So how much did you spend on their wedding gift?

I'm wondering from some of the comments whether engaged couples typically expect an individual to give a gift at BOTH the shower AND the wedding.

Showers are rather foreign to me, but when I was invited to my cousin's last year (didn't go; 4 hour drive), my step-mom said that it's one or the other.

Weddings typically I would say $100 pp and could be up or down really depending on the type of wedding it is.

Mackenzie, yes, showers and weddings are separate gift giving events and you should gift for both.

In my family and social circle, it is also typical to send a gift (to both a shower and a wedding) whether you attend or not. So if I decline a gift giving event, I still mail a gift.

Also I don't adjust my wedding gift based on the type of wedding thrown. As stated in my first post, my typical wedding gift is $200 for DH and I, and that is usually enough to "cover our plates." However if I attend a simple casual backyard wedding, I'm still gifting them $200 as I would someone who has a formal ballroom wedding. If I attend a wedding where a couple chooses to have a ridiculously expensive, $200+ per person wedding, I'm still going to give them $200. I understand the "cover your plate" rule to an extent, but I also don't believe it is a guest's responsibility to pay for the lavishly expensive wedding that you chose to have and I'm not going to give hundreds more because of that.

In that case, I'm having a hard time coming up with an explanation for why you'd have both a shower and a wedding, and invite the same people to both, that doesn't really quickly and easily shorten to one word: greed. If they were only expected to give one gift overall or _no_ gift at all (the latter being what I consider normal), then the obvious explanation would be: to spend more time with loved ones.

Oh, that "cover your plate" phrase is interesting. So, it's supposed to be like reciprocating for a catered dinner instead of having the guests simply provide the food themselves? Interesting. What roundabout traditions.

Nothing...I never have any weddings to go to. I think I have been to a total of 3 (excluding a few when I was a kid) my whole life.

So, I think I would base it on how close I am to them.

A lot of gift giving etiquette is dependent on region and family and social circles. I would never attend a shower or wedding empty handed. Because most of my family and friends follow the same standards, yea I expected certain things at the time of my wedding. However I didnt invite them just for their gift and I would never hold a grudge for someone not giving a gift or giving a certain amount. It's just kinda is how it is. You give and when your turn comes, it's most likely reciprocated.

It's not greedy: The hosts of the shower are throwing the shower...it's a separate party, and you attend (or not) usually with a small gift. The shower will have games, fun, and food. The hosts of the wedding are different...the wedding is usually a dinner and fun celebration, and you give a larger gift typically...Also, the events are held months apart.

200 for 2 guests

Now having planned a wedding id say more

Shower: $50

Wedding: $50

I don't care what kind of wedding you're having. That's all you're getting even if your wedding is fancy and it doesn't "cover the cost of my plate". I give what I can afford. If some day I'm making like 60k a year or more than it would probably go up. Until then $100 total it is. That's for friends and family. I don't play favorites.

Shower $50-100, wedding $300-400

$50 for an engagement gift, $50 gift from the registry & $150+ per person in a card depends on how close we are.

I think it depends on the cost of the wedding. I think at least $50 for sure, but $100 if there are two of you, and more if they are spending a lot on your meals!

I'd do 100 per guest (which isn't plate coverage near me, but that's not really relevant)

Unless I"m officiating for a true friend, which I have the great luck to be doing soon; then I do the ceremony as a gift. And love every minute of it!

@Mrs. O, you and I must be from the same social circle, cause you took the words right out of my mouth. That is exactly how I was raised.

Usually $200.

and a separate gift for the shower if invited. and yes, @Mackenzie showers are the norm, in addition to and separate from the wedding. as someone mentioned above, this is hosted by someone else (not the couple) and is a separate fun celebration of the marriage. it has nothing to do with greed, and i don't know anyone that thinks of it that way to be honest.

In NYC, the rules are different because the costs are different. I'm having a Sunday wedding because it's cheaper - $120 pp just for the reception and not including other costs that sum up to additional $70+ pp. We are not doing anything lavish - Long Island pricing. We saw places that are 150+ pp. the general rule is to cover your plate! I am going to go to 3 weddings this year and we are planning to give at least $150 per person and $500 for 2 to a good friend of mine. We'll save on something else but wouldn't be cheap to our friends... Hopefully, I will get the similar attitude back

I give a check that matches (as closely as I can estimate) the price the bride and groom are paying for me to be their guest. I ALWAYS make sure to cover my date as well. Last wedding I attended with my now fiance, I gave $250 ($125 per plate).

People who have weddings and invite their friends that simply give "hugs" as gifts because their "presence is present" enough.... likely invite the social circle that reflects that statement. So gift giving should be easy in that case.

However, I was raised that you don't show up empty-handed to any event. Invited for a dinner party? I bring wine. Easter brunch? Lily for the hostess. Etc... If you are invited to a lovely wedding event (one of the most important in that persons life), then bring a lovely gift! Lord knows I have dished out countless baby gifts, birthday, shower, graduation, Christmas, your kids birthdays, etc. over the years because I wanted to help out with the new chapter in your life. Frankly, a $100 wedding gift that some seem to think is so astronomical, is really not much at all in comparison.