Spin Off: How do you handle a friend cheating in their marriage?

I would end the friendship. I don't waste my time on trash. If you can't be faithful to your husband or wife, you're not my kind of person. Harsh? Maybe. But, I feel very strongly about cheating. It's unnecessary and it tears families apart. Grow up and don't be a dirty slut.

I recently experienced this, just a couple months ago. It was so so hard for me to deal with. I was very mad at my friend for making me keep the secret. They were a couple I looked up to. We live several hours away so I had decided the next time I saw her I wanted to talk to her about it.

But the next time I talked to her she had already told her husband and they were working through it. So I guess I don't know what I really would have done if she hadn't already handled things, but I was very upset with her.

If it was my friend being the cheater - I would try to be supportive, but I'm not sure I could be. It's the one thing I really cannot stand. I would be forced to wonder if they were the person I thought they were (as in, if I'm friends with them it's because I think they are an honest, trustworthy person - if they cheat I'd have to question whether I had misjudged them).

If one of my friends was cheating on her marriage, I'd call her out on it. I'm an asshole like that. If I knew her husband was cheating on her, but had zero physical evidence.... I would have to keep it to myself until I had physical evidence. And even if I did have physical evidence, most women would get pissed at a friend for #1 not minding their own business and butting into their personal private life, and #2 most women (I think) already have that feeling that their mate is cheating. So bringing it up might just be rubbing more salt into the wound. Maybe I wouldn't come out and tell her that her husband is a scumbag just to save the friendship and be able to be there for her when it all falls apart....

I think I'd react the same as Nicola. I'd want to be there for them as they worked through whatever was going on, but it would definitely make me question their character. Cheating, to me, is unforgivable and I would have a hard time seeing my friend the same way. I would encourage her or him to tell their spouse.

I don't know that I could be supportive. Especially if they asked me to keep it a secret. I know the friendship would never be the same again.

I stay out of it and keep both as friends if I can. What they do is NOT my business.

My husband cheated on his first wife. I do not believe in once a cheater, always a cheater. Sometimes, things happen. I couldn't drop a friend if the indiscretion had a backstory.

Edited to add: if the situation was extreme, then that's different. It really depends on the situation.

I experienced it. My friend was cheating on her brand new husband and they had a child. There was a whole lot of drama involved but I told her she was being a shitty person and it was affecting her child (she wasn't coming home, etc.). She didn't like it and we are no longer friends. I was genuinely concerned for the child. We are no longer friends and I don't know if I would have done anything different.

I would be supportive. I don't believe in cheating and I know how it feels to be cheated on but I'm not one to pass judgement because they aren't perfect because neither am I. Something like this would be between the couple themselves and would really not concern me or be any of my buisness However if they came to me to talk about it I would be supportive

I have been in this situation. Both ends, not in a marriage but a relationship. My friend being cheated on and also the cheater. In both cases not my business. Lesson learned is never get involved. EVER! I would just listen to them and give my advice. Whether I agree or disagree it really isn't my problem. I'm a firm believer in you never know what goes on behind closed doors. I don't get involved in other peoples drama but I will listen if someone needs it.

If they were a close friend, I'd talk to them about it. I'm with E-Tex in believing that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is not a true statement. I would give my friend the benefit of doubt, maybe I don't know the full story. I'd want them to stop cheating and try to help them through it, but I wouldn't just drop them. A lot of cheating happens due to other issues in the relationship, so I wouldn't just automatically assume that they are being a horrible person.

She may have hid it b/c of my comment?? She's been married less than a month and she's dealing with other people's bull shit-- no no no.

I don't like cheaters, but there's not really a whole lot you can do as someone outside of the relationship. Depending on how close you are to the person, you can write them off or "take them as they are", but in my experience, advice and opinions don't go very far with cheaters. . .

I mind my business. I would express my feelings towards MY friend ( not her husband), I certainly wouldn't end our friendship because she is having martial issues, hell that's when someone needs a friend the most.

I agree with E-Tex wrote 100%. Everyone's situation is different.

My EH cheated while we were married. I cut anyone out of my life who had any knowledge what had happened or association with either one of them. I have absolutely no tolerance for this kind of thing because of it. I would definitely call the friend out. As far as continuing to be friends...I couldn't do it. Nope, no way.

I didn't think that I could ever be supportive of a friend cheating... but then it happened. It was so unlike her, and I struggled with it. But at the end of the day? We all make mistakes. I don't condone what she did, but I am also not in her shoes to know WHY she did it. She left him shortly after the indiscretion but never told him what she did. She pays for her own mistakes- who am I to judge?

Tell them.

If I was being cheated on, I would want to be told ASAP.

And if you didn't tell me, and I found out later down the road, I would cut all contact with you.

Because to me you're just as bad as the cheater.

It's not fair to you as someone's friend to hold that burden and know how awful that person is being to their spouse, and even if the victim doesn't believe you at first -- at least you did the right thing. And when it all falls apart the hurt party WILL remember how you tried to watch out for them.

Also- I was "catfished" once... a married man. When I found out? I told his wife.

And you know what she did? Harassed me so much that i had to change my phone number. They now have a baby together.

Sometimes doing the "right" thing bites you in the ass.

Double

I had a friend who was cheating on her husband. At first it seemed like she was trying to get her shit together so she could be financially stable when she left her husband. I wasn't supportive but I never lectured her about it. I just let her make her decisions because she is an adult. Well she broke up with the boyfriend and it looked like she was starting to mend things with her husband. They got new furniture, started figuring out her loan debt and were working on their marriage. Her dh let's het ex fiance move in with them and she then kicks her dh out. I asked her about why and she said she never intended in staying with him just wanted him to pay off her bills and get new stuff before she left him (meaning he would be out thousands of dollars because he covered her debt and she was off the hook) she then started sleeping with the ex fiance the night she kicked her husband out. I told her that it was real shitty a d began to distance myself from her. What broke the camels back was when she decided that fh and my relationship wasn't a good one because she didn't like that he didn't kiss her ass and try to get her approval. I was done. I cut her off and haven't talked to her since. That was two years ago. She's still married, and still cheating on him with different guys. Her cheating on her husband was shady and wrong, but it was her decision as an adult. I just don't have to be around those decisions and let them affect me and my life.