shower guests not invited to the wedding

Sorry, can't agree. If you're having to cut back on 'close friends and family' pick a different venue, have a buffet meal, skip the limo-- whatever. Don't invite them to a gift-oriented party and hope that makes them feel 'included'. I wouldn't feel that way at all.

Pretty much how this thread is going....

Actually prada isn't completely wrong...I know plenty of people who have had an open wedding and private reception. believe it or not it is based on the 'audience' or your 'circle'. I've had people even suggest that to me. people in my 'circle' would understand if I invited them to the ceremony and not reception and not be offended. They have told me that and said they understand. and they meant it. (I decided to only send invitations to those invited to the reception, and Im sending one ceremony invitation to my church as a whole).

What if the couple is having a very small wedding (immediate family only)? Also, what if the couple has nothing to do with planning a shower and someone else plans it as a surprise?

You fail at life

I am in the fence.....i would say it is rude, but I am basically being thrown a shower in my hometown, that I don't think I'll have much control over the guest list (I told the potential hosts that I really don't want one at all.) They will probably end up inviting a lot of people they know I knew as a child...people that I won't invite to my wedding, especially because it is 7 hours away and I know they won't come (we just aren't that close).

So, I don't care about etiquette! Lol

What about surprise or semi surprise bridal showers?

I don't think it's rude at all. That's what I'm doing and I've explained the situation to all my family and friends and they've been very understanding about it. In fact, even though we can't invite anyone from church, the ladies there on their own free will decided to throw me a shower as well. They aren't offended at all, they just wanted to do something nice. No one else has been offended either. If we invited everyone to the bridal shower and wedding, we would have a 500 person guest list, which we cannot afford. Most people are understanding about that. My friend had a small wedding in October and she invited cousins that she couldn't invite to the wedding to her bridal shower and they weren't offended at all.

Why is it rude?

The point of a bridal shower is to shower the bride with wedding gifts (typically that the bride and her partner registered for). That's the ENTIRE POINT. It is a gift-giving event. Full stop. The end.

Inviting someone to give you a gift when they are NOT invited to the event is inherently, undeniably rude. It's not about people being understanding or just wanting to be included. Being invited to buy you a gift is not an honor. People shouldn't be asked to give you a gift when you are not inviting them to the wedding. And people who KNOW they are not invited to the wedding will likely not attend, and people who figure it out later will likely not want to maintain a relationship with you.

The bottom line is that it's OKAY if you can't invite everyone you'd like to to the wedding itself. That's okay. People will be much more understanding of that (which is not rude) than they will be of you inviting people to the shower with no intention of inviting them to the event that they're congratulating you on (which IS rude).

Future Mrs. Combs...finally someone who understands. I am not talking about inviting strangers or acquaintances to the shower. My family alone is over 200 people.

So, I am not a rude person at all...ever. I appreciate and thank you all for your feedback. I will take the advice of a different type of get together so as not to tread on the sacred "shower" role - this extra get together will be a no gifts event cause that is still not why I want to invite friends . Thanks again. I am glad to know what a hot topic this is for people.

But for myself, I will always go to a shower to celebrate a friend, wedding invite or not.

If you want to celebrate with people who you can not invite to the wedding have a house warming type party after the wedding to celebrate your recent nuptials! I would be offended if I made the shower list but not the wedding list!

Alright so I'm a hairdresser and I have 200 clients I would love to invite them all to the wedding as well as my other friends and family but that's not possible so why wouldn't I want to invite them to my bridal shower if that's the only thing I could invite them too... My venue only holds 150 people... I've talked to a few of my clients and they say they totally understand.. But now this post is making me freak the hell out!!! Ugh!?!? help!!

I am a hairdresser and I have over 200 clients whom I'd love to invite to my wedding but my venue only holds 150 so why wouldn't I want to invite them to my bridal shower?!? I can't only invite my customers to my wedding and not my family and personal friends so I think this is a good idea to invite them to my bridal shower so they can enjoy some of my special times with me!!! I am not doing this just for the gifts I'm doing it because I feel bad I cannot invite them all to my wedding... I was talking to a few of my clients and they said they totally understand but now after reading this post your make making me freak the hell out... UGH!!! Help?? Thoughts?!?