in a twist over.

Since you're paying, and this isn't a question about whether or not people like uniform bridesmaids or not... I'd go with majority. If MOST of your girls are okay with/want/like all having the same look then I'd insist on it.

If most don't, then I'd tell them to each just pick an updo they're comfortable with.

I do like uniformity but I was planning on letting mine do their own, because I can't afford to pay for theirs. When I was looking for a HMUA for myself I asked them if they WANTED to get either or both done professional. They all asked that I booked them for hair and make up. Later, they asked that I pick a style for all of them, because they didn't want to have to worry about it.

All but one had this request and I asked that one how she felt about it and she liked the idea too. You really have to know your girls.

ETA: been a bridesmaid three times, had hair and make up dictated all threes times. I didn't have a problem with it, and neither did the rest of the girls I know of. Actually paid for it myself too.

Well Nat, if I wanted my BMs to wear their hair up and one said no simply because she didn't feel like it, I would've respected that. But, I'm also a pretty rational person.

I've been in 12 weddings and never once had anyone tell me what to do with my hair, it was always left up to me regardless of who was paying for it. And most of the time it was the bride.

I'm only having one bridesmaid and she can do what she wants with her hair (I am paying for it) however I am all for brides (who are paying) ultimately calling the shots on this one. If one bridesmaid doesn't 'feel like' wearing a certain style I'd let it go too but ultimately I still think it's petty to kick up a stink about something like this.

I think there has to be some reason and compassion with the "you pay your say" argument!

If the bride picks a dress that I can not wear a bra with - I'm going to say something!

If the bride wants everyone to wear black heels but certain bridesmaids have medical issues or can't walk in heels, they should be able to wear black wedges or flats!

Yes as the bride you are setting the style guidelines for your bridesmaids - but they are people too!! In fact, they are your closest friends in the entire world. Don't you want them to be comfortable and happy?

I've always had my hair and makeup paid for as a bridesmaid, but I've never had a specific hairstyle dictated. My friends have said "this is how I'm wearing my hair as the bride, so please pick something different". One bride wanted a braided element in everyone's hairstyle, I requested fairly simple hairstyles and showed several suggestions at every style (up, down, half-up). There are compromises that can be made

I'm not sure how letting BMs wear their preferred style is "trying to please everyone." If anything, it's one less detail for me to worry over. And that pleases me most of all.

Here are two of my bridesmaids who had the exact same hairstyle as I did - half-up with the rest loosely curled. I think you can tell who the bride is

I really disagree with most of these comments, if you are picking up the tab for the hair, you have every right to request that they all have up do's. Now since you are paying 'technically' you can also require a specific style butttt I would really just stick with saying it has to be a up do, but whatever one they like.

It is ok for some brides to want uniformity when it comes to hair. Is the fsil against updos completely? Could you sway her on another style?

Here's the thing, in the weddings I've been in where the bride picked everything about our look I felt like a prop, not a friend. In the weddings my hair, makeup and accessories were my choice, I felt like the bride was actually honored to have me stand up next to her.

How a bridesmaid wears her hair will not affect "your day".

I have never once been in a wedding where myself and the bridesmaids did not ask the bride how she wanted our hair. I have always asked, and I have been met with 3 responses, either, whatever updo you want, half up half down, or whatever you want! .. And all of my bridesmaids asked me, and I told them it was up to them (even though we are paying for it).. so I am really not understanding why everyone is sort of against this.

There are several times this comes up where we all say 'well if you are requiring a certain look, you have to pay for it' and OP already said she was paying soooo.. what's the issue?

ETA: it would drive me nuts if I had chosen to have my hair down, and all my bridesmaids expect one had it up.. aesthetically that would just annoy me.

@JuJu Like I said earlier, if OP is insisting everyone does an updo then its fine if she is paying. But I think people are just pointing out that focusing on such a small detail like bridesmaids hair is a waste when it doesn't have an affect on the overall wedding.

When I was in my best friend's wedding, the bride paid for hair and makeup and only asked that our hair style not match hers at all. I didn't see a problem with that, I get it and she's paying so I'm not going to say anything. So I would look at FSIL's inspiration to see how similar the styles are, maybe?

The popular opinion has always been if you were requiring your bridesmaids to get there hair and makeup professionally done than you have to pay. I think most people here would agree that you shouldn't force someone to do or wear something that makes them uncomfortable even if you are paying. Do you think ww would tell me its ok to make my bridesmaids wear superhero costumes as long as I am paying for them? No probably not. Some people are not comfortable in a strapless dress, some are not comfortable in heels and some may not be comfortable with their hair up. The dress color is a terrible example because changing the color of the dress would effect flowers, décor exc. How your someone has their hair done or what kind of shoes they have on literally effects nothing. It doesn't matter how much you want "uniformity" everyone has different hair colors and textures and it will look different on everyone anyway. The overwhelming popular opinion has always been that your friends, family and guests comfort trumps your vision, every time.

If you are paying, than she should do what you want her to do