sister in law pregnant and insists her baby comes...momzilla! help!

No offense but watching a baby while being a part of a wedding is stressful. It is the time where you should be enjoying yourself. But feeling like you are working, it is like it is pointless to go to the wedding

And yes 8 months is very handful lol.

Sarah- BM don't wait on you hand and foot for sure! But they need to be able to walk down the aisle, stand in front during the ceremony, be available for pictures. And that doesn't include getting ready the morning of the event. What is something is scheduled during naptime? She shouldn't change her entire schedule for the day because of a baby.

They may not have a ton of things to do- but there are definitely time constraints. The rest of the wedding can't wait because the adorable little pea pooped and mommy has to change her. A crying child can be very distracting during the ceremony. A hungry child can keep mom from being able to be in pictures of the bridal party- when the rest of the guests are waiting for those pictures to be over so the reception can start.

As a mother of 3- A child is a blessing, but it comes with alot of responsibility. I don't think she can be a BM and take care of the child all day. She will need someone else who can step in, or back out.

Well said Meghan, you have said it better :-p

And just to add fuel to the fire- I think it's more important that your brother be present than his wife. If she stays in the bridal party- you need a sitter. If she doesn't- it sounds like you could care less... This may be a good opportunity to get her out making it her choice.

*that sounds horrible, but you get the idea*

I guess my logic is this, my nieces and newphews are family, and there are people that were invited that i/we didn't really talk to or hang out with. If they're invited, then my nieces and nephews should be too, they're close to me and DH, and in my opinon, deserve to be there more so than some of the other guests. (in the end, we did manage to cut down the guest list, although there were a few invites that went to some people/couples you had to question..lol)

In summary- "to each they're own".

Everyone has very different family dynamics - let alone wedding tastes. Sure, it'd be nice if everyone came from a solid, loving, not crazy, brady bunch family - but let's be real! Why try to push your opinion onto someone else and make them feel bad for who they are and the families they have?

Amanda, do your thing and don't worry about what your non-guests think. You really can't go wrong with whichever way you handle this already sticky situation

Yes, my sister in law is very demanding. I would invite my future neice but we believe the ceremony to be very personal- in fact we first wanted to get married with just my immediate family but my mother and father insisted if they were helping pay that the ceremony should be shared. I really don't want to stress about babies or young children misbehaving or crying during the ceremony or even the reception- I want this one evening to be about me- maybe its selfish but I dont want to worry about children running around and we both don't want to pay for another 15 children- its still 40 dollars per plate for children at the place we're at. If I invite my future neice my aunt and uncle will be mad that their grandchild- my cousins kids are not invited and I dont want to open that bag of worms. My sister in law is the only one who I know will be offended at this- we have had other family weddings without children already.

My brother, unfortuntly, lost his opinions when he got married and does everything his wife wants him to- waiting on her hand and foot. I'm not sure how he feels about teh situation. I already have had a discussion between my fiance myself and my parents- my parents both would like their grandchild to come- even though the baby will be 8 mos old and as per my mom "we dont know if she will cry." There will be a loud live band at teh reception, open bar- its not the place for a baby at 9pm at night. My parents insist that we should wait until she has the baby and maybe will see how much of a handful children are before we tell her no children. I see that point, however, the fact that she sent me an email directly stating her child is coming most likely- means that I feel I need to tell her now even though she may get upset. I know my brother will go on her side since he has always gone on her side even though he has said that she can get kind of out of hand sometimes.

Ah, then just tell her no...

and I assume you are hoping she doesn't come!

I see where you are coming from--it's not unheard of or rare that you would feel this way.

best of luck

make sure that your FS stands by yours side and speaks up too!

When it comes to events, if you do not make one rule for all children, you will be stuck with granting everyone an exception. Either you are allowing children, or you are kind enough to help them find a baby sitter (www.sittercity.com) or you make it adult only. I think a baby sitter onsite (eg is there a bridal suite, can you use a hotel room to at least take the children too if the dance music is too loud, or they need changing or feeding) is a very gracious option. But make a plan now, or you will not be able to lay down the rules when the SIL finds an expensive dress for the baby, and the other parents who hear about it make plans to take their children along.

You say no kids its no kids ... plain and simple ... see if you can find a sitter for baby so mom/dad can kick up their heels and relax ...

I'm in a similar situation. One of my two BM's is pregnant and the baby will be about a year old when my wedding comes around. She hasn't said anything, so I'm just going to wait and see how this plays out. I really want to invite one 7 year old girl, whom I have seen grow up and she behaves really well. So I guess if I invite the girl, I have to be open if my BM brings her baby. Sigh.

If it were a 1- or 2-month-old even, I'd be more sympathetic--but you're right that the setting is likely to just be extra stressful for an 8-month-old, creating stress for everyone else. And as Fun bride says, if you make one exception, you're just opening the floodgates. You can't count on her to come to her senses, so you're doing the right thing wanting to make it clear from the beginning that kids aren't invited.

I would let her know now so there will be no misunderstandings later on.

Maybe talk to your FH about locating a baby sitter and send an e-mail to guests, or note the arrangements on your wedding site - that a baby sitter will be provided to allow parents enjoy the wedding

I am sorry if this comes off rude.... but..... I personally would be upset and not show up to a wedding or be a part of a wedding party if my kids were not invited. I love my children and if they are not wanted at places then I feel that I am not wanted at that place. I have a kid friendly wedding and kid acivities planned and even a kid entree for them. I don't see what the problem is if the father can handle the child. If your mother is institing on the child being there than she can help out as well as when the child is fussy. A BM can do both. I know I was a single mother working 40 Hrs attending law school and was in a wedding as a BM and still could handle my 1 yr old at that time. but in the end it is up to you and your FH. Sorry if it came off rude that was not my intent. It's just my opioion.

Actually, a loud reception could be just the right place for a child. If it makes a bit of noise, you'd never notice. My son, at 7 months, went to a wedding with two mariachi bands, and slept soundly under our table.

However, if you don't want the baby there, you could certainly tell her now something like, "We're looking forward to meeting the baby, and have arranged for child care so you can still participate in all the BM stuff." That puts it in a more positive way, and still gets across the point that the baby should not be at the ceremony/reception.

The only kids we are having are those in the wedding. Period end of story. If you insist on bringing your kid then we will insist that you not come. Try hiring someone who will watch the kids....

We decided to limit the children at our wedding to our own, my godson and our first cousins who are all younger. All together, there were about 8 - no more - children ranging from 5 to 14. This is not including the 2 that showed up despite being told that we were not able to include children outside of this category. What do you think about applying a "rule" so that things seem fair and consistent? Or do you want no children at all? In the end, this decision is yours. Personally, I might not attend my SIL's/Brother's wedding if my children were being excluded. Or I might but would be hurt about my children (their nieces) not being included. I understand completely the reasons for not wanting children at weddings (I did this). While 8 months is old enough to leave a baby with a sitter, it may not be easy to do - for the parents or the baby. And is it safe to assume that most family would could care for the baby might also be at the wedding?