Pushy Mother of Groom

Unbelievable. Here's how it works: if they pay, they get a say. It's pretty simple and logical, really. It won't kill you to involve this woman who clearly has an inexplicable soft spot for you. You didn't just get free rent, you got free utilities, Internet, cable and whatever else you had no problem accepting because adulting is too hard. Grow up, dear, because the real world doesn't have time for this crap. Ask your FSIL-I'm sure she involved her MIL to some extent. It's not hard to be a decent human being instead of a spoiled, entitled, silly little prat.

Wow, I was thinking some harsher words than "brat". Just saying. I think you need to re-evaluate your values in general.

I missed the stag and doe part.....all wrapped up together, it's mortifying.

Typical troll not answering questions. grrrrrr

Contributing some money is still rent free. Do you pay for food? Do you even work? As Celia said that's a lot of money that should be saved up if you haven't had to pay rent. How old are you? Are you going to school? Anything? Because if you're jobless and not actively searching for the last 5 years you are most definitely an ungrateful brat. I've been going to school full time for 3 years and still paid my rent disputed disability. So while you're sitting on your entitled ass and calling your fmil overbearing, just remember there are those away from their own family sick everyday until forever while still paying their rent. I'd love to have a sane fmil, but no. I'm lucky to have fgmil that is willing to be so helpful as I don't live near my own family. I want to be so much nastier, but I hope this at least helps you understand how blessed and fortunate you are

I am SO tired of the "it's not tacky since everyone in our area does one" argument for Stag & Does. YES it is. It is incredibly tacky to fund raise for your wedding. Your wedding is not a charity. Have the wedding you can afford. Just because "everyone" (not even true) in your area does one, does not mean it isn't gross. And it isn't like a money dance - there is no cultural or historical significance to these parties. It's just greed and entitlement and a belief by the couple that they "deserve" a wedding they can't afford.

I"m with Emily. You throw the wedding and host what you can afford, don't throw a fundraiser and ask your guests to pay for it. Stag and doe, boot, money dance, wishing well, honey fund....all the same thing.

I had never heard of "Stag & Doe" until this thread. I couldn't even imagine inviting people to such an event.

Learn something new on WW every day.

Cultural = the way a group does something/social behaviors of a group. So I would in fact say that yes, a Stag and Doe IS cultural, it just was not generated by a specific heritage (that I'm aware of).

However, I agree that you can have pockets of ignorant/rude people and this would not make up of a culture.

Unrelated, but now I'm thinking about whether trick-or-treating is rude. LOL.

Besides the rent free thing, I just don't see how OP's FMIL is being pushy at all. She could be holding all that rent free living over your head and telling you how to run the entire wedding!

Yeah.. I'm not getting into the whole fight about buck n does. You have you're opinion and I have mine. I just figured I'd give more clarity into what it was. I've already realized that half the stuff that is normal for me for a wedding is considered tacky and rude to a lot of people on here and I've accepted that. I find a lot of things that are normal to other people tacky and rude as well, but it's normal to them so go for it.

Yes you should include her ... You can make her feel included while doing special things with your mom as well... She is giving you a lot of money and should be appreciated as such.

While I don't normally get involved in all the tacky talk and wouldn't do one myself, I can see the use in where the Stag and Doe came from... if we're talking when it was typical for couples to marry very young, their family and friends might want to help them get a good start in life as they're establishing themselves on what was likely just a young husband's income. Now you've typically got 2 earners and people marry later. It has it's place and I'm sure it's just stuck some places, not as a gift grab, but as a tradition.

Regardless of that... OP... oy. If my FMIL was nearby I would invite her to everything along with my mother. I feel bad I can't include her in more.

I legitimately LOVE going to stag and does, they are a blast! I even go for friends of friends. It's a relatively inexpensive, super fun night out with friends...

Wow $10K and a Stag and Doe? How have you and your FH not saved anything during this time? Were you two completing your studies?

OMG.... IF ya'll can't move out ON YOU OWN without living with MOMMY, ya'll are NOT ready to GET MARRIED!!!

Sorry for the all caps rage.... that is me banging my head into my keyboard -.-

^^word, yo