Price per head

I hear you, Kelly. And yes, weddings sure can become expensive...faster than most people realize.

Ok, I guess I am really behind the times (not surprising since my first wedding was 35 years ag). I never really thought about guests giving a gift equal to the cost of inviting them. First of all, how would they know how much you have spent on the items listed above to know how large their gift should be?

Our registry gifts run the gammut of prices so everyone, regardless of their financial situation, can get a gift if they wish though everyone knows that simply coming to the wedding is all the gift we want- a chance for us to have old friends and all of our family together.

I think it's also pretty important to note that price per person can varying greatly depending on where in the country you live. I was pretty happy with my $125 per person price, because I was getting married in the Hudson Valley. For me, that's a pretty good price for the time of year and location. And then I see people on here from the midwest or south who are paying like $30 per person!! It's not too hard to cover your own meal when it's only $30. $125 can be a bit much for some people.

Make sure you include tax and gratuity

I've never been apart of a "group" or in a culture/area of the country that operated this way, so I've never really considered it.

I usually give a gift based on 2 things-my financial situation and how close I am to the couple.

If I were to figure a per plate cost, I'd probably consider food, alcohol, and cake.

I think it is a regional thing - NiseyyD and I are in the same region, and I hear of this tactic all the time.

For our price per head, our venue is set up similarly a la carte. I'd consider the cost of the venue, plus cost of rentals, plus meal and booze, plus any perks we're giving to individual guests (like someone mentioned stationary - we're having a welcome bag, since it's an out of the way city).

And for those who misunderstood or haven't heard of it before... it's obviously just an unstated assumption. If you CAN guess and you CAN give the "cost of your plate," that is the goal for some people. If you have no clue what the cost is, or you cannot afford to pay so much, you do what you want. I don't think NiseyyD is going to put a figure on her registry for "cost of attendance." Sheesh.

Thanks Puffins, I was simply just asking out of curiosity, as I mentioned a few times. Interesting to see/hear how other people interpret the same thing

I apply this rule to myself as a guest, as it's a good way for me to gauge what to get for wedding couples I don't know well (because I go over and above for close friends and family), but I don't expect anything in particular of our guests.

As a guest, I usually "pay for my dinner/drinks" but not because its a rule or anything I just figure that's a good amount to give. I don't include rentals or chair linens or any of that as how would I know until I got there how much money they put into decor? And I usually find out the price per person by checking out the website of the venue, generally we give $200-$300 as a couple.

That being said, we also give based on the finances of the couple. If the couple have less money or already have children we tend to give more but if they have a decent income they get less. For example I'm going to a wedding this weekend that I know will be super-swanky and the couple are older and in very well-paying professions. We will probably just be giving them $200 and then a gift cards to his children.

As for what I would include in my price per head, it would be food, alcohol, and venue rental.

We have a venue where nothing is included as well and so I've been trying to calculate as I go what my per plate cost is simply to compare how I'm doing vs a typical all inclusive price / head type venue. We rented a ski house for 3 days so I've decided to only include the price of one day plus the extra fees for having a party on site as the venue price and then I'm including the price of the food, cake, beverages, chairs, tables, dishware, linens, centerpieces, favors, invitations, guest shuttle and dj (dj is up for debate but ultimately without guests we most likely wouldn't have a dj). I'm not including any clothing, rehearsal dinner, rings, officiant, photographer or little personal things like our toasting glasses since we'd have those even if we eloped.

Right now we are coming out to just under $115/ guest for the costs I mentioned above. Including all taxes and fees and gratuities. I'm not sure my circle does the per plate rule, I generally give what I can afford.

If someone asked me the price per person, I don't really like to say haha. but I would say $115 avg depending on the meal. I would say it in this way because it includes the reception package only. I already know it will be that much for the - food, cake, linens & booze. I am not counting the photo, video, dj, decor, transporation, makeup, church fees, etc. I don't even know the costs of all of those things yet.

For how much I give, it honestly depends on how well I am doing financially at the time. Unfortunately, I can't give as much as I would like to for every wedding. I try to help out in other ways if possible.

Good topic Glenn/Nisey D!

Frank & I were just trying to figure out if we stayed w/in budget & exactly how much per person we spent for a DW weekend in which everything was a la carte. I am only including things guests consumed in some way. It came out to $98 pp. Our venue was also a la carte, and I am not including attire, rings, HM, & other things. I am including:

Welcome Dinner; Welcome Bags

Caterer; Rentals; Alcohol & bartender;Cake; Pastry Table/Grooms Cake; Candy Buffet/Favors; Linens; Flowers/Decor; Invitations/Programs; DJ

With regard to gift giving, in our culture, we cover the cost of what we estimate it costs to have us as a guest. If it is someone that is close to us, we give more. We also always give cash or check. Items from the registry are only given for an engagement party or shower. If we can't attend the wedding, we send half of what we would usually give. Again, this is our culture, it's not right or wrong, it's us.

@Linda R.: I'm in the same boat with you, as my first wedding was in 1977. We deliberately had items on our registry ranging from under $5 to about $300. And several of our guests gave gifts of services (e.g., doing the video of our ceremony, being the musician for our reception).

I also have serious reservations about the whole concept of covering one's plate. It means that those people who can afford to have lavish weddings would get bigger presents than those who could only afford to have budget weddings. If anything, I'd want to go the other direction--giving the most to those most in need. Also, we determined the budget for our own wedding, but we don't have any choice about the budget for anyone else's wedding. If they have a very expensive wedding and we couldn't afford to cover our plate, should we decline to go? To me, refusing to celebrate with people would be worse than going and giving an inexpensive gift.

To be honest I never thought of it.

We just did a price per head regarding food and drink.

As for gifts when we go to a wedding it really depends on who it is (how close we are) and what is appropriate. (We always give cash)

@Carol - my culture is the same as yours in terms of "We also always give cash or check. Items from the registry are only given for an engagement party or shower."

In my family we gift money in the amount of cost per person. This includes, meal, drinks, linens, venue,cake etc. My gifts in the past have been $75-$100 pp. Its just tradition

@ Carol - my family/friends and area is the same way...cash or check for the wedding and registry gifts for the shower. It's interesting how everyone does it differently!