shower guests not invited to the wedding

Etiquette is there for a reason--to help us treat our guests with the respect they deserve, because after all, they are GUESTS at your wedding, and it is an HONOR to have them celebrate with you--not the other way around. That being said, a shower is to shower you with gifts for your married life, so where is the sense that the people showering you with gifts for your married life will not be invited to the event in which you will become a part of this married life? It's entirely rude and you appear gift grabby. I know you said that some people may not be able to make it to the wedding, so why invite them? Well here's why--don't make up peoples' minds for them. Don't assume that they won't make it, because maybe they will! If you want then at your wedding, invite them and give them a chance to decided whether they can afford to make it or not, but don't assume they won't make it if they live far away. When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.

In addition to the guests, I think it's rude to your shower host. You can't afford to include them in the wedding but you expect the shower host to foot the bill to include them in the shower so you get more gifts?

Holy crap, @futuremrsprada....what winnipegwriter said. Yikes! I hope this isn't true, because that is beyond rude.

@Allyson: I'd never even thought of that. Yet another reason to think this is rude!

Well, etiquette is sometimes out dates...and tradition is not a necessity. But common courtesy is always 'modern'. I actually pulled my shower guest list from the wedding guest list. It does seem a little rude. It wouldn't really bother me if someone invited me to the shower and not the wedding, (but I'm just that type of person). But I wouldn't want to do that to someone else.

Sorry but I think it is rude too. I would always expect to be invited to a wedding if I got a shower invitation. If not, you're just being greedy, to put it bluntly.

I had a few people at my shower that aren't invited to the wedding. I live 3 hours away for work during the week so I really doubted anybody would come to the wedding. They heard through the grapevine about my 50's Retro Housewife theme and asked if they could come. I didn't mind, but I of course told them they didn't have to bring a gift. I just wanted everyone to have a good time. They of course brought a gift and I appreciate it so I'm going add a little something to their thank-you note.

Obvi. I was being a little sarcastic. I do see it rude but at the same time i have to agree with trying to please everyone. I have a hugeeee guest list and id want to make everyone feel incorporated. I personally asked ppl not to bring gifts nor money. But for there presences to be thier gift. I am inviting everyone to our ceremony buttt not everyone is going to the reception. So far everyones been fine. I quote "as long as i see u say i do"..hence everyyyyone is invited to the ceremony! Everyone has there opinion but this is mine

@MrsPrada, of course to your face they're fine with it. People have a tendency to not call out brides in person about their rudeness.

Naaa my group of people are straight honest with me. They understand weddings are expensive. Honestly i couldn't ask for a better group of family and friends

If you want everything included than why not throw a shindig after the wedding that is not so dictated by etiquitte.... like just hey everyone that can't make it to the wedding (and people that could too) I want to celebrate in a casual fashion.

I had a shower this past weekend in my hometown (5 hours away). There were friends of my mom and some childhood friends at the shower that won't be at wedding. I knew they wouldn't attend due to distance/cost but wanted to see them. I am having another shower (brewery tour...yeah!) but am only inviting people that are on the wedding invite list.

@Allison I'm similar to you. FMIL and her huge group of friends love entertaining and parties. They are having a large shower/luncheon for me 7 hours away (we are flying down) they are not all invited to the wedding, but my BP is having a shower this summer with wedding guests only.

I am so glad that I am having a small wedding for 40 people.If I couldn't afford for everyone I wanted to be there at the wedding, I would just get a cheaper venue, or cut cost somewhere else. In the grand scheme of things what is more important who is there to celebrate with you and your FH, and making sure everyone you love is there, or making sure you get the most expensive gown and shoes and the prettiest venue even though no one you want can come.

I am sure you are a lovely person, but please get out of the mindset that it's some kind of HONOR to be invited to give you presents at your shower.

And i can see where i didnt ask for your opinion! This is my choice! So BACK OFF!

@FutureMrsPrada: Don't post things on the forums that you don't want to hear opinions about.

I think calling each other rude and stupid are not nice opinions. She posted this thread for constructive criticism. Not act like highschoolers. Honestly im appalled by some of the comments. Then ppl wonder y some dont post anymore

Okay ladies, let's calm down, you're all pretty.

Lol @rusticbride love that