Respect in Relationship

Eh it's normal. We even joke that I have time to go the gym earlier and that the hot guys are always there early and the ugly ones are there later. We joke about this stuff or enjoy it together like "were there any hot guys there?" just to laugh at time.

And we always point out good looking people to each other.

@ April R. That's a good point.

We check out people together. People watching is something we do for fun when we are out. We joke when we leave a place that had no eye candy. He doesn't comment on guys, but totally cool with me commenting. I think the only time I would be bothered if i see him breaking his neck to look. Like a girl is in front of us with full view but then he has to turn around after she passes us.

If you see him doing it, join in. For example, if he's looking at some girl's cleavage, say something like, "Do you think they're real" or scoff and say, "Please. Mine are better than those."

Don't accuse him. That's why he got defensive.

I really don't care if he checks out the scenery. I know it's me he's going home with. He says he doesn't and I actually believe him (based on his previous experiences).

Nothing wrong with a quick look to notice beauty however it can be an issue if it's constant looks and staring. That is just plain creepy! Me and my FH joke like one day a direct TV sales person at Walmart was obviously sexy so my FH jokes to me and said "You can sell me anything you want Mr Tall Dark and Handsome."

In a fun plot twist, I'm usually the first one to point out when a women has a nice ass or boobs LOL. He usually notices people's fashion or if he sees a build he is envious of. When FH does point a female body, it only slightly hurts my feelings if she's much thinner than I am, but that's more because of my own self-esteem than anything else. I usually make him feel uncomfortable (or did, we talked about it for a long time so he understood my heart was only his). Just because I have a ring on my finger doesn't mean all the attractive people suddenly disappear lol. Now, if he were to flirt with someone else that would be highly disrespectful. But we even admire other's attractiveness together lol. Maybe it's the Psych people in us, we also like people watching.

I think it can become disrespectful when one partner expresses it hurts their feelings and the other laughs it off or ignores it. An example, my parents often joke about how my Dad goes to Bravo Supermarket to look at Hispanic butts. But my Mom has also expressed deep insecurities. I think that when they're both joking from honesty it's one thing, but when she's uncomfortable with it and says something about it and he brushes off her feelings, I think that's disrespectful to your partner. I don't think just because it happens it makes it okay to feed your partner's insecurities or brush off how they feel, but that goes back to communication being key and it's more a disrespect of your partner's feelings than the action of noting someone else's attractiveness itself. ETA: We also never make comments that would make the other feel insecure. If at the end of our conversation he were to tell me "Well it still makes me really uncomfortable when you do that" I would stop. Likewise he no longer makes comments on girls who, in my opinion, look better than me because it made me feel bad (this only needed to happen a few times, mainly because I didn't tell him right away). And vice-versa I wouldn't comment on a guy if I knew it would play on his insecurities. That's when I think it becomes disrespectful, if both parties aren't on the same page and one keeps doing it anyway.

I play along with my FH. Sometimes I see an attractive lady and I'll point her out to him. Hell, I'm not conceited enough to think I'm the best looking woman in the world but I know I'm not the worst! I'm a realist and I know he's coming home to me.

@OP - if your example had been my husband and I then I would have noticed also and we would have looked at each other afterwards and said "boobage!" LOL. I like what E-Tex suggested.

I wouldn't care. He is looking not touching. I look at other people men and women. It's not a big deal.

If he was whistling or cat calling that is an issue of respect towards women as a whole - but otherwise - I don't care at all.

I get what you're saying, Mikayla. Calling him yours doesn't literally mean you think you own him. Kinda like Meredith Grey didn't mean she owned Christina Yang when she said, "You're my person." (Sorry for the random Grey's Anatomy reference.)

It doesn't bother me. It's natural to look at other people, I do it too. Sometimes I tease him about it but I know he isn't going to do anything about it.

It has never bothered me in the past. Prior relationships it was sometimes obvious. I can never tell when DH is doing it, and sometimes I do say, wow she is really pretty and he will agree with me. I know he is devoted to me.

I think FutureMrsWelch makes a good point. My FH got irritated when a friend of mine tagged me in a meme with Dwayne Johnson because it is no secret that he is my celebrity crush. He said he knew it was what it was, but it still bothered him. So, I am no longer vocal about my celebrity crush and I un-tag anything I may be tagged in related. It doesn't mean I have stopped appreciating those gorgeous white teeth and beautifully sculpted arms, but why should I make my appreciation obvious when I know it bothers FH? I should just keep commenting and admiring because it is *his* insecurity? No, it is partly my responsibility to help shore up his insecurities, not exploit them, ignore them, or consider them invalid because it wouldn't bother me if the tables were turned. If it is known that it bothers the other partner, it is disrespectful to keep doing it.

OP- you let him know it bothered you, no matter what method you used, it is done. Maybe a follow up discussion as to WHY it bothered you would be good. Granted, if a woman is wearing revealing clothing and letting herself hang out all over, eyes are going to gravitate there...they just are. Yours did. If a guy ran around without a shirt on, I'd notice. I wouldn't stare, but I'd notice...no matter the build or attractiveness.

ETA: words

A stare and a glance is different to me. A glance is fine.. But staring and making eye contact is a whole other thing and disrespectful.

I would probably make a joke about it. My husband has never checked out another woman in front of me, but he does check out CARS haha. It can sometimes be annoying so I can kind of understand the checking out another woman thing! I would make a joke about it and not start a fight about it but - if you bring it up and he gets defensive instead of apologizing, that's the wrong reaction.

@mrs Coakley It doesn't matter where you get your appetite. As long as you go home for dinner

Look not touch nor drool....men will be men.

@futuremrswallace exactly! I think if you aren't okay with your man harmlessly looking at other women (not gawking) it could potentially indicate a trust issue.

Look but don't touch. If a woman is beautiful, I'll say to my FH "she is gorgeous." He will look, agree, and we continue with our conversation or whatever. But also I don't find men going to strip clubs disrespectful either.

So I guess this is about setting boundaries in your relationships that work for you. If you're uncomfortable about something, address it.