Situation thoughts?

I personally wouldn't do it. I don't think you can truly know everything about someone in 8 months. I also don't think four months of dating is long enough to even consider proposing to someone even if you have discussed your future. I would also be concerned that he may not like being proposed to if he is a traditionalist so you might not get the desired response that you are hoping for. He might not want to rush into an engagement give that his last one ended badly either. Even if you were to propose and he says yes, there is no telling how quickly he would agree to get married. He might want to wait longer. Some people are engaged for years before ever getting married.

I agree. I have rarely seen short relationships work out well. It's great you love him but take time to really see if the relationship can last. I wanted my mom to do all mother daughter stuff but she passed unexpectedly so I love how you want your grandma to be there but you can't put timeliness on relationships. Before you prorose is he ready to be married now? He may want marriage but is he ready to make that commitment after 8 months? Ultimately do what you want but i think it's too soon and you two need to grow a bit more in your relationship.

You’ve spoken about marriage and what your wedding would look like, but have you discussed what a timeline for that would look like? I don’t necessarily see an issue with getting engaged quickly, but if you want to get married next year and he doesn’t see marriage being an option until 5 years from now I think that could be a problem.

If it feels right, I would say go for it.

View Quoted Comment Vaguely? Enough that we have already talked about how we will most likely wind up paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves due to both of our family situations and that he doesn't mind the idea of me looking around and giving input as to how much things would cost so we could start saving up. We also talked about the fact that I'd want our wedding date to be the same day that he officially asked me to be his girlfriend and he seemed fine with the idea. He also asked me to give him a hard limit into how many groomsmen he could have because he was going to have to put some serious thought into that?

View Quoted Comment That's completely fair. My best friend only met her boyfriend face to face and they officially dated for two weeks before they were married, and they've been married just over a year and a half. My mother married her husband (my step-father) less than a year after they met and they will have been married for 16 years in April. I'm not saying that I disagree with you at all, and I sincerely value your input. Thank you.

I personally wouldn't because, similar to a previous poster, I don't feel like that is a long enough amount of time to get to truly know someone. If you look up the scientific research on the honeymoon phase of relationships, the 1st 6 months (sometimes up to 2 years) of a relationship are categorized by this euphoric, intense love. It's mostly chemical reactions. Biologically it exists to pair individuals for mating. However, it isn't really a marker of long lasting relationships. I understand wanting your grandmother to witness your marriage, I would have loved to have mine at my wedding. However, I think it is more important to really be sure that what you have is a long-lasting, stable relationship. My brother had a baby with a girl he was dating for 3 months. They were in love. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else. It was true love. Relatively soon after, the honeymoon phase ended and they realized they had nothing in common, they had a volatile relationship which ended in what is still a difficult co-parenting relationship years later. His child is his world, but he regrets moving too fast with that person. Obviously I'm just a stranger on the internet, and if you two truly think it's it, then go for it. Also, just because it was 8 years with his last partner, doesn't mean it would be here. There's a big difference between 4 months and 8 years.

Knowing you’re ready to propose/say yes is more about MARRIAGE than a WEDDING. Sounds like you guys have talked a lot about a potential future wedding but have you talked about the important stuff like marriage, having kids, etc. Have you guys been together through a tough time (anything hard like loss of a loved one or loss of a job or depression)? Have you seen his argument style? Has he seen yours? Do you argue and forgive well? Have you talked about how you want to discipline children? Have you talked about when you want to have children? Have you discussed whom will work and whom will stay home, or will you both work? Is his work ethic up to your standards? How is he with your family? All of these things are important and they are about the MARRIAGE.
I’ve been married before, and divorced, and now I’m getting married again. Coming from a divorced person I would highly encourage you to wait. You don’t really know a person until you’ve seen them in all different seasons of the year and through a few seasons of life.
Believe it or not: most people’s grandparents are old. . So everyone in the world runs the risk of losing their grandparents before they wed. My fiancé has lost many people including his father and grandparents, and unfortunately we were together (dating) for some of that. But going thru that difficult time was also important to our relationship so that we could be sure that we work well as a team, during good times and during bad. I wouldn’t have known that if we didn’t date for 3 years first. I’m not saying you have to wait 3 years but: I waited 10 months with my first... and it ended terribly. He didn’t work. He acted like a child. He didn’t clean up after himself. He didn’t help with kids. These are important things that eventually build up to relationship-enders. Anyway: my vote is no. If he wants to get married he will propose to you. But there’s nothing wrong w having the conversation of timing. Let him know that you don’t wanna waste his time or yours and you would really like to be married by X age.

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I don't think that is the norm though. Most people that get married that quickly often end up divorced. One of my good friends got engaged after like six months. Two days before the wedding, the guy got black out drunk and physically attacked her. She never would have thought he was capable of that. Part of the problem was how quickly their relationship moved. She didn't truly know the guy well enough. I'm not saying something like this could happen to you, but I would definitely think this through before making any kind of decision. While it is totally understandable to want your grandmother at your wedding, I think your grandmother would rather you take your time and not rush into anything that you might regret later on. At this point you are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship where everything is happy and sunshine, but that doesn't last forever.

View Quoted Comment I agree with everything here.


I think it is wonderful that you have found someone you connected with so quickly. Just give yourself a bit more time to make sure it is right. Early love can be so intoxicating. I would recommend letting it normalize a bit before making anything permanent.
Best of luck.

View Quoted Comment That's true. We learn more about each other every day, but from day one he has been open about everything and I've done my best to reciprocate that. If there's been something that we didn't agree on or something that one of us is upset about, instead of brushing it under the rug, we talked about it and expressed our feelings on the matter. If I propose and he says yes but isn't ready to get married right away, that's okay. He seems to be okay with the way things are progressing between us.


Yes, I would really love for my grandma to see me walk down the aisle but I would ultimately want him to be ready too. We both agreed that we want this to be for the long term.
The upside (if there can be one?) of the negative engagement is that it happened ten years ago and he has mostly come to terms with what happened back then (I'm 23, he's 28. He was just out of High School when the thing with the first went down) but I do worry that some bad memories will get brought up whether he's the one to propose or me....but I suppose that'll be a bridge we cross when its time whether that's next month or not?

View Quoted Comment Yes, we have been together through some tough times already. Between him attempting to get a business off the ground and me losing my job, my car, and dealing with financial issues that hit all at once. He openly listens to me and takes my advice seriously, supports me emotionally and is there when I need him the most. I have seen his argumentative style and he has aeen mine. When we get into any sort of disagreement, we don't walk away from the situation upset. We take time to calm down and then talk about what upset us and resolve it. We have talked about somewhat the raising of a child, but to that extent we have mostly just agreed that we dont want to raise them like our parents. Both of our fathers were severe alcoholics and my mother has mental issues. As for when we have a kid, due to the circumstances that surrounded the last engagement he had sworn for 10 years he wouldn't have a kid. Then about a week ago he told me that he had come around to the idea of having a child with me if only because he knows I want one and the conversation concluded with our conclusion that we would decide when the time was right when we were financially stable. We would both work. He's great with my family, which says a lot. My family is.....unique......and not many people stick around after meeting them.


I have had relationships where I felt like I was the only one trying. Where I was basically getting everything and getting nothing back. But this is not one of those.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for taking the time to comment. If I do propose and he says yes it's likely the wedding would be more than a year out. I understand that things take time, but I've also been in several relationships where I knew that I was wasting my time. As for the Honeymoon Phase, maybe? But in all of my past relationships I knew by the third month if it was what I wanted or not. (Before this point....not).

A lot can happen in a year especially when you don’t know someone that well. From my experience most relationships feel great in the beginning. I would really wait until you hit the year mark.

Only you can figure it out, but I agree with others that personally, I'd give it more time -- if you are truly soulmates, you'll continue to be even if you don't rush into an engagement/marriage. I also strongly agree with the pp who mentioned that it sounds like you've talked more about the possible wedding than the long-term marriage aspects of your relationship. (Also, given the ages you are now, I'm a little confused about his past situation. Did he meet his ex when he was 18 and get engaged when he was 26, and since then has already gotten married and been through a difficult divorce in just the last two years? If so, I'd also assume he may still need some time to process all he's been through in those two years. The other explanation of the timeline that I can think of is that he knew her for 8 years before they got engaged at 18, and then I think that's pretty understandable that they waited. It's unclear based on the info you've provided. Either way, I think there are factors to think about why that relationship might have been on a different timeline/trajectory than yours.)

I know for some this is controversial, but if you are not opposed on moral and/or religious grounds, if you truly think you belong together, I try living together first and see how that goes. I've been married more than 30 years to the love of my life and will NEVER regret that we lived together before we got married. That time was a MUCH bigger transition than being married was (especially because my husband was also older than I was and even more used to being on his own/doing what he wanted). Although our daughter was high school sweethearts with her now husband and they were together 8 years before the wedding, we were VERY supportive of their decision to live together for about 18 months before they got engaged. Life can look a bit too easy and romantic in the honeymoon-phase of dating, but nothing helps you recognize if you truly want to be together for the long-haul like managing household expenses, sharing chores, supporting each other through sickness and tough times. Good luck to you, but I'd give your relationship some more time.

View Quoted Comment I guess if you still wouldn't even be getting married for some time that there is no need to rush into an engagement. The whole point would be to have grandma at the wedding so waiting more than a year to even have the wedding wouldn't make sense to me.

I have to agree with PP's that this isn't a great idea for many reasons. The first being that you haven't known each other very long and that the "honeymoon phase" is very real in new relationships. You get so head over heels about this person you're dating and you think they can do no wrong. It took almost a year and a half of being with my ex (and moving in together though we had spent the night together often) before he put his hands on me and kicked my dog in the ribs. I cannot tell you how astonished I was that he turned out to be that kind of person, when I thought he was so different from every other guy I'd met.

Aside from the length of your relationship, it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is ready to get married. If it took him 8 years to propose to his last girlfriend, it sounds like he has commitment issues. Talking about what kind of wedding you might have one day is not the same as talking about being married. Marriage is a big deal and it's not something to be taken lightly.

I completely understand that you want your grandmother to see you get married, but I also strongly agree with PP who said that your grandmother would probably much rather miss your wedding and know you found the right guy than to attend a wedding that you rushed into just so she could see it.

I'm not saying that you two can't go the distance, but I don't think proposing to him is a good idea. If he hasn't done it yet, there's probably a reason. Plus you said he's a traditionalist, so he may not be thrilled with the idea of being the one proposed to. My FH would've absolutely said yes had I proposed to him, but I know he wouldn't have liked if it happened that way. While proposals are great when they're surprises, there should always be a conversation about WHEN someone feels comfortable getting engaged/married before a proposal takes place.

View Quoted Comment Funny enough it was my grandfather that suggested the idea? We wound up having a full fledged conversation about it in the living room with my grandmother and they actually seemed super supportive of the idea (but then again they really do like him a lot). My mom has been very supportive of it too, surprisingly. While I have only known him for 8 months, we have friends in common that have known both of us for years (believe me my family is weird about that if they find out I have a boyfriend they're asking about him.) Everything that was said about him was good and some of these people have known him 8+ years and having known my aunt for just about as long they're not the type to hide what they know. They're good honest people.


To clarify his ex-fiance was his high school sweetheart....middle school I guess since that's when they started dating. They had just been together for the 8th year when he proposed, when both of them were 18.
Also, the main reason the wedding would be so far out is that 1) there's a date we already talked about it happening on and at this point would be too soon to be this year and 2) with several of my family members being disabled, we will need time to work out lodging arrangements that won't break the bank since we want to get married in Gatlinburg and rent a cabin but finding one that can accommodate is going to be rough.

View Quoted Comment It makes sense then why he didn't propose previously since they met so young. He is obviously older now so it probably wouldn't take him 8 years to propose. I still don't think it is a good idea to get married in such a short spand if time. Do you guys live together? If not living together would be a better idea than rushing into a wedding.

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If you say you've already discussed a date to get married, why do you feel like you still have to propose now? Especially when you said he wouldn't be receptive of you being the one to propose. Has he indicated that he doesn't plan on proposing to you? Forcing an engagement on someone just doesn't sound like a smart idea. There's a lot of red flags with this in my opinion. I won't continue to explain how mutual friends knowing him for years is far from the same as having been IN a relationship with someone for years. It sounds like you've already made up your mind.