Plus One Problems

It's up to you but I gave plus ones to anybody that has been in a long relationship or to any single friends that are around my age.

Every single person- cousins (out of college), friends etc. has a plus one currently. If they can't name a name by the time I send invites out, there will be no plus one. This is more for FH's friends (2 GMs) since they will know a ton of people there and I don't want random girls causing drama (some of FH's friends don't have the best choice in women). My FH has already had behavior talks with one of them for our wedding too(from his behavior at a previous wedding). So they are rowdy 32+ yr old men.

Athena--

You have 8 months. I would rethink this when it's time to start sending out invitations. People's situations may change.

Hmm, I guess I never knew that if you bring someone you are dating it's not a "plus one"; the person you are dating is an invited guest. That actually is how I would want it to be anyway.

As far as judging relationships, we had two long term couples break up not long after our wedding. One was engaged and the other going on five years and living together.

I think it also depends on the size of your wedding. I definitely would have noticed random dates. Like Janeen's wedding was more than twice the size of mine, and Emmy, I can't remember how big yours was. It's not a huge deal not to know everyone, but I'm just saying I wouldn't completely disregard "not noticing" especially if you are having a smaller wedding.

Janeen, I am sending them out in July, asking for them by August do you think that is too early? I would rather call and check in with people closer to make sure if need be or get some late changes than trying to get them all back really close to the wire. With my job I could go from having all the time in the world to pretty much just a work sleep schedule and I am afraid if I do it too close, especially with me being away from everyone I will be shooting myself in the foot. Sorry I mooched off the post...

Athena--that's way too early. You send your invitations about 8 weeks ahead of time. So you would be looking at late september....maybe slightly earlier because of the proximity to thanksgiving.

I think this is a tough one. Because people obviously have vastly different views on what the standard should be, you're going to get some people who understand that only the people whose names are on the invitation are the ones invited. Then you have others that assume a plus 1 is a given.

Here's my personal thought: We have 198 on the guest list without plus 1's. Luckily MOST of our guest list is comprised of families or couples. The few who don't get a 1 may be offered the courtesy if we get enough declines. My thinking is that I decide how many people I'm paying for. If you're single at the time invitations go out, no plus 1. If I don't know you, I'm not ready to invited you to one of the biggest days of my life.

Side note: All OOT guests get a 1 if they're single. I also would give a plus 1 to someone that I wanted to invite if they don't know other people there.

Edited because my plus signs weren't showing up.

Kristy, if your friends' friends RSVP'd "yes" and then didn't show up because they couldn't bring a date (which they would have know ahead of time) then it makes them the rude ones....

I guess because we're in our 30's, we don't have a bunch of single friends. Those who are single got a plus one - I've already talked to all of them and said if you want to bring someone, let me know by the RSVP date, or on the RSVP.

So personal story - when FH and I were first dating, his brother was getting married. When the wedding came around, we would be dating 5 months. I don't know about the rest of you, but within a month, we knew we would be married eventually. If his brother and wife hadn't been kind enough to invite me, I would have never met his family early on. But by many standards listed above, I shouldn't have been invited. Even though he was the BM, when the invites went out, we were only together about three months, and no one had met me (we live across the country from them). So it would have been weird to have them pass judgement on our relationship. And while I wouldn't have been offended, as I didn't know them and didn't expect an invite, I really appreciated it. Since they were having a small wedding (about 65 people), it ended up being a wonderful experience for me and his family. I was able to get to know them, I made myself useful whenever I could (it was a destination-type wedding), and I stayed out of the way during all the pictures. You never know how someone's relationship will pan out. Even though I was a "random", I'm now planning our wedding, and extending the same courtesy to my single friends as my FSIL did for me - I trust their judgement. And if, god forbid, someone does bring a random guest to our small wedding, it'll be a great story later on.

I didn't read all of the comments (sorry!, coming into this late) but just thought I'd share a related experience: My cousin got married about a year and a half ago, and I did not receive a plus-one to the wedding. Made sense to me - I'd only been dating FH for about a month, maybe a month and a half when the invitation came out, and only 3 months by the time of the wedding. However, I knew the moment I met him we were going to get married, so I politely asked my cousin if I could bring him since I wanted him to meet my extended family. (We're all spread out throughout the country and so it's rare to get so many of us together at once!) He graciously said I could bring him and that was it! No drama necessary!

If someone cares enough to ask for the plus one, and has a good reason (i.e. WE WILL GET MARRIED SOMEDAY) then they should get a plus one even if it wasn't on the invitation. Otherwise, if they're single or in the "We're seeing where it's going" phase of a relationship, they don't need to bring a date to the wedding.

I'm in the "if they're in a relationship, they get to bring the SO" camp. Basically, if someone considers a particular person his/her boyfriend/girlfriend or anything more serious than that, both members of the couple are invited because I do think it's rude to invite someone to an event celebrating your relationship while ignoring theirs. We will offer plus ones to the single members of our wedding party (though I doubt they'll take us up on it), but other than that, we're not doing plus ones for truly single people. But with the exception of the wedding party, all the single guests are part of a group and will know other people there, either family or friends. If someone truly doesn't know anybody except the bride and groom, I think it's a nice gesture to offer a plus one--maybe not required by etiquette, but nice if it's feasible for you.

Sorry, dick move. I wouldn't go alone unless it was my brother or a best best friend.

We added a plus one for every person. Not everyone is going to bring someone. Not every couple is going to bring their kids. There's always going to be wiggle room.

We are inviting anyone who has a bf/gf. I don't think its right to make a cut-off on the amount of time they've been dating, I mean hell some people get engaged after just a few months of dating! However, they have to be "official" and can't just be hook-up buddies or something lol.

@LadyMonk we have the exact same rule/logic. And only got one or two questions about it, but once we clearly stated our policy, the people understood.

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