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Brianna
Dedicated October 2022

Specifying Dress Code=tacky and rude?

Brianna, on January 13, 2021 at 7:30 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 82
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We have plenty of time to plan, so I'm taking my time to weigh my options with everything. However, I'm so torn on this. We're having an upscale wedding, I think our guests can tell that just by knowing my fiancé and I, and from the look of our invitations. However, we think that a lot of our friends and family are going to show up way under dressed (I'm talking jeans, tank top/really short skirt combos). We want to add "Formal Attire is Requested" on the information card in the invite, but we don't want people to think we're being rude and demanding. What did you do/are you going to do? Any advice is super appreciated!!

82 Comments

Latest activity by Mariana, today at 10:03 PM
  • Apryl
    Dedicated March 2022
    Apryl ·
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    I don't think that's rude at all. You could put the requested attire on your wedding website if you didn't feel comfortable putting it on the invitation.
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  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    I wouldn't put it in the invitation suite, but you can put it on the website. As you said, the invitation suite, along with the venue and time of day/day of the week of the wedding, will usually signal formality of the event. Honestly though, the type of people who will dress like that to a wedding will, regardless of what's written on the invitation or information card.
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brianna Online ·
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    We were thinking that, but we have a lot of older guests who won't even look at the website. I agree though, people will still do what they want. Thanks so much for the advice!

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    I was worried about the same thing. Luckily our ceremony was in a church. So, I used that to my advantage and said something along the lines of respectful attire/Sunday best. I did include this on the details card. I also elaborated a bit on the website.
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brianna Online ·
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    I like the elaborating on the website idea! I don't want to tell people exactly what to wear, but I don't want them to feel awkward and underdressed, thinking we left them in the dark about the dress code, ya know?

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  • Makeba
    Savvy September 2022
    Makeba ·
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    I would totally do it. I know the atmosphere I want at our wedding, so it is not rude to ask your dress appropriately. We started to do a black tie wedding.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    Rude. Your invitation and venue should portray the formality of the event.
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  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Dictating or requesting dress code is always rude. Weddings are semi formal/Sunday best by default. The only time it is acceptable to mention dress code by word of mouth only is if the venue requires a dress code for entry that is Oscars level formality. Those are so rare that no one does it.
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brianna Online ·
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    That's my view, too. Not to go all bridezilla, but I know what I want my wedding vibe to be. Thank you!

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
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    We put cocktail hour requested at the bottom of our invitations. My husband's family tends to be very laid back so we wanted to make it clear that we didn't want them showing up in jeans, shorts, etc. We also elaborated on our wedding website asking them to please not wear the things mentioned. No one did.

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  • Brianna
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brianna Online ·
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    I agree, they should, but I know a lot of our guests won't catch on/take the hint. Thank you for your reply!

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  • Brianna
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brianna Online ·
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    I feel seen! We're in the exact same situation! I really like the elaborate on the website idea. Thank you so much!

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  • Brianna
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brianna Online ·
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    I totally agree, and I think a lot of our guests do, too. However, some of them have worn jeans and flip flops to other weddings we've been to, so I want to take precaution lol. I really appreciate your reply!!

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  • A
    Savvy September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    I think that’s totally normal, especially if you’re concerned about their attire.
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  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    If people wear jeans or flip flops, then are you going to make a production of evicting them? No. Treat them with the same courtesy as your other guests. What people wear is out of your control.



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  • Violetstorme
    Dedicated October 2022
    Violetstorme ·
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    We plan to put requested level of attire on the website. As a guest, I don't mind if an invite states "x level of formality requested", but I also don't like showing up under or over dressed.

    I feel like it only becomes really really rude when you're telling people what they're allowed to wear. Like telling your guests they're only allowed to wear certain colors or that they can't wear a certain style of dress even if it would fit in the dress code, etc.

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  • Makeba
    Savvy September 2022
    Makeba ·
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    No problem, it’s “our day” our way lol‼️
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brianna Online ·
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    I'm not "evicting" them, but if they're not dressed right, then they're not going to be in pictures. Plus, I know a lot of them would say "why didn't you tell me?" and feel awkward.

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    I think you could definitely list your attire on your wedding website, but it's not appropriate to list it in the invitation suite itself.

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  • Shannon
    Savvy May 2022
    Shannon ·
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    I don’t think that’s rude at all! Even though you guys will party all night, your wedding won’t be a backyard event. I think it’s completely appropriate to request a certain attire. I’ve recently seen a invitation that said “semi formal event- tux and evening gowns are preferred, and suits and cocktail dresses are accepted”.
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