Realizing you were in a TACKY etiquette Wedding!

Yep. Went through this exact same thing in may. FH was stuck at a table with all strangers and my friend thought it was ridiculous that it upset me.

Yes.. went through this with one of my closest friends, and when my mom got remarried...

It's funny, my mom self catered her second wedding. My sister and I cooked for two days. It was exhausting. My mom now says hell no will we self cater. She's like "we'll pay more damn money to not self cater! Fuck that!" Hahahah

Worst part for me... my FH got called into work while we were getting ready and had my wallet so I was thirsty ALL NIGHT haha

I went to a wedding last summer, just before we got engaged. Some things about it felt "off" to me (a huge fucking gap, self-catered food served by the brides aunts, auctioning off who got to eat first, a dollar dance) but I didn't know why I felt weird about it. Coming here was a huge validation to me that I wasn't crazy for feeling weird about it.

It's crazy how you can join WW and be like Damn, I knew something wasn't right!

I realize now after being on here, that I have quite a few tacky friends that have made some questionable etiquette decisions for their weddings.

I've realized this about my best friend's wedding i was in (I knew it was miserable at the time). They did open bar, then CHANGED IT TO CASH. Even the bridal party didn't know...

It's kind of tacky to talk about how tacky your friend's wedding was after the fact. This person felt you were special enough to stand with them. You admit yourself you didn't know some of these things were tacky until WW. Is it possible your friend didn't know either?

FutureMRs. Oh i was vocal during the wedding planning.. of Both... explained how awful it was to do certain things...

I was a "B" listed MOH... It was hurtful, and i voiced my feelings on it. The potluck reception was also not a good idea, i reiterated that to her.

My mom knew i couldn't cook for two days. She was incredibly difficult about everything. Now looking back, she wishes she had done things differently. My mom is adamant that we don't repeat those mistakes for my wedding.

I have an enormous list just from one wedding, and I didn't even attend! But yes, I definitely realized how much tackier it truly was when I got up to speed with modern day ettiqute. I thought it was bad to begin with... but it would've caused a rampage of wedding ettiqutte justice on here had the bride posted a BAM on here!

Well, I knew it was tacky at the time, but I was a bridesmaid and the bride asked me six weeks before the wedding (I couldn't get the same dress as the other woman in that time frame as I am plus sized and busty and would have needed significant alterations) , then day of she gifted us earrings and a necklace (the only other person in the BP was her aunt as MOH). After giving me the jewelry set, the bride realized she forgot her jewelry and asked to wear mine - the ones she had just given me. Then the reception had a cash bar, but the bride's father paid the bar tab - only for her side of the family. Did I mention this was my brother's wedding?

That being said, there are a lot of things that people here say are tacky, but are issues of tradition and/or culture/region. I mean, I think opening gifts in front of people is super tacky, but it seems to be acceptable at a bridal shower, etc.

I've seen a few, partial cash bars seem fairly common where I'm from (open until 8pm and then cash) or beer/wine are free and everything else is cash. That doesn't bother me as I'm used to it. However, I've been to one that was outside in June and hotter than hell. Also no seating for the ceremony or A/C in the reception area with.. you guessed it.. self catered food that had been sitting out.. I knew it was bad but I didn't think it was THAT bad. She was furious when 90% of her guests either chose not to eat or left immediately after the ceremony. Looking back, she was kinda asking for it. I was a BM and was itching to get out of there.

My moms second wedding, she did the beer and wine free and everything else cash, she also did a dollar dance (didn't think this was bad either... I've seen a lot of them, not sure if it's a Midwest thing) and she did the garter toss. That wasn't pleasant for my young eyes lol.

Every single wedding I have been to, except one, has had a cash bar and dollar dance. I have never thought anything of it and I still don't think anything of it. I'm not going to bash on a friend/family member because they chose to do their wedding a little differently than mine or because they aren't following WW etiquette.

It's not merely "different"....it's bad taste, rude and unfortunate. Whether you choose to grin and bear it or say something before the shit has a chance to hit that fan is up to you. But it's not choosing a different style; it's choosing to "host" a party you can't afford and hope no one notices.

But make no mistake; this is not WW etiquette. This is whole world etiquette. In no universe do you make your guests pay for drinks, cook for your wedding or endure a giant gap. And no amount of "oh, but that's how we do it" arguing makes it any better.

My group does weddings for all kinds of couples and families, from the very very rich to the couples where we were clearly the most expensive "thing" at the wedding. I have seen one cash bar in all these years, and it was a giant clusterfuck. I've also seen one, "wine and beer are free, anything else costs"", which was just as much of a mess.

I'm not an advocate for spending tons of dollars on a wedding, and I don't always think that a giant pile of checks at the end signals a successful celebration, but treating guests with a modicum of grace, hospitality and gratitude is always the way to go.

@Kelly-it's not WW etiquette, it's everywhere etiquette, just because your circle doesn't know any better doesn't mean you shouldn't not choose to change the status quo.

And what makes you think your circle is automatically correct? It's obviously not everywhere etiquette because we have seen a lot people post on these forums about cash bars, dollar dances, self catering...

I'm not saying it's right to treat your guests this way nor am I doing any of these I am just saying that everyone is different and they shouldn't be shamed for it.

FutureMrs it's not tacky to point out tackiness. No names are being shared and brides and grooms need to realize that when they forego etiquette (like a few on this forum have proudly and smugly claimed they will do), they end up a story in a thread like this.

Just because one is invited to a wedding doesn't mean they forfeit their right to complain about it. There's a wedding this month that I declined to attend because my wife wasn't invited because the bride's grandparents would be mortified about a same-sex couple at their granddaughters' wedding. So yeah, while she thought I was important enough to come to her wedding, I clearly wasn't important enough to be treated like a human being. So my response was that her grandparents can shove it and so can the bride, who is no longer my friend.

@Kelly-etiquette is treating your guests equally and well. It's making sure that there is food, beverages (alcohol), seats, and temperate conditions. It's making sure everyone is comfortable and having a good time. My friends are not gauche enough to ask people to subsidise their weddings. They provide enough food, beverages and seats for their guests, and I've never had to pull out my wallet at one of their weddings.

@Elizabeth I stand by my original comment. I don't have to agree with the "tacky etiquette" but I would point these things out with better alternatives to my FRIEND while it was happening rather than go to the internet and post a thread about it. There's always the option to decline participation in something you're not comfortable with.

If no one came to the internet to talk about tacky shit, there would be no internet....except for people looking up symptoms and weird moles and porn.