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Brianna
Dedicated September 2023

Specifying Dress Code=tacky and rude?

Brianna, on January 13, 2021 at 7:30 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 99

We have plenty of time to plan, so I'm taking my time to weigh my options with everything. However, I'm so torn on this. We're having an upscale wedding, I think our guests can tell that just by knowing my fiancé and I, and from the look of our invitations. However, we think that a lot of our...

We have plenty of time to plan, so I'm taking my time to weigh my options with everything. However, I'm so torn on this. We're having an upscale wedding, I think our guests can tell that just by knowing my fiancé and I, and from the look of our invitations. However, we think that a lot of our friends and family are going to show up way under dressed (I'm talking jeans, tank top/really short skirt combos). We want to add "Formal Attire is Requested" on the information card in the invite, but we don't want people to think we're being rude and demanding. What did you do/are you going to do? Any advice is super appreciated!!

99 Comments

  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    I completely agree. I do get it if it's a black and white theme, it's their day and their vision, whatever. I would never tell people exactly what to wear though.

    I'm the same as you, in that, I don't mind being told what level to wear to avoid being under/overdressed. Thanks so much for your advice!

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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Hi Hanna,

    Thank you so much for your reply! Don't take this the wrong way, but can I ask why you think it's inappropriate? I'm just curious to hear different perspectives!

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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Love it! Polite and specific. Thanks so much!!!

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    I agree. I always question what’s appropriate to wear to a specific wedding. I mean i didn’t plan it i don’t know! Some people in my family don’t know to dress up as no one has had a “fancy” wedding and blue jeans were 100% acceptable to those events. My cousin has a SUPER laid back potluck, dirt floor, in the country wedding with super nice invitations, so those can’t always be used as a guide anyway.
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  • Violetstorme
    Dedicated October 2022
    Violetstorme ·
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    I feel like this has become more and more common. I don't know about all wedding websites, but the one that we are using gives us the option to add this from the drop down menu if we want to.

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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Https://emilypost.com/advice/attire-guide-dress-codes-from-casual-to-white-tie


    This link does not advocate mentioning dress code on invites but it details what each level of formality is
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Thanks so much for posting! I knew the level of formality that I would like to have, but it’s always good to have it on hand
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  • Kj21
    Dedicated May 2021
    Kj21 ·
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    You could create and order two separate detail cards. Order half with the dress code listed on them and order the other half without. Sending the detail cards that details the attire to your older guests who won’t check the website.


    We are doing this with RSVP’s - sending physical cards only to older guests and asking the rest of them to RSVP online. We are doing this because we know some of the younger crowd will add a random date on the RSVP (not in a relationship). We are trying to keep that guest counts lower due to COVID.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I don’t find that rude either
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  • Jessica
    Devoted February 2021
    Jessica ·
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    That’s honestly my worst nightmare!! We put cocktail attire on our invites. On our website we added additional information. Thankfully we are getting married at a country club that would never allow a person in with jeans or wearing a shirt without a collar at least!
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  • Daziah
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Daziah ·
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    Not rude at all!! I just went to a wedding in October and they put on theirs “this is a formal affair please no jeans, sneakers, or hoodies” you can do a theme like red carpet or Hollywood or prom so people will know how they need to dress. Do not be afraid to put a dress code in your invites cause I will be putting “formal affair” on mine lol
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Same here, to all of the above. I just know if anyone dressed down like that, they would be/feel so out of place. We’re getting married at a country club, too, so thank God for dress codes!
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  • Daziah
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Daziah ·
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    Formal attire*
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Wow, cute idea! I love how you’re really tailoring it to your specific guests!
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Thanks so much!! I’ll be putting it, too!!
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Thank you for giving me peace of mind lol!
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  • Mrs.g
    Beginner October 2022
    Mrs.g ·
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    I don't think it's rude. I would hate to show up to an event and be under dressed or over dressed lol! This makes it easier for the guests to figure out what they will wear. I have seen invitations where at the bottom, (or in a card inside the invitation with directions, or venue instructions, or rsvp info etc) it says "formal attire please".

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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    We're just going to have our picture and a snipet about visiting our wedding website if our guests need more information! Under the FAQ portion of our website, we have that the dress code is semi-formal. Also, when our guests RSVP online, it will have the details of our wedding (date, time, location) but it will also have the dress code listed there as well!

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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    That’s our plan, too. However, I know not everyone is going to look at the website, so I want to cover my bases lol. Thanks for the advice!!
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated September 2023
    Brianna ·
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    Exactly! Tbh I’m doing it for us, but for our guests, too. I like to be in the know when I’m a guest. Plus, I know if I don’t include it, at least 6 or 7 guests will say “Why didn’t you tell us it was formal?”
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