shower guests not invited to the wedding

Disagree. It's rude. It's says to people that they are important enough to "shower" the bride with gifts but not important enough to be invited to the actual event and witness the marriage. You can believe etiquette is outdated if you want, but many of your guests will disagree and some may be quite offended by a "shower-only" invite.

^^^ what Emily said.

No, it's still rude. I would not go to a shower if I wasn't invited to the wedding.

If you invite someone to a shower where you will be showered with gifts and NOT invite them to the wedding - it comes across as a gift grab and you look like a witch...sorry. I worked in an office where a girl (in her mind as a compromise) invited the whole office to her shower - but then did not invite any of the office girls to the wedding. It was BAD for her after that and she did not stay working there much longer because it created such a mess. People can be very resentful over stuff like that, so just keep that in mind.

It's too bad you're just a terrible person.

Yea, no. Tradition can be old-fashioned but etiquette is common courtesy, and 90% of the time is common sense.

I get what you're saying about wanting to include people, but a shower isn't the venue to do that. Bring some pictures to show them after the fact and go out to dinner with them or something. Send them a wedding announcement.

I. C., you're coming off smug and greedy. This tradition may be, as you say, old-fashioned, but it is more as a courtesy to others. However, your guests accept and expect this behavior from you.

Ugh. If I'm expected to sit through a shower, I should be invited to the wedding. Times are changing but bad etiquette is still bad etiquette.

Are you serious?? That is THE most selfish and greedy thing I have ever read. You say it isn't about the gifts, but TBH it is coming off like you want to invite a bunch of people to a shower to get the gifts, and then not invite them to the wedding so you don't have to pay for more guests.

Absolutely ridiculous. Smh...

I say you're wrong and etiquette is right. Etiquette is not outdated, you just simply want to let your guests care more about you than you care about them.

The ONLY time I would say etiquette is "out of date" is that the execution of the etiquette rules can date themselves. Etiquette itself is a principle about respecting others.

Thanks for posting this so we can all let off some steam... it's good anger management practice.

...

Lol!!!

Lmao at Amanda-Kiora about anger management. That's awesome lol.

OP...while I could POSSIBLY, POSSIBLY, see where you think it'd be more cost effective to someone to purchase ONE gift, that's just not how it works lmao. Here's why. People travel to both events. They tend to buy 2 gifts. The shower is generally a time to give registry gifts, household gifts, lingerie. Shit your fh really doesn't care less about. It's also usually a relatively inexpensive gift, compared to the wedding gift.

Also, while planning your multiple gift grabbing opportunities, please ensure you know the etiquette of canceling things. If you postpone the wedding more than 6-9 months, you SHOULD return the gifts, with an explanation. If you call the whole thing off, you MUST return each and every gift received. Why? Because you were given a gift directed towards an outcome(a marriage). In this case, you would return gifts, bc such marriage isn't happening.

Wow ladies chill. Personally I don't think it is a big deal mainly because the bride typically does not set it up, the party does and sometimes word gets out of mouth, sometimes ppl sneak in and showers are like house warming parties or house parties where who does go isn't that big of a deal. It is now making arguments like how come coworkers throw a shower for you when they were not invited to the wedding because there is too many of them? I went to a shower without being invited to the wedding didn't think it was rude, the gal and I really don't know one another.

I've been invited to a shower without brig invited to the wedding but I didn't think anything if it. I was happy to go and celebrate the bride. The wedding was out of state so not a lot of people were invited to the wedding to begin with.

Apparently though, bad etiquette doesn't bother me as much as it does everyone else.

All that said, I wouldn't have the balls to do it myself.

Coworkers throwing a party with other coworkers as a shower is different than a bridal shower that a family member or a bridesmaid plans with the guest list input from the bride. According to outdated etiquette.

Also, I just realized I'm breaking etiquette rule #1 (according to Judith Martin, Miss Manners): Bashing someone to bits (ie being rude) over them being rude. I am unacceptable!!! Sorry OP, I realize you aren't even looking for input since you never wrote a question in your post. Go on in your merry old way, but you have been warned that probably some people will be offended.

Etiquette = good manners/not being rude. How to be polite to someone and not be offensive really doesn't change *that* much over time.

The entire reason that etiquette says it's rude to invite someone to a shower without inviting them to the wedding is this: a shower is intended to "shower" the bride (or couple, in a coed shower) with gifts prior to their wedding. The wedding however, is an event. While most guests WILL bring a gift to the wedding, there is no "obligation" like there is with a shower. In other words, for a shower, gifts are expected, for a wedding, they shouldn't be "expected," but rather a token given at the guest's choice. When you invite to only the shower and not the wedding as well, the appearance is given that the person was invited solely for the purpose of being good enough to buy a gift, but not good enough for the wedding.

There *are* a few exceptions to this, such as workplaces, where coworkers who are aware they are not going to be invited/not expecting a wedding invitation will hold workplace "showers" for their engaged coworker, showers that occur when the couple is planning on a destination wedding and they have been specifically told by family members that they would not be able to make it but would welcome attending a local shower, etc. In the vast majority of cases however, inviting to one without the other is considered extremely rude. Sometimes showers are planned unexpectedly by individuals who are not familiar with this etiquette however, and when this occurs, the rudeness shouldn't be held against the couple.

Not everyone invited to my bridal shower is invited to the wedding because we are having a small desination wedding but they will all be invited to the reception we are having back home! They know that and are perfectly ok with it because they just want to celebrate with us!

My bridal shower was a surprise by a friend and so there was A TON of people there that I was actually not intending to invite. Long story short, my guest list grew by 15.

Don't be hurtful to those around you...just don't invite them at all.