shower guests not invited to the wedding

I probably would be offended if I was only invited to the shower and not the wedding. Just sayin'.

I'm having a shower thrown for me in spite of the fact we're eloping (though we are throwing a reception-esque party to celebrate when we get home). We tried to fight it but my MOH and family want to celebrate us however they can, which is very sweet, though we are asking for no gifts (so it's more of a "yay you're eloping" party. But knowing our families, there will be gifts nonetheless).

That said, I think it's rude for the bride to deliberately invite people not invited to the big day if you're having a real wedding.

I certainly don't agree with all of the etiquette rules, but this one seems pretty darn hard to argue with. Definitely rude

Wow.

Sounds like the original poster is trying to find validation in her incorrect choice.

It is just wrong to invite people to your shower but not wedding. You are an awful person if you do such a thing.

OP is no where to be found... we got trolled.

If someone sent me a shower invite only I would be pissed. Then again I am not having a shower, I just don't feel comfortable inviting people to a party to bring me gifts. Makes me feel weird.

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Nope disagree totally rude. Its like saying you were good enough for the gift but not good enough for the wedding. If they couldn't make the cut for the wedding they shouldn't be invited to the shower, it's for guests only. If someone non invited wants to gift thats fine and you have NO obligation to invite them. But you don't invite someone to give you a gift without inviting them to the party. If you can't invite everyone then it is what it is but if they mean that much to you then you need to put your priories in order and figure out how to add them to the wedding. IMO.

I understand that you're trying to include everyone, but I still think they should be invited to the wedding.

Times may be a-changing, but there are also options. We chose a venue that can accomodate both of our large families and is within our budget. We're cutting unneccessary things like favors in order to provide good food, drinks, and entertainment for our large guest list.

We're not getting married for the gifts.

I would be more offended being invited to a shower but not a wedding then I would be not being invited to either.

"You aren't a close enough friend to come to my wedding but you ARE close enough to give me a gift.'

I have only seen this in the workplace where a shower has been thrown for a coworker while not everyone was invited to the wedding. Actually I don't know if anyone in the office was invited to one girl's, but we had a shower for her as we are friends with her and wanted to do that for her. I was not offended that I was not invited, but outside of that situation, I would find it rather irksome!

Doing this just says "you're not close enough for me to invite you to a party I'm throwing, but please come to this party someone else is paying for and, oh by the way, the whole purpose of THAT party is to give me gifts. Love you lots!"

If you want to celebrate with people, you find a way to figure that out. I have a huge family. We're having a longer engagement so we can save up and accommodate all of my family because it's important to me that they're there. This is just ugh.

I'm not going to call you a horrible person, but even I don't think you should invite people to showers that aren't going to be invited to the wedding.

the only exception I can think of would be someone that was in the loop and it was knows that they didn't mind or couldn't go to the wedding, so they would like to attend the shower.

I can see maybe some people I've known wanting to attend a party like a bachelor party or a girls night out if they weren't going to be involved maybe, but not a shower myself.

there's a lot of people that consider showers to be a ploy for gifts as it is, inviting them to a shower and not the wedding isn't going to sit well with a lot of people.

making sure you can have your wedding your way is one thing, but showers are a bit different. if someone wants to come to the shower but understands they can't be included in the wedding, then go ahead and invite them. but I personally wouldn't do it in general.

though I do see your point.

Hmmm..."I" sure does look like stylishbride...especially around the left ring...LOL!!

I would feel like I'm good enough to come give you a gift at your party but not good enough to celebrate at your wedding?? Now if your friends/coworkers decide to do something for you on their own I think that's one thing. But to plan to invite people you know aren't invited to your wedding does seem a bit rude.

I am only inviting people to my shower that are going to my wedding. Why tease your friends and act like they're going when they're really not. I stand by my decision.

I agree with you. This is what we are doing. At the end people want party and food! (other than seeing u get married) im inviting 250 to my bridal shower and 200 to the wedding. And everyones cool with that :p

@FutureMrsPrada -- I really hope you're joking.

It says this to make rude people like you look stupid.

This is still rude. If it's not about the presents, just do some kind of small party with people you can't invite to the wedding. It would be the same number of people and the same effort on your part but you won't be asking for gifts. If it's not about the gifts, then this shouldn't be a problem for you.