RSVPs and no shows

My friends have tIld me 2,6,10 people have not shown up. I've never noticed. Some were no reason some were deaths, sickness. This is in ny where it's $100++. I wanted to tell the hall less than RSVP but that's awkward if someone. Doesn't have a seat...

All my guests are from out of town so I doubt anyone that said they are coming is going to back out of a plane ticket and hotel room that they booked. I think it is much more common when you have several local guests though to have a few no-shows.

Well, you can't really tell the hall less RSVP's because then you may not have enough seats or meals. I"m in NYC too, and 100 a person is a bargain.

It's flat out rude, but rude is becoming the norm. I hate it.

I would try not to worry about it (there's enough to worry about anyway). Hopefully if that does happen your caterer will be understanding and not charge you if it's only a few people. The last wedding I went to I didn't notice any empty seats, and the one before that (my bro's) only one person didn't come (due to illness).

Im pretty sure yes it is rather common, but probably less common if you only invite the people you really want to see and they want to see you. I think some ppl end up just inviting every relative and family friend they were ever close to at some point and unfortunately some ppl find weddings for ppl they hardly know a chore more than anything. I'd say for your sake and for finances, just make sure you invite those who you are actually close to and know they are rather easy to depend on to not ditch on you...

We didn't have any no shows. We did have last minute cancellations during the week leading up to the wedding (all with completely legitimate excuses... major health issues, family emergencies, and a death in their immediate family) however everybody that we were expecting the day of showed up.

We had 70 guests at our wedding (not including the last minute cancellations. 6 of those total, 2 of which we were told early enough to take them off our caterer's final count)

Sometimes you are going to have people that have something come up (work,sick,child sick,death in family.) Some caterers you pay at the end of the night by how many plates were served. I'm doing a buffet of finger foods like fruit, cheese, veggies, etc because in June its hot here. After being outside for the ceremony, no one is going to want a big, hot meal(plus saves me money.)

We are expecting no-shows. That way, when people don't show up, we are okay with it. As far as leftovers, we are donating to FH's church. He is part of the pantry ministry. They feed homeless and low-income families in their neighborhood Monday - Friday dinner and breakfast lunch and dinner on Saturday.

I'm worried about no-shows as well.

In order for us to get the awesome cheap price that we got - we have to pay for a 100 person minimum. Which, my parents are fine with that.

I'm worried about people RSVPing that they will be there and not showing -- Even the OOTers. I have friends in NYC - and since I left the city, they've been really shitty friends. I firmly believe they will say they are coming but then not bother to book a hotel or get a plane ticket.

FH has a lot of flaky people in his life as well.

We need to find new friends. *sigh*

At my brother's wedding about 5 years ago, he invited our Mom's cousins that she and her brothers were really close to when they were younger. There was 4 of them plus all of their wives. After they all said they were coming, our uncle was super excited and asked that he and his wife be seated with them. So assigned to this particular table was my uncle, his wife, and then all 8 of the cousins and their wives. Well NONE of those 8 showed up. My poor uncle and his wife were sitting at this huge table all alone until a few people realized how empty it was and changed their seat.

My brother's wedding had a bigger budget than ours because SIL's family is pretty wealthy. They never mentioned anything about it, but if that happened at our wedding I'd be PISSED. We didn't invite those cousins though, but because I really don't know them.

I don't think there really is anything you can do to avoid that though, no matter how inconsiderate it is.

Thank you ladies.

About half of our guests are from out of town so I am pretty sure they will be there. The other half are the ones that worry me, the ones that don't want to say no so they say yes but don't show up or the ones that just think it's no big deal. We are lucky in that we found a caterer that will work with us, but needs a final final number 7 days prior. I am hoping that our friends will have the courtesy to let us know if they won't be there and if they are no shows, I have to admit I will be rethinking that "friendship".

Once again you all have been very helpful.

What Christina Q said : )

We are inviting only close friends and close family so I imagine our RSVP rate will be higher and attendance rate higher than if we had invited everyone and their mother. There are a lot of factors that go into guest turn-out. The weather could be our biggest problem since we picked November 30 in PA.

That's why we follow up after RSVP's. If they haven't responded, call them (or better, have the moms or a bridal party member call - some folks don't like saying no to the bride or groom) and explain that a response is necessary.

If they can't provide a definite yes or no by X date (I'd say at least 2 weeks before your wedding), you can again follow up to let them know you've have to finalize plans and will not be able to accommodate them. That way, they know not to show up (or if they do, that there won't be a seat/food for them.)

It is very common, no matter your circle unfortunately. I think it is one of those things that will happen and you can't avoid it. It definitely happened to my future SIL and a friend that recently got married...cross your fingers and hope for the best.

FBIL had a couple no-shows who thought it was the next weekend. Not quite sure how you mess up the date that badly, but they did. So it happens. There really is no way to predict it.

Remember with the food not all places let you take any of it home.

I had a few wedding planners tell me when we do the contract to put 10% less than what we invited. Then when the time frame of how many should be there after the RSVP's give the final head count. That way if it's less you are not out as much and if it's more you already budgeted so you are good. This doesn't mean you won't have enough tables because most places do a final head count. It just means your contract you will start off with less vs more and lose money (if that makes sense).

We are having a buffet dinner. Our caterer told us she always makes about 10% more than the RSVP amount, as a cushion. So, those who I know are really flaky about showing up to events, the ones that are chronic RSVP-ers and still don't show up (even after I've called them to confirm) (I know we have a few), won't be included in the final count. I know it's a gamble, but I figured I can get away with it with a buffet dinner.

I am 99% sure that everyone who says they are attending will be there. We are also having a very small and intimate wedding...and that makes a difference.

@justaddcoffee---I'll be your friend!!!

I've never seen something like that -- I would imagine only a few, or no, people wouldn't show up, and who wouldn't at least want to stay long enough to eat free food? That's just silly.

At our wedding, we had one couple call us the day before with a last-minute emergency and say they couldn't come. We called up someone we knew and said hey, we know this is last-minute, but the food's paid for, free meal, wanna come? And they did, and it was fine.