Strip Clubs for Bachelor Parties

@beachwedding - I, personally haven't vetoed anything. FH and I are in agreement. I think a lot of the anti-strip club people here aren't trying to tell their guys what to do. If they have strong feelings on the matter, then that should be communicated to their FH. Example: FW hates the idea of strip clubs. FH really wants to go to one. Someone has to give in this situation. Does it make it any less disrespectful if the FH goes anyway despite deeply upsetting his bride? This goes both ways.

Mac - I've no problem with someone saying to their fh I'm not too comfortable with strip clubs and then the fh deciding himself he won't go but the whole veto wording is just ridiculous in my humble opinion . Have a grown up conversation about it yes but don't try and make the decision for someone else who is an adult

I know there are a lot of comments on here so not all are being read. Just to clarify, I have talked to my FH about this. Bringing it up on here is just for opinions and conversation. He is not interested in going, I am not comfortable with him going. The only reason he would be going in the first place is to appease the groomsmen. We talked, I am not comfortable with it. He understands and they are not going to go. There was an issue, we talked, and it was resolved to where both parties are happy. Now I am listening to what other people have experienced. Thats about it

Do you think fh should just give in everytime fw is upset about something? Think of other situations outside of strip clubs .

Just to clarify I didn't veto the plan. I approached him and first asked him how he felt about strip clubs, and how he felt about going to one for his bach. The I told him how I felt about it and he agreed that if I am uncomfortable that he doesn't have to go. Simple. Sorry I said veto. That was a generalization

OP, don't take it personally. This is just one of those subjects that the community is usually split 50/50 for and against so there are a lot of opinions.

FH and I are doing a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. I have been to joint parties before and they are a ton of fun. FH and I have the most fun when we're together and it gives our bridal party a chance to get to know each other. Funny enough, I'm pretty sure the only people that would be bummed about there not being strippers is FHs BM (who is gay) and my MOH, so it would be dudes anyway and I'm not interested.

If someone likes strip clubs, that's fine by me, but we -- as a collective -- don't get it. As young travelers, we both went to them a few times in different parts of the world, but walked away with the same feeling: not my people. I'd be shocked and curious if my fiance said to me, "We're going to the strip club for my bachelor party." I'd be shocked because all of his friends' bachelor parties have involved breweries and restaurants in ski towns or on the coast and I'd be curious because I'd wonder why the sudden change?

In my most humble of opinions, it's a certain personality type that goes to strip clubs. I'm never surprised when certain people tell me they go to strip clubs in the same way I'm never surprised when certain people tell me they've been in numerous minor car accidents.

My fiancé is going to the strip club and I'm going to see the male strippers so we are both even and fine with both going and having fun

Personally, I wouldnt mind if FH went to a strip club. I know its just for fun. But I also know hes not super into that and if it was up to him, he wouldnt. But I cant put that much faith in his GM haha. if it happens, it happens. I trust him and I know its just a party. At the end of the day, hes marrying me.

No one is saying that FH should give in every time in other situations. In the case of partners divided over the strip club issue you have two options

1. Respect the partner's wishes and your relationship by not putting them in a spot where they may question self-esteem and trust.

2. Go have the "experience" of the typical bachelor/bachelorette party with your friends.

Many couples who pick the first option are mature enough to understand that their partners feelings and wishes are more important than getting grinded on by a stripper.

@beach - you're absolutely right. No FH or FW should ever try to dictate what the other should or shouldn't do. It's about communicating and making the best decision for both parties. No way should the FH give in every time the FW is upset or vice versa. On the topic of strip clubs though, I feel it's one of those things that if one person feels one way and the other person feels the opposite, do you think it's right for a person to put going to a strip club above the feelings of their partner? It's a strip club. Not deciding on whether or not to buy a house or have a kid.

ETA: @Katie said it better than I did. Nailed it.

This has been on my mind for a while! I'm glad someone posted about this.

FH is having his Bachelor party in Buffalo NY and in NY, strip clubs are topless and sell alcohol or they are fully nude and do NOT sell alcohol at the strip club. I am more okay with them being topless than fully nude. If they do go to a full nude place they won't stay long because they can't drink there.

FH also doesn't have his enhanced license and I'm pretty sure his passport is expired so they aren't going to Canada thankfully.

I have no idea why this is bothering me though. I trust FH, he doesn't really want to go, but he is the last of his friends to be getting married and he said that he got strippers or went to a strip club for his friends and he is worried about the pay back.

I would NEVER speak to his friends about not going to a strip club, that would be borderline crazy and they would certainly give your FH shit for doing something like that. Reign it in!

It does give me the creeps to think about another woman giving that kind of attention to my FH, but I know it's just about money and he would never let it get out of hand.

Since he is going for the whole weekend for golfing and other stuff, I am hoping that he gets too drunk to go. Plus my dad and brother are going along and I know he wouldn't do anything crazy in front of them.

I don't mind if FH goes to one, but he isn't really into it. If he was I wouldn't care

Katie if there is trust issues over a strip club there's a much bigger problem to deal with. Fact of the matter is if a fh was going to cheat a strip club is the most unlikely place for that to happen, it's far more likely to happen at a regular club or bar so trust over a strip means there's a bigger problem in my humble opinion

Just wanted to throw in there too that a lot of people here are trying to say something along the lines of, "FH isn't planning the bachelor party, so he can't help it if they plan to go to a strip club." This holds no weight in my book because many of these same people are talking about FH being an adult and making his own decisions. If it was agreed that strip clubs are not ok and the friends try to take him to one, he absolutely has the ability to say, "No thanks, guys. Lets go to this (bar, brewery, etc) instead." No one is going to hold a gun to his head and make him go in.

ETA: Again, it's not about trust for me and for a lot of people. It's just that many think it's an inappropriate and disrespectful situation.

For me, FH going to a strip club doesn't bother me. He's not overly enthusiastic about going to one, but if his buddies decide to take him he won't argue. If he was the type of guy that was overly- interested in other women it might bother me a little, but he's not and I trust him immensely.

I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't.

Some of these responses about "allowing" or "not allowing" crack me up. I don't decide what my FH can and can't do.

I don't see a big deal. I watch porn myself and sometimes we even recommend porn for each other. The way I see it is that they can do stuff that there is no way I can. And if he wants to see it then I don't have an issue with it. If I tried to give him a lap dance it would just end up being awkward and I would probably fall and bust my face on something. So I don't see a big deal. At the end of the day he is still in my bed.

If something is prohibited, it becomes more desirable. It's human nature.

I respect all of the anti-strip club opinions however I definitely don't think it should be WWIII if he ends up there. Bachelors do sometimes get incoherently drunk and get taken there by their GMs. It happens. It's more important that you have an open level of communication, honesty and trust. Don't make your FH scared to tell you that they went to a strip club. You will just find out at a later date and then it becomes a much bigger problem.

I said someone may question the trust they have for their partner. If a partner decides to still go to the strip club they are telling their partner "I get that this really upsets you and you find it disrespectful but I still want to go experience a stripper situation." This tells the person that their feelings are inadequate and will not stop them from making that decision so of course they can experience trust issues after that.