Rant- Jack and Jills

It's gross, money grabby and nothing at all like a shower. It's rude to invite people to fund your wedding, especially ones who are not invited.

Stop trying to justify it. It's BS.

Sell tickets to the wedding and call it quits. If you can't spend the money for a wedding, don't have one.

The deep rooted issue is the, "we deserve...." mentality. You deserve what you can afford. The end.

But thanks for being the one star white knight of the weekend.

Never been invited to one but had always thought it was just a bridal shower with dudes. however selling tickets and inviting people that aren't invited to your wedding? uh, no thanks.

I applaud you Katie c! And Celia milton.. You're a vendor spitting such a hateful poisonous opinion.. It's literally shocking to me.. Especially since you're supposed to be coming from a professional standpoint. To tell me not to have a wedding is gut wrenchingly rude. I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

I"m coming from a totally professional standpoint. It's one that doesn't condone fundraising for discretionary parties. That's what it is, remember? A party. One that you can't afford, so you've found a way to justify what amounts to an in person Go Fund Me with beer.

You an absolutely have a wedding. It's just that most people pay for it instead of asking their friends to fund it.

My being a vendor doesn't make me any more or less immune to bad taste. If one of my personal friends pulled this? I'd be just as appalled.

Thanks for the applause. Oh. It was for the white knight. sorry.

Tiffany and Katie, here's the thing: yes you are throwing a party for your wedding, YOU. Therefore, you are responsible for the costs involved, not asking others people to cover it.

A shower is not a necessity. We are having a small wedding so we are not having any pre-wedding parties including showers.

You both need to lurk a little on this site and find out what is considered rude, for instance asking your guests to pay for any part of your wedding = rude. If you understand that, you'll get on fine here. If you don't, good luck.

Tiffany, last I checked a wedding isnt something you throw in order to make yourself some cash. Its a celebration of a union between two people. There isnt a cover charge, and nobody has to bring a gift and frankly, there shouldnt even be mentions of gifts on the invite.

And in regards to a shower - no one HAS to have a shower, nor a registry - and you definitely dont throw YOURSELF a shower.

If you're doing any of these things, then you really need to rethink your priorities. Treating your wedding and pre-wedding festivities like a cash grab fundraiser is beyond rude and entitled.

Definitely not an MA thing. I'd never even heard of them until WW.

I prefer them. I think they are more fun to involve your FH and male friends. I'm the kind of girl who has more guy friends anyway so it works well for me that way. I don't think it's tasteless. I'm surprised at how many people never heard if them. This is how it used to be done. The guy chill together shoot the shit and the ladies do their thing. It's not about getting money. You're not inviting everyone you invite to the wedding just your closest of the the ones on your guest list.

As long as it's not a fundraiser, and it's a shower for both men and women I have no problem with a Jack and Jill shower. Once I have to start paying? Oh hell to the no. ETA: I am happy to buy something off the registry.

Exactly you're not paying for anything. You may bring the bride and groom a gift from their registry but that's all.

FutureMrsK -- if its not about getting money, then why on earth are there cover charges and entry fees for these parties? And from the description of most of these, people are inviting not just everyone invited to the wedding, but also people who arent even getting an invitation to the wedding itself.

What you're describing is more of a co-ed shower, which is totally fine and a very different beast vs. these cash grabby, cover charge 'jack and jill' fundraiser fiascos.

The term is used for two parties; the gross rude one and a simple coed shower, which is fine.

^^ no, that is not what we are talking about here. There are two different meanings and people are confusing them.

Sometimes they ARE just a bridal shower with male guests instead of just female guests. And it's only wedding guests invited. There is nothing wrong with that.

THIS post is about fundraising parties where an entrance fee is charged and everyone in the world is invited so the bride and groom make as much

$$$ as possible.

FutureMrsK-you are describing an actual Jack and Jill shower, what we are discussing usually require buying tickets that range from $10-$20, have cash bars, ask for corporate donations for prizes to raffle off, and hold 50/50 draws and other sort of money charging "games" to raise money for the couple's wedding. Usually invites go out to the community at large not just people who are invited to the wedding.

I think they only thing some of them can see are $$$ signs, Spazzy.

Jack & Jill or Stag & Doe's are quite popular where I am (Durham Region, Ontario) Even If I am not invited the wedding, I still go to have a good time, play some games, win prizes, hang out with family and friends. Support the couple. You don't have to spend hundreds of dollars. I guess everyone has their own opinions of them, I do not mind them at all.

Haven't heard of them around Boston but where I grew up (Central Mass) they were very common. But still not EVERYONE did it, it is common in certain social circles though. Actually I was never invited to one in my circle, and I did just assume it was a co-ed shower when I heard of others doing it. But now I realize they were actually doing the fundraiser thing.

Comparing it to a registry is just silly. First of all, we all agree it would be very rude to ONLY put expensive gifts on your registry. Like if it is only $400 pan sets and $500 mixers, yes I would agree that is rude. But that isn't what a registry should be. You need to put gifts from all different price points on it, so people can find a gift at whatever level they are comfortable paying. It is really about what your guests will take pleasure in giving you. Like some people want to give cash at a wedding. Some people prefer to pick a physical gift that the bride and groom will enjoy. The registry exists so people who want to give a physical gift can know what the couple needs and wants. It does not require anyone to buy a gift out of their price range. Unlike a Jack and Jill, where everyone has to pay a certain amount just to get in, and then play fundraising games throughout the night. Of course, if it's done in your social circle, then most people you invite will be happy to participate. I know many people from my hometown who enjoy this tradition. Just keep in mind if you have friends from outside your usual social circle, they are probably going to think it's rude to ask them to pay to come to a party and "fundraise" (usually a term used for charity) for your wedding.

Where's Kathryn at? She would love this post.

I feel like people on this thread are either arguing for or against it. I'll go as far to say that when done correctly they can be fine. But since I posted yesterday, a Facebook friend just sent an open invitation to everyone she knows asking them to come for $30....