Situation thoughts?

I have made up my mind that yes, I want to propose if he doesn't, but after reading all of the comments I will wait to do it until we have been together longer. A year, at least.


It wasn't that i was worried he wouldn't propose, it was more the I want to be the one to propose, but wasn't a hundred percent sure I should because of him liking some more traditional aspects. I have no idea if that was any less confusing.
And I do understand that having mutual friends is different than saying someone, too. I dont know why I even included that, it's kinda irrelevant and doesn't amount to much in this scenario.
As for living together, we don't currently. That's something we were going to do after marriage for the reason that he lives with his mom who has health problems. I fully support him wanting to take care of her and be there for her and she will only allow me to move in if we are married, which I am okay with.
In summary though, as much as I really want that for us sooner rather than later, I do legitimately want him to be ready too and if I am the one to propose I will wait until he shows me that he is absolutely ready for that step forward. Thanks for your comments, ladies. You've all been a tremendous help.

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Daughter and SIL started dating when they were 15 -- if they'd even THOUGHT of getting engaged at 18, we would have thought they were crazy.... They knew they were too young and needed time to complete college, establish their careers, become financially independent, so even though they'd know each other a long time that did not equate -- for them -- with being ready to get married. So, his timeline with the ex completely makes sense to me; I don't think he dragged his feet for eight years till they were 18. I think it's great your grandparents are enthusiastic about you getting married, but personally I don't see how that's a factor. (Every day there are posts on this forum about parents/grandparents/etc. pressuring B&G's about when "they'll start having babies," but that is not at all an indicator that those couples want and/or are ready to start families. Other's enthusiasm doesn't replace/indicate the couple truly being ready to make their own decisions.)

I agree with pp that it sounds like you've got your mind made up, so I wish you well and I hope things turn out the way you want them to. Good luck!

Talking about your wedding hypothetically and actually being ready to get engaged are 2 very different things. It’s pretty normal to “plan” your hypothetical wedding when you’re in a relationship that’s going well. I wouldn’t take that to mean that he’s ready to get married.


I also wouldn’t speed something up to this extent because of your grandmother. I don’t think she would want you rushing into a marriage just so she could attend your wedding. It would be one thing if you were already engaged and moved your wedding up for her, or if you guys were together for years and decided to get married, but marrying your boyfriend of 3-4 months just because your grandmother is old seems very hasty, and that really shouldn’t be the reason you decide to get married.

That being said, if you’re feeling this way maybe it’s a good idea to bring up a potential timeline. Let him know what you’re thinking and see if he’s on the same page.

I think I would at least wait a while to see if he asked me! Oftentimes men aren’t in the same place emotionally as women are and I’d want to be sure we were truly on the same page before getting engaged.

View Quoted Comment I will definitely bring it up to him and see where he stands on the situation. But I think y'all are right that I should wait longer and see what happens. Good things can't be rushed or they turn into not so good things. And if a year comes and he's still not ready, we will face it when we get there.

If it feels right go for it. Me and my fiancé dated officially for 4 months before he proposed, we moved in together full time at 6 months, and will be married at almost 20 months. When you know you know.

View Quoted Comment Good plan! Just focus on enjoying your relationship which is still in its early stages. Marriage will come if it’s right.

My FH and I had a "when you know, you know" moment, so I know what you mean. He told me he loved me 3 weeks into our official relationship (known each other through mutual friends in high school but never spoke to one another really until after HS, started hanging out about a month before we started dating) & said he wanted to marry me after a month, been together for 3 years now and engaged for a year and a half. His parents knew each other for 2 months before getting married and have been together for 26 years now. With that being said, I really don't think the span of time matters as much as the effort you put into the relationship and the willingness to choose that person everyday forever, but have you explained the importance of your situation with your grandmother? Have you discussed a time frame that would be ideal for both of you to get married? Sorry if you've already answered those in previous replies. Based on what you've said in your OP, I don't know if he would react all that well to you doing the proposal. I personally wouldn't. Maybe he already has an idea for how he would propose to you considering you've had marriage conversations already? I'd just talk to him more and try to gauge a timeline and express your full feelings to come to more of a common ground. It's your life and your relationship, so do what feels right for you though.

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Having read your other posts it seems like you are more on the side to propose and you feel it is right. None of us here can tell you what to do but like a PP said, yes there are relationships where some people marry after a short time and are happy forever but that is rare. They are the exception and your marriage could or could not be the same. I agree to live with someone because you two went through some hard ships but not the same as loss of a loved one or financially having to support someone for a long time. My FH and I went through both and the latter was a challenge and us surviving it showed the good and bad and that we can get through it together. We have lived together for 4 years and I feel now we know for sure we can be together but even then nothing is guaranteed. There is a lot you do not see about the person within 8 months. I would at least live together first. Even little stuff like how he handles paying bills or debt or stressful situations can say a lot.

Apart from our opinions, something to think about. Yes, you two have discussed marriage but have you discussed when you want to. You may be ready but maybe he is not and that is a conversation to have. A friend of mine (not advised but worked for her) gave her now husband two years in their relationship to propose. She made it clear it was what she wanted and within two years if not engaged then she would move on because she did not want to wait years. I do not recommend that as not all men do well with ultimatums but even my now FH, he saw us together and he was committed and he never saw the point of marriage but I had to sit with him after are hard time and basically say that marriage is important to me and even though I do not want to lose him, if this is not the way we are headed then we need to reevaluate the relationship. I could not with him come off as strong as my friend but I did ask him where are we going and I did state I would like it to be before I am 40. However, we also have been together 7 years. He may not take 8 years but it may not be bad to ask him his timeline in regards to when he wants to get married. I am sure he is happy with you but is he ready to be with you forever? That is a scary conversation but he may not be there and if you were to propose to him and he says no then would the relationship continue? Even if he said no not now would you still want to be him? Had my FH said he wants to be with me but did not want to marry me, for me I could not continue the relationship as that would show a lot about how he felt about me and I would be too hurt to continue on. The main thing is, is he ready to make that commitment?

A proposal should be a formality. You should always know what the answer will be before you propose.


The ideal thing to do is have a series of conversations about where do you see this relationship going, when do you see us married, do you want kids, when, by when do you want to be formally engaged, are we ring shopping together or are you picking it out, etc. Once you're both on the same page, then you can do an "official" proposal if that's your thing.
Life is not a Hallmark movie where the man surprises you, unprompted, with a ring that magically fits and just happens to be your style.

View Quoted Comment Sounds like a better idea. Some men aren't ready within a year. So if that time comes and he hasn't proposed that doesn't mean he won't. A lot of couples are together more than a year before one person proposes. I was with my husband for 2.5 years before he proposed. He wanted to be sure that is what he wanted. I would rather he be sure then propose and realize rushed into things. You are still young so I wouldn't race anything.