Rant - IT IS NOT YOUR DAY

@FutureMrsMaidenName-- That's the face I make when anyone says "We are paying for the wedding ourselves."

@beutivant - I HATE it when people say that! Most people here are! We just made a budget before we made decisions! FH and I have been making guest list cuts for two weeks so that we can have a wedding that we can afford without treating our guests poorly.

Applause! All the applause! Can you post this every day? If I hear one more person say, "Whateva, I do what I want! It's MY day!" it might make me quit the internet altogether.

It is the worst when people ask for advice and then when they get GOOD advice say "well you are being rude and it is my day so I'll do what I want!" Like, why even ask for advice then?!?

Preach

Yes to all of this.

Couldn't agree more. We had SUCH a blast at our wedding and I think it's because our focus was on creating a great time at our wedding for our guests! They were happy so they were fun and relaxed and thrilled to celebrate with us.

@Beaut - hahahahaha that is one of the best lines too!!!

I do enjoy the 'but you just don't understand my exact situation" then proceed to details things we're all doing like paying for our own weddings. Uh huh, tell me more reasons why you aren't a bridezilla, you're just a special snowflake and things happen only to you?

@Botty, good point! How is it fun to sit in a room full of poorly fed people who are dutifully pretending to enjoy their mocktails, while your best friends are absent because you kicked them out of your WP for daring to have their own lives? We absorb people's energies, and I'll have fun if the guests are having fun.

Also, pictures look great when your BP is fake smiling because they are wearing an uncomfortable $300 dress that they had no say in and couldn't afford!

I agree with all of that, but I see your initial statement differently. My daughters birthday was HER day, so would we say that the presents were "her part"? No, the whole day was about coming together to honor and celebrate with her. A wedding is no different in that respect. Barring any allergies, I served what she wanted. The part where I thanked them for coming comes with favors and a thank you card. But that's it. Still her day, all day. That doesn't give her an excuse to be rude though. And everything you mentioned above IS rude! To me, a wedding is not much different. It's your day... no one would even be there if it weren't for you and your groom coming together in matrimony. So you two become the guests of honor. The guests are there because they love you and are important to you. Because you wanted them there to witness this special time in your life, and because they didn't want to miss being there to witness it. The reception is a celebration of that union- not just a party. As the reason everyone has chosen to get together on this special day, that makes you and your spouse the guests of honor. As such everything chosen is tailored around your preferences- the decor, the food, what music will be played, etc... So, I am of the mentality "to each their own". We live in a society where people are free to love who they chose. Where we can chose to continue carrying a life or not. Given all that, I think we can allow people to chose for themselves cash bar or not, self catering or not, etc... People don't always agree with the other choices above either, they don't have to. At the end of the day it doesn't affect you. It affects those lives immediately surrounding them. I'm just saying if we live in a world preaching tolerance and love, that should be practiced everywhere. Respect people's rights to chose for themselves without bashing their choices. Maybe it's not what you would do or society. But a lot of things in our world have been that way before. And maybe, there guests will talk about them... so what? It's not a personal affront to you. You can list- nicely the reasons you wouldn't do that, or have chosen differently, or maybe gently point out others in their guest list may not enjoy that choice. But there is no reason for snark, or memes to make fun of someone. I agree with everything you said... but that's where I draw the line. In the boards delivery of allowing everyone to make the same choices you were allowed without someone tearing you or that choice up. At the end of the day it IS their wedding, and their choices will not affect you. So to each their own. And maybe we can practice a little more love and tolerance here....

I seriously cringe every time I see the phrase "your special day" even outside WW.

Special, a birthday and a wedding are totally different occasions. I tolerate a lot but having people coming here for validation rather than for actual advice becomes intolerable at a certain point. Why ask a public forum for advice when you've already made up your mind?

@Special - Just because you can do something does not mean that you should do it. Birthdays are completely different than weddings because you don't invite 100+ people for a birthday party...also, birthday parties are usually for kids and weddings involve adults. I am possibly the world's pickiest eater. I pretty much live off of chicken fingers and french fries (only certain brands). I don't drink water or tea and neither does FH. I don't drink diet drinks either. How awful would a wedding be if all we had was chicken fingers and fries and coke because that's my preference? You do have the right to choose and when you make the choice to include other people you have to incorporate things for them. Our menu has chicken fingers but it also has other things too because most adults don't eat like a child and I can respect that. Because we aren't 4 anymore and this isn't our birthday. When I was 4 at my party I didn't want to let anyone else hit the pinata. My mom told me I had guests and I had to think of them and share. Same goes for a wedding, you have to think of your guests and share an experience with them that they will also enjoy. When you choose to have a wedding you choose to have to do the things that others like (in some areas...ie alcohol, food, reception).

Your points of right to choose were a little out there for a wedding topic, but along those lines...people can choose if they want to kill someone too...doesn't mean they should, doesn't mean that it is right, doesn't mean that people won't hate them forever or they won't go to jail.

We are adults...gotta learn to take the heat or don't post questions on a forum...

ETA: this was in response to special

@Special- the reception is to thank your guests for coming, and to celebrate. The bride and groom are NOT the guests of honor, the GUESTS are, so you host them properly.

@snowflake - also...I really don't think you agree with me even though you say you do. Because when I said you can't skimp on etiquette I was meaning cash bars, honeyfunds, dollar dances, self-catering, and all that stuff. You just can't do it...it's rude.

A wedding is extremely different from a child's birthday party.

I mean, they might both be TMNT-themed, but other than that.

This rant or one similar gets posted like once a day lol

For Meg- a meme TY!

For @Snowflake No. birthday and children's parties carry a different set of pretty much everything-etiquette, expectations, feel....all of it. Those events are for the person being celebrated. Weddings are so much more than that the ceremony is for "us" (the couple being wed) and the party is for everyone else.