A.Magill.Since.May
Master May 2018

Receiving a congrats card from someone who's attending??

A.Magill.Since.May, on April 28, 2018 at 2:44 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 23
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I don't really need advice, I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone else.

We received a "Congratulations Newlyweds" card with a very generous check today from my FH's grandparents. This is odd to me, because they told FH that they are coming to the wedding in three weeks. When Grammy told FH that they would come, she said "unless something happens health wise, but we'll let you know if we can't make it."
The card didn't say anything about them not coming, just said "Have a wonderful life together, love X and X" but I can't figure out why they would mail it rather than bring it for when we see them in person at the wedding?
We aren't bringing it up and still trusting their RSVP, of course. FH mentioned that "we can't wait to see them at the wedding" in the thankyou note we're mailing out ASAP, just as another mention that we're expecting them...

Has anyone had a guest mail the congratulations card/gift in advance and then still attend the wedding? Or anyone who RSVPed then mailed a card instead of showing up?

23 Comments

  • Sundae
    Dedicated December 2019
    Sundae
    • Flag
    Being an older generation, mailing letters and cards still means alot. They may have wanted to make sure you got the gift before the big day or didn't want a fuss made because of their gift. 馃槉Congratulations for your upcoming day!! I hope it's amazing!
    • Reply
  • A.Magill.Since.May
    Master May 2018
    A.Magill.Since.May
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That's why we have the Thank You Note in the mail ASAP and will thank them again in person when we see them. I guess I shouldn't read into it as much as I did to worry about them not making it.
    Thank you!
    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi
    • Flag
    I got cards when we sent out our save the date. It was fun.
    • Reply
  • A.Magill.Since.May
    Master May 2018
    A.Magill.Since.May
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We didn't do save the dates. And his grandparents didn't send back their actual RSVP. She just told him over the phone that they are planning on being there. That's why it's a little weird to me!
    • Reply
  • Jen
    VIP July 2018
    Jen
    • Flag

    Yes, I don't think this is so unusual and i am sure they are still coming. if I was giving a large, generous git, I may not want to leave it in a card box at the reception.

    • Reply
  • Sara P.
    VIP October 2018
    Sara P.
    • Flag
    They may just prefer to mail they gift ahead of time and that way they don't have to worry about it on the day of.
    • Reply
  • A.Magill.Since.May
    Master May 2018
    A.Magill.Since.May
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I hadn't thought about the security of the card box! Thank you for putting my mind at ease. I'm so excited/stressed about the wedding, especially with how close it is, I'm overthinking everything lol
    • Reply
  • rica
    VIP September 2018
    rica
    • Flag
    I know a lot of my older relatives get nervous about carrying money around and trust the mail more. I would assume this is the case.
    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel
    • Flag

    Traditional etiquette suggests that all gifts be sent prior to the wedding, and no gifts brought to the wedding. The rationale, like all etiquette guidelines, is to make life easier for the recipient. If gifts are delivered, not brought to the wedding, the family does not have the responsibility of ensuring the safety of the gifts imposed upon them. There are too many horror stories of card boxes being stolen, or gifts misplaced as they are moved from reception, to vehicles, to someone's home, then eventually to the couple.

    • Reply
  • A.Magill.Since.May
    Master May 2018
    A.Magill.Since.May
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Huh. I didn't know this! It makes good practice sense though.
    • Reply
  • khorysmom
    Dedicated May 2018
    khorysmom
    • Flag

    We have actually received quite a few cards and gifts already from guests that have rsvp'd to the wedding and reception as well. I think a lot has to do with the generation and also with not having to remember it the day of. Especially grandparents, immediate family, they have quite a bit on their plate on your wedding day as well. The cards we have opened and mailed Thank You notes to already. The gifts we are waiting to open until brunch the day after the wedding. I don't think you have anything to worry about. I think they'll be there.

    Congratulations!

    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2019
    Anna
    • Flag
    I think it鈥檚 an older generation thing. Maybe they didn鈥檛 want to physically bring the card and thought it鈥檇 be better to mail it? Unfortunately steeling from the card box happens so maybe they heard something and thought it鈥檇 be safer to mail it?
    • Reply
  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha
    • Flag

    We actually just got our congrats/gift card last week from FH's grandparents. They are coming to the wedding but they were concerned about us missing the check or needing the money for final payments. I thought it was super sweet and thoughtful. We called them right away and I mailed a thank you card this morning.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Fall Bride
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Fall Bride
    • Flag

    You're waaay overthinking this. They probably just wanted to get it out of the way so it's one less thing for them to think about when they travel to the wedding.

    • Reply
  • C
    Dedicated January 2019
    Christina
    • Flag
    As a guest I almost always mail a gift in advance. This is mostly because I use the registry online, so it's easier to ship beforehand. I also don't want the couple to have one more thing to remember not to leave behind. Plus they may just have the money on hand and want to make sure they give it to you instead of spending it themselves, or want you to already have it in your bank account so you can use towards the wedding or honeymoom.
    • Reply
  • C
    Dedicated January 2019
    Christina
    • Flag
    I've also never expected to receive a thank you card before the wedding.
    • Reply
  • A.Magill.Since.May
    Master May 2018
    A.Magill.Since.May
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I feel it's best to send out the Thank You notes right away. There's no chance of forgetting to do it later, they know you received the gift, and it's not saving up more work for after the wedding.
    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials
    • Flag

    Many people still mail before the wedding. My coworker who is in her mid 50s refuses to show up with a gift in hand as she fears you won't get it.

    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    100% yes. I have had people praise my thank you notes since we got engaged. His mom was shocked to receive hers for the wine fridge she got us, she apparently didn't want us to open a gift she sent in April for our July wedding...

    • Reply
  • FME
    Master March 2018
    FME
    • Flag

    Maybe she didn't want to risk having it get stolen at the wedding where it can be chaotic with many hands mingling around... I wouldn't take it as being odd or off. We had several gifts mailed to us the week before the wedding. It's a courtesy.

    • Reply

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