secretly married?

I don't really see the problem with living with someone before you are married, although my fiance and i are waiting anyways. and we are also getting married before our wedding day, but for different reasons. it's up to you. i personally do not see a problem with it. to each's own is my philosophy.

I know what its like to have parents like that, and trust me, it is wayyyyy less hassle to honor the parents one wish of not living together. i know we are adults and should make our own decisions, but the strain it would put between me (or in the case, Katie) and parents is so not worth it. I know I personally would hear every single day that my mom is "praying" for me and my place in heaven and all that jazz if I were to live with my FH right now. In all honesty its not worth the hassle to me.

I am not living with my FS until marriage, we are strongly against it and we will have a long distance relationship until the wedding. But we will be married in secret with JOP in December, my mom will be with us. We don't want to tell his parents because they would be very upset if we do it. We are doing it for military reason, so I can move with him asap after the wedding in Feb.

It is really up to you. I learned that it is your choice and must do what what makes YOU happy. If you do it just for the parents, you will not be happy :-(. If you feel right, then do it :-)

We haven't and won't tell any of our friends or family. That's not why we did it.

However, I know a couple who were kinda on the same page as you guys. They bought a house and had it all set up before they were married. They both kinda half lived there and half didn't. They made a promise that the two of them wouldn't be in the house at the same time until after their wedding. But some days she stayed there and some days he did. I don't think they ever had any particular arrangement or anything. They just swapped out whenever.

Ok...kind if weary about posting this b/c even some of my closest friends have been very judgmental and I know my mom would be very hurt if she knew...but what's done is done.

FH and I will have been married for 3 years this coming November. At the time we wanted to get married for several reasons, and we felt it was the right decision for us at the time. Two reasons we didn't tell anyone. One, I really didn't feel my mom would have been supportive at the time. We were not doing well financially and as anyone who has ever had financial issues they know the stress it can put on a relationship. Most of the financial issues is b/c FH had a LOT of medical issues and we were paying ridiculous amt's for dr visits and med's and it was killing us

The second reason was I just didn't feel like the wedding and reception that I have always wanted would be taken seriously if people already knew we were married.

Fh ended up telling his family, so they all know, but my family does not. (cont

It sucks b/c I feel like WE did the right thing for US at the time, but I also know that my mom would be hurt beyond belief if she knew that I didn't tell her. At this point I don't even know how I would tell her without seriously hurting our relationship, which sucks b/c I am pretty close to my mom.

I told FH that I would tell my mom AFTER our wedding in September. To us, we are married for all intents in purposes, but it will be OFFICIAL to us when we acknowledge our union in front of our friends and family. The JOP was a technicality necc. for him to get ins and that's about it.

It's been really hard, my mom is very jaded when it comes to relationships and she makes comments all the time about basically what's mine is mine b/c we aren't married etc..and it drives FH crazy.

I will say this, I feel in a lot of ways that the way we did things was almost easier minus the whole secret thing. I'm so excited about the wedding, and not at all worried about what anyone else thinks lol

I think it's a personal decision as to whether or not to live together before marriage..there was a huge thread/debate about it a long while back and many people stand on either side. I stand on the do what is financially best for YOU and what YOU want to do side. I have lived with FS since August 2008 and a lot of my family was secretly livid with the decision until about a month after we'd lived together and then they let lose. In the end..they have come to be happy with it and it was what was best for us since he stayed at my house every night anyways..what was the use in paying for 2 places when we are at one? My friends from college had a similar situation and they just had to live together..it was the only feasible solution. Do what is in your heart. If they prefer him to stay in a guest room then you aren't "sleeping" in the same room I guess..but ultimately it's your decision and it's your own closed doors to worry about what goes on behind. Good luck my dear

I agree with heavnsnt128 in the sense that soon he'll be paying your bills anyways (I believe in the what's yours is mine vice versa...) and having you live closer will probably make him happy.

FH & I have been living together for the past 4.5years. He moved in with me 6 months after we started dating!! Partly because his lease was up, he didn't want to move back home & couldn't afford a place of his own yet.

You 2 are grown-ups & I know you love your families but... it's 2010. Who cares that he pays the bills?? Once you move in you're probably going to be paying the bills also. Why make it harder on both of yourselves by having 2 separate places? If your families are giving you that much grief then kick him to the guest room, lol.

I will tell you one additional thing kk, if I hadn't lived with FH prior to the wedding, OMG! I think I would've gone crazy with all of the annoying habits he has but after 4.5 years, some have seized (because I asked, lol) & others, well... we fake cry domestic abuse, lol. I know I know, something to not joke around about, sorry. In all seriousness, what do YOU TWO want?????????????????

I say do what you both want but being secretly married sounds romantic but then the whole point would be to tell your relatives and they might get upset you didn't wait till the big wedding day. I never wanted to live with someone before marriage and I know my family doesn't agree with it either but it worked out .Its all about what you both want and also what makes sense with your cash $$

My FH and I aren't living together before marriage either. We just got our apt actually. He moved in and I don't get to until after the wedding! I am the one paying the bills right now, but he is living there. I feel that it doesnt really matter who lives there as long as the other will join shortly. I wish it was me though... LOL.