Secret reception location

I'm not sure I'd recommend it because I still think it's too confusing and will punish your supportive guests, BUT - you could send out invitations with the only ceremony information stating that the reception is to follow AND hire transportation to take all of your guests to the reception and then back to their hotels or the ceremony location at the end of the night.

I still think people might just ask you flat out where the reception is out of curiosity and it would be weird to stone-wall them, but that is my best "secret reception location" suggestion!

I just wouldn't invite the people who you know are against the marriage. They really aren't supportive of either one of you if they feel the need to only attend the reception and not the ceremony. And when those people act surprised that they didn't receive an invite, you can explain that you cannot be supportive of their hipocracy.

Well... this is unique. Curious to know the reasoning behind it. Nevertheless, it's your wedding if people want to come to your reception they'll wait until you provide the location. It's as simple as that.They're the ones missing out on the food and liquor not you smh

I'm sorry you're dealing with so many people who don't support your union, OP. In my opinion, it's really disrespectful of them to refuse to attend your ceremony, yet still want to partake in your hospitality, food, booze, and music. A reception is a thank-you to guests for coming to the ceremony. I don't think guests should accept that "thank-you" if they don't intend to attend the ceremony. Especially when they oppose the marriage.

That said, I'm not sure the secret location thing will work, logistically. And I'm not sure turning people away at the door will work either. 200 is a lot of guests, and I'm not sure how you can reliably track who attended the ceremony and who is attempting to enter the reception.

Plus, that just seems like a lot of energy to spend worrying about who supports you and who doesn't on your wedding day! It seems really negative--it would just bring you down and distract you from a joyful occasion. Your wedding day should be full of love and celebration, not worrying about enforcing this rule.

Honestly? I say don't even invite the people who say they won't be supportive of your union. Or if you do invite them, when they say, "I'll attend the reception, but not the ceremony, because your marriage is against my beliefs," tell them, "I'm sorry, but if you are not willing to attend the ceremony, you are not welcome at the reception." You will have to trust that they respect your wishes, and let it go if they don't.

Best of luck to you and your future wife!

@Harmonie, would it be possible to send that information out after everyone RSVPs? Then you can keep track. Of course, not everyone is good about RSVPing but it's still a good option. In the meantime if this is what you really want to do - I'd stick with keeping it simple. "Reception immediately following" and you can add " location to be announced" at the end of that if you want.

ETA: I am sorry you're dealing with this and I actually do understand your reasoning for inviting them anyway. You want to be the bigger person, I get it. Just make sure those people won't come and ruin part of your day...you want only positive energy around you!

@elphaba I get it! and I thank you for the advice. I totally understand I guess it's a way to make them more cognoscente of the way they are treating us as a couple, and individually as well. We just want it to be about love that's all and by making them realize their choices are impairing them from our ceremony. Honestly, these people do love us and have been around us for 7 years...it's just now that the word marriage is brought up, they want to change their behavior. Well, they may have called you those names and treated you badly, but you seem like one sharp character and are missing out on some wild and fun convos!!! Thanks "hon"!! I

@harmonie this sucks and I hate you're dealing with it. Don't let it take away from the fact that your marrying the love of your life. At the end of the day your significant other will be there -not them -and that's what matters most! You don't need any bad vibes at the ceremony

@Harmonie and @Cheryl I've been on this for a few weeks now and have definitely thought the same about the hostility. I've posted and removed out of embarrassment and have taken a lot of things personally and called out people that I felt offended me. But I'm still here because I've learned a few things that will hopefully help you. 1. Seriously, put a picture up. Any picture. It's mentioned in every single thread and sets a platform for being part a community (which I see you did already so good job!). 2. Be descriptive or be prepared for advice based on assumptions. 3. There are certain things said to you that are worth standing up for, but everything else you should just let roll off your shoulder because others won't understand it like you do and it's not worth your time to explain it to them. 4. Unless it's something outrageous, it'll seem like a vast majority could disagree with you and get away with calling you rude or make you feel bad for doing it, but there are those that agree/understand and not make you feel crazy and alone for thinking it and can even suggest other ways of approaching it that you wouldn't have even considered. 5. Take what you learned about how you feel when people approach you a certain way and keep that in mind when commenting on someone else seeking advice.

Hope the initial reaction doesn’t steer you away from here. It's definitely helped and continues to help me a lot.

Welcome Harmony! Good luck sorting all this out. When were you planning on informing people of the actual reception venue? At the conclusion of the ceremony? How far away from the ceremony is the reception? I'd maybe word it as something like "reception to follow at nearby location" depending on your answers to my previous questions. I'm sorry that not everyone in your family is supportive, that always make things more complicated. As long as you are honest and explain things to those you are inviting who will support you unconditionally, I think you'll be ok.

@kimberly thanks hon! Yes, I think that wording will be best!!!! Reception to follow at nearby location! it's totally ok! We deal with is daily and handle it accordingly! Thanks!

@Malei thanks hon! Totally not steered away! thanks!

@asta too down!

So sorry you are going through this just because of family. I still think the secret location is kind of pointless because chances are ppl will talk. But anyway that's your choice & you must do what makes you comfortable.

As far as the ppl who don't support your marriage, I say screw them. IMO, they don't deserve to be invited. You are who you are. If they can't support you 100% they don't belong there. Not the ceremony or the reception. Why should they come to eat, drink and be entertained at your expense?

Same sex marriage or not, it doesn't matter. If someone didn't support my relationship, I wouldn't invite them. They should love you no matter what. Your happy & that should be all that matters.

Best of luck to you!

@Harmonie, haha! I love that you added Wedding Ninja to your name! That's the spirit, girl! Also welcome and congrats on your upcoming wedding!

DAAAMMMNNN these comments are harsh asf lol

So fun(ny) reading this thread... Wedding Ninja you have definitely made you way to the cool kids table. I hope all goes well for you both in your wedding planning and beyond. Sorry you had to be inducted in this manner but you took it like a champ. There's a great crew of people on here willing to assist and believe me they have helped me immensely. We didn't mean any harm and neither did you so enjoy and welcome to the club!

Honestly, @OP, I think you can do whatever you want. Some guests will be happier to know the location, but to a lot it won't matter. And as you can see from this post, explaining the reason for the hush hush goes a long way when someone asks. If people ask later just say you are trying to keep it private considering xyz. I think providing transportation to the reception is a fantastic idea from a PP.

The invitation could say the address of the location and note "reception to follow, transportation provided" or something like that then explain a tiny bit more on the website. I would probably have questions about it, but people pull off surprise weddings these days. This is doable.

Or, could you reveal the location in circles on an insert? The invitation could just say "reception to follow" like many do then you could include a reception insert in the invitations of people you know are supportive (e.g., close friends) and not others? I don't know, just throwing out ideas.

You could leave a vague: "Reception to follow" on your invites and arrange for transport to and from your reception venue. When your guests ask, tell them the truth. I think it's perfectly acceptable to say something like, "We would love to have all of our friends and family by our side but we wouldn't feel right celebrating at our reception with people who won't acknowledge our ceremony and witness our vows."

This won't be easy to pull off and I would advise adding a few people to your final venue headcount so that if some people realize that they would like to be with you for your entire wedding day at the last minute, you have room. You should also make sure that your reception and ceremony venues are near by one another.

I was all ready to roll on on my gay white horse and throw down some wisdom, but then @Richard came along and did that already.

I get where you're coming from. I have family that is far from stoked about the wedding, and some we highly doubt will show up. I mean, my godmother legitimately booked a vacation days after finding out when my shower was for her and my little cousin so that she could have an excuse not to go and could protect my little (12 years old) cousin from seeing something "inappropriate" (just two queers uncomfortably opening gifts). They're getting invites anyway because we don't want to be the ones to shut things down. their ignorance and intolerance is not our problem, its their's, and they can make the decision to come or not.

For the people in your life who want to come to drink your gay booze and eat your gay cake but not support your gay marriage, fuck them. truly. However, I dont know how you can prevent them from coming. I kinda of can't even imagine people would do that.i

It's been said a couple times and buried (I think), but I like the idea of "reception to follow" on the invites and buses from the ceremony site! You can address everyone individually if they question. You can do a nice simple "transportation will be provided so you guys can leave your cars at the ceremony, or uber to it if you plan on drinking" reply too so it doesn't sound like you're hiding the site. I'd probably call and ask but would take that answer without blinking an eye

Just popping in to say welcome @Harmonie! Congrats on your engagement. Hang in there with the WW forums. I definitely concur with @Cheryl about lurking for a bit, reading the forums and comments to learn what's "taboo" around here. You will find that behind all that there are a lot of really supportive and creative people on here with some awesome suggestions.