Plus One Problems

What I did was I gave a plus one on the invitation to any one who I was aware of them being in a relationship at the time I did the invitations. If things changed between when I sent out the invites, and the wedding date, I adjusted accordingly.

Don't these single people leave the house alone? Can they not function without a date? I look at my wedding pictures and I can't identify half the people there. Is someone's anxiety about going to a party alone outweighs their desire to be there, then let them stay home; how many people literally know no one there? Why can't they introduce themselves to other people there? I've met some of the most interesting, fun people at weddings (where I am always alone.....)

All I can say is that at 150+per head for dinner, drinks, centerpieces, and favors, I'd want to control the guest list a bit more carefully than, "Ralph and whoever he decided to ask".

Celia, I hear you and I have most certainly gone to social functions alone myself. But not everyone is like us and I didn't want to force people to be....at all places..... at my wedding. Their presence mattered more to me than what they should do in a social situation as independent, normal adults.

Future Mrs 27 have you sent out invitations or do you have a hard number for your venue? Personally I think you will get more hurt feelings if you pick and choose who gets a plus one if they are late couples, what if other friends started dating someone around then too and you didn't invite their BF?

In Emmy and Sarahdell's words I am pulling a "dick move". Huge families so limited invites for friends. Inviting groups of friends and if their SO is also a friend they get an invite. Otherwise they are not getting plus one. All our friends we talk/visit/see on a regular basis and either understand that the new guy they're dating isn't getting an invite or aren't seeing anyone. Also if we get declines we are giving them to people that are seeing someone (venue has a cap).

No mystery SO's because if someone had one I didn't even know about obviously not that close are we?

Also been to multiple weddings with out my FH after years of dating. Had a blast because I was happy to be a part of their day. If you can't be happy for your friend and be away from your SO for a night, is that someone who honestly wants to be their for you? For all those who thinks not inviting the new bf is shitting on their relationship... really?

Janeen, I understand if they are their and literally don't know anyone, then yes give them a date, but if they know more than 4 people there is that really going alone?

Saying you don't want a new guy they are dating ti come because they may break up is pretty stupid considering family members divorce all the time and uncle bob disappears. And the fear of random getting hammered makes it sound like nobody has those embarrassing family members that will be just as bad if not worse.

I agree with Sarahdell! 100%!

@Athena - H and I both have huge families. We still gave plus ones to everyone.

I chose a venue that would accommodate the amount of people I intended to have and budgeted accordingly.

Also - if I read right, you went to weddings without your FH even after YEARS of being together? I think that is downright wrong.

And another thing, H and I had only been dating for 3 months AND WERE LONG DISTANCE when my sister got married. By your standards, he shouldn't have been invited? I knew he was the one by that point. I would have been very unhappy if I was told he couldn't go.

I'm on the no random plus ones side of the debate.

Obviously all guests who are in a relationship should bring their SO, but technically that is a date, not a plus one. My single friends who know 10+ other people do not need to bring a random person in order to have a good time, and I'd rather know everyone at my wedding (plus the $&dollar.

I have been to many social events by myself when FH couldn't come or wasn't invited (e.g. work events without SOs). As long as your guest will know other people there, I think they will manage to have a wonderful time. Honestly, bringing a random person who knows no one else is sometimes even harder, since then you (the guest) feel like you have to host them the entire time.

As for BP getting +1s, call the etiquette police, but we are applying the same rules to them as the rest of our guests. BP gets dates, not +1s. And they are all 100% ok with this.

But it really is shitting on their relationship, I don't know how you can see it otherwise...If for some reason you don't know or haven't met the SO for whatever reason, I don't know perhaps you've been busy planning a wedding, working full time and you know, life stuff, doesn't mean they aren't important to your guest.

ETA: also, for those of you that are worried you will get a ton of "randoms" you most likely won't notice, the handful of people that your guests brought as a date. I know I didn't, you know, I was busy doing the whole getting married, table visiting then dancing my ass of. Besides, do you know every one of your FHs family? There were some of mine that I haven't met, so by that measure, should they not have been invited ?

Athena, I don't think it's AS bad, but I still gave everyone the plus one option. It was just easier for me to do that than to scrutinize each guest's relationship status and make a subjective decision. I understand budgetary limitations and whatever. I get it. I do. I had the budget to do it and it wasn't a high priority on my list to devote myself to figuring out.

I haven't read all of the comments yet but, here's my two cents. We tried to limit the number of random guests. We planned that a majority of our guests would bring a date. The only requirement I had, which actually helped lower the number of non-relationship dates was, we told all of our guests that when they reserved with a plus one, they needed to give us their dates name. I know that helped a couple of people make their choices and we could foresee anyone bringing a random person we didn't know.

@emmy--with you 100%. There were at least a few people that I knew who brought dates I had never met before. I still don't remember the dates' names and I was too busy spending time with the people I did know to notice "randoms". Also....I hadn't met my husband's grandfather until the day of the wedding plus a bunch of his relatives either. I didn't care lol.

I didn't read the rest of the comments bc I am lazy.

BUT, I have real life experience with this. I was invited to a wedding WITHOUT my then live in boyfriend now soon to be husband. Anyone who wasn't engaged or married or both friends was invited alone. And yes, it was a little wierd, not gonna lie, but I knew a TON of guests and I went anyway. Bc ultimately I love my friend and I respected her choice.

That being said, it was wierd enough to have someone else determine the "significance" of my relationship, that I am not doing that. But I also wanted to avoid having random ass people and girlfriends of my girl friends being invited, which was already being talked about by guests, so we are going with "are you seeing anyone" and if the answer is yes, then a plus one and if not, then none.

@JK8115 - I am going with the same method. But if they are seeing someone, then technically they are bringing a guest, not a plus 1.

If they are single but family is invited (ie. aunts, uncles, cousins) no plus one.

If they are single AND local AND a part of our group of friends, no plus one.

Everyone who has to travel gets a plus one.

@Sarahdell- That is great that you were able to, we did things alittle backwards and found a place before the final list. Sue me.

Also - I relocated away from all my friends and family, I make the effort to stay in touch with the friends I want to and they are invited to the wedding. I would never think of not having my sister's who are my MOH's not have a plus one. A sister's wedding and a friends is different.

And finally, what my friend did wasn't wrong. We stayed in touch after she graduated with our group of girlfriends, and she invited the group of girlfriends. It was a great girls night, no one had to worry about bringing an date if they didn't have an SO like some of us. I am sorry but I wasn't offended that my FH, who she met once was not invited, and neither was he.

To make a bride or future bride feel like she is doing/done something horrible because it isn't what you think is "socially acceptable" is sad. You have your way of doing things, which is fine, but weddings are very personal moments that all of us put a lot of time and effort into and to make anyone feel like they are doing something wrong or horrible brides because they can't or won't do it your way is asinine.

Once again thank you for all of your advice/opinions. I did not realize that this was posted yesterday and that it is such a hot topic. Our invites will be sent out within the next few weeks. The envelopes are already addressed/printed. All of our friends who are in a relationship will be invited with their significant others. If we invite all of our single friends with a random plus one that will easily add 30 people to our guest list and at $100-$200 per plate that's a lot of money for strangers. Everyone invited will have friends or family there so they will definitely not be alone. They are also not traveling they are local. I see what everyone is saying and I appreciate the advice. Thank you.

Story time; a friend of mine had a wedding and didn't allow any of her friends a plus one. She didn't want to pay for people she didn't know, and she wanted to invite more friends. Come the wedding, there were 3-4 empty seats at every table because people simple didn't want to come alone. Mind you most of us were from out of state..

All of my guests get a plus one unless they don't want one. That's just how you have to do it.. At least I think so.

Janeen, and that is great! I honestly think it is a different strokes for different folks thing. Our friend groups are tight and most will probably all come together so to initially give everyone a date to avoid it being awkward is a none issue for us.

Kristy, everyone but my is local and my out of state friends all have SOs we are already friends with. Again a lot of us are the "fly solo" type from an early age so guess it depends on the people. Again I don't think there is a right or wrong way here.

Future Mrs. 27, yah this is near and dear to me, if they are already printed just wait until you get declines and if you have friends in relationships extend those extra seats to them and when they ask initially explain to your friends that at the moment you cannot but you will see what you can do.