Specifying Dress Code=tacky and rude?

View Quoted Comment I adhere to whatever the host requests, it’s their event.

I don't think is rude at all. Some people actually like this so they have a guide to pick the outfit. Maybe a nice touch would be "Dress code: formal". But hosnestly, if somebody is capable to show up in a wedding wearing jeans or really short skirt combos, they'r gonna do it no matter what the invitation says 😂

It’s definitely not rude! Plus the pictures will look so much nicer with a cohesive look

It’s traditional for the invitation to specify the level of dress for the event, so I’m not sure why you feel bad about putting it on there.
The guests have to find out eventually. Beating around the bush will only cause more confusion.
The idea that people would be upset that they have to dress up for a wedding is something I never imagined could exist! I would not muddy the issue by saying the attire is “requested.” Just state what the dress code is and be done.

I’m definitely going to include it on the invitation because I have the same concerns as you! “Black tie optional”

A nicely worded note saying “formal dress preferred” should be fine. If the venue itself is a more formal location people should naturally get the hint or, if there’s only a few people who you are worried about, you could always call them and ask what they are planning on wearing.

I'm doing it! We are having a beach wedding, and while I want casual-ish I don't want swim wear, bright patterned button ups, or jeans.

I made it clear that I am requesting formal attire! I don't think it is rude at all! In my eyes, you're just asking people to dress appropriately for your special occasion!

I think all of the wedding invitations I've received in the last 5 years have specified the dress code except for one, so I think it's perfectly fine and even appreciated to list the attire on the invitation. As a guest I really like to know what the expectation is - most of the events I've attended have been semi-formal, so if the invitation indicated formal or black-tie I would know that I may need to go shopping.

That said, if you're straying outside the "normal" dress codes (black tie, formal, semi-formal, cocktail, etc), PLEASE DEFINE WHAT THAT IS, maybe on the wedding website with examples. My cousin invited me to her wedding a few years ago and the invitation read "beach-chic". I had no idea what that was supposed to mean - it turns out to mean Hawaiian shirts, sandals, sundresses, and linen were all considered acceptable. I was possibly slightly over-dressed and it was okay, but this is a case where examples of the dos and don'ts would have been helpful.

We want to do a “black tie event” so I’m wondering how everyone is going about this too!

Its not rude to want something specific for your wedding day but i wouldn't put it on the invites. I put in on our wedding website that we request business casual attire. No one has given us any grief about it.

I don't think you're being rude. We are doing a theme wedding(1930s Hollywood glam) and would like people to either keep to the theme or our colors. We have been letting people know by word of mouth, but plan on using the save the dates to inform people about the dress code.

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Specifically referencing the idea that people are going to ignore or not "take a hint" on a requested dress code... if I was really concerned about what someone was going to wear, I'd question why and what if anything I could do to either #1- get over it and be happy for their company regardless of how they show up, or #2- help the situation in a gentle way (and may still need to accept #1). If I was close enough to the person where I could have a conversation with them, I might consider bringing it up in an indirect way - like, "I need to pick out a formal outfit to change into for my reception because I'm planning on changing out of my wedding dress. I want a gown because it matches the vibe of our venue. Let's go shopping together?" They could always say no, and it's a little harder now to shop in person with COVID-19, but it's a gesture to throw out there.

I agree with Violetstorme and also don't know that I would, personally, go as far as having too many specifics unless there were cultural or religious reasons why, say, different colors could symbolize different things or attire would/wouldn't be permitted at a place of worship or venue, or a theme I wanted to go for, like old Hollywood glamour that needed some explaining to encourage guests to participate (and even then, they may not want to go all-out.)

It could depend on how you word it, too, for your wedding website and other communication that you are planning to all guests. Maybe be fun about it, like adding to your website that guests should "dress to impress," "get on your best LBD," or "bring a showstopping look." Conversely, if your event was less formal, like at a beach, you could put "wear shoes you can kick off so you can put your feet in the sand", "bring your dancing shoes" or "get ready to dance."

In the case of me and my fiancé, our venue is formal but older and historic. To me, I feel "black tie" while always classic for a wedding could look out of place where we are having our reception and ceremony. But by no means will our event be overly casual. We are going to request cocktail or formal attire but "black tie" (tuxes and formal gowns) entirely optional, but however people show up, they'll show up, and we'll be happy to see them.

I’m usually team “don’t put it on the invitation” but if it’s on the information card, I think that is a really good compromise! As long as it’s not on the actual invitation, I don’t see a problem with it, as an information card is for information haha!

Brianna,

Did you make a decision on the approach? I think the info card sounded great. Otherwise, people are left guessing-- those who dress up could over dress or those who like casual would under dress.

View Quoted Comment It wouldn't indicate anything at all to people who would show up "way underdressed" wearing mini skirts and tank tops, short shorts or jeans. Indicating dress code is classic wedding invitation etiquette and not at all tacky. It avoids the tackiness on the part of uncouth guests or people who just plain don't know any better. If you can infer how to properly dress based on an invitation suite, there's no risk of wearing jeans. In my case, I'm adjacent to people who's culture doesn't include regular people dressing formally at any time other than being in the wedding party, the close family or going to a high society event. Articles and blogs have been written about it. It just isn't a thing for them. To my chagrin, I saw this on full display at a lavish and beautiful wedding at a hotel last year where someone I knew showed up in workday khakis and a plaid shirt with the top button open and semi-casual comfort shoes. Many guests and the wedding party wore gowns, tuxes and semi-formal lounge suits. This is my personal nightmare.

I didn't include a dress code and five people have anxiously texted me asking "what is the dress code?" and someone even described an exact outfit asking for advice... so I guess we should have included one :/

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Actually, other than a black tie designation, which contrary to popular belief is not strictly speaking a dress code but an indication that it is a formal affair, including a dress code on a wedding invitation is what is considered tacky or condescending and against etiquette. People are presumed to be adults with enough common sense to know how to dress themselves for a wedding. The only exception is a venue restriction. You can't control everyone. They are only a reflection on themselves. I would suggest working on how other people's behavior affects you.

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So just talk to those five people individually. Since they asked, I'd give them some general guidance as to what people usually wear to weddings. Again, other than black tie, a dress code doesn't belong on the invitation.