Small wedding big reception

Ayila, my friend did the same thing you're doing. I declined because I wasn't taking PTO and traveling just to go to a party (which is what a reception only is) but the people who are going are bitching about it. Not to her but to me and each other. That's the most valuable lesson WW taught me while planning, nobody will complain to your face but if you're being rude or not hosting well, they will complain. I always kept that in mind while planning and it helped me throw the bad hosting ideas in the trash (where they belonged)

I wouldn't take PTO and travel for a reception only unless it was my closest friend or closest family.

I disagree. Both the fiance and I happily traveled out of state to a friend's reception (the ceremony happened a few hours before). Only one of our mutual friends saw the ceremony and none of us in our friend group expressed any offense.

I went to one wedding where half the people at the ceremony weren't invited to the reception.

Two more couple friends of mine got married earlier in the day and a bunch of us were only invited to the reception. The question of who or how many people went to the ceremony never came up.

Good for you Nora Bora. I would find it odd if, I was invited to the reception only.

I would not attend the reception if I wasn't invited to the ceremony. Strange idea.

Not everyone says what is on their mind because actively criticizing the wedding as you are there, well is rude. But believe me, people do feel a type of way when they know that they've been categorized in this way. I've only attended one wedding like this, but I was invited to everything, only during the reception I started seeing people that were not invited to the ceremony... and it was AWKWARD. And even though they agreed to attend they were not very happy.

If your friends and family won't tell you the truth, what does that say about your friends and family? If they can be honest with me to my face about my weight, they can tell me that they were hurt about X, and then we can have an honest chat and work those things out.

If I was a guest and this happened to me, I would not travel just for the party. If it was local, I would probably attend but side-eye.

ETA: @Nora your friends and family care about hurting your feelings with regards to what could be the most important day of your life...internet strangers will tell you the blunt truth.

Norabora, not everyone has unlimited vacation time. My husband's close friend and my close friend are getting married within the next year. My other friend is having a reception only (small ceremony) I'm going to use my limited time off to go to the wedding not the party. Not that I don't care about my friend but seeing my friends get married is just more important to me. Of course, I'm not going to tell her that I don't think it's worth it to travel to a reception only and am going to use work as an excuse.

I had a friend who did this - family only wedding then about 600 people at the reception. I was a little put off at not going to the wedding, but I went to the reception and we had a great time.

I'd much rather be invited to just the reception than just the ceremony. Etiquette wise it's totally acceptable to have an intimate ceremony and a larger reception. I don't think anyone in real life would be offended unless they have the tendency to be offended by stupid things - and if they did - why would you even want them at your wedding?

@Macy there are legitimate reasons to be turned off by this (see: half the pp's) but for me mostly it is just about whether it would be worth it to go or not...

@Kristin Yeah - I'd rather celebrate with the couple than infringe on something they consider a personal private moment.

Well then you can decline. Easy peasy.

@kt I don't see it as gift grabby. The reception is the expensive part. The couple is feeding you, giving you unlimited booze and providing entertainment all night long. If you can't get over the fact that they aren't making you feel important by letting you witness something private, well that's on you.

Maybe I'm biased because 90% of ceremonies are boring AF

@Macy You aren't infringing on a personal moment unless you are crawling into bed with the couple that night.

@MrsBdeG - Or being disruptive during the ceremony.

My son's friend was married at the courthouse. They held a celebration a couple of weeks later. It was a good time. I wasn't upset to not be at the ceremony and enjoyed their celebration.

Everyone has a different definition of close family. I wouldn't feel butthurt if a couple chose to have 30 family members and then have a reception for 100. For me, those 30 family members are easily covered by grandparents, parents, siblings w/ their kids, close aunts/uncles.

I'd prefer to be at the reception where I can actually party with the couple and enjoy the good times with them.

Two of my best friends did this, I was offended & FH was not. He was glad he didn't need to sit through a ceremony and was happy to celebrate with the couples. For me, I love the ceremony part of the wedding so I was hurt that I was not invited to theirs. In hindsight, I still got to celebrate with them & their husbands didn't have to say their vows in front of a bunch of people, which was the reasoning for it. My FH has no choice, everyone is invited to both, I would never want anyone to feel like I felt.