Plus One Problems

I think it is super rude to expect people to attend your wedding alone. Would you go to a wedding that didn't give you the option to travel with someone else? I wouldn't! Even if I am not in a relationship, I wouldn't go to a wedding alone. If you throw a fit because someone asked for a plus one, you should either up your wedding budget or cut down in expenses.

Also, even if you don't want strangers at your wedding, it'll happen anyway. We've been married for 6 months and 3 of the couples have broken up, and at least 2 of the SO's we'll probably never see again.

Your budget, your call. And again, it's not all about $$; it's about you controlling your wedding day.

I would definitely go to a wedding alone. I've done it and would do it again. I'm an independent person.

Same here LadyMonk. I've been single more than I've been in a relationship, lol! All my single guests know plenty of people that will be there anyway. If I didn't know anyone it would be another story.

@Celia, I love how you are always the voice of reason on this topic. I'm going to have to repeat your words to myself when it comes time for me to deal with guest list drama in the future (knowing our families, there will be a lot of it!)

Ya know I dunno. Its a fine line I guess. I feel like everyone should get a plus one. Its only fair. Not everyone on your invitations will come so it will balance itself out.

We only gave plus ones to people in a relationship. I didn't want to give a plus 1 to anyone single b/c I didn't want a flavor of the month at my wedding. I do find it rude not to give a plus 1 to someone in a relationship. DH cousin did that to us for her wedding. At the time we were together for 2 1/2 years and living together and she said I wasn't allowed to come so DH declined the invite. She later invites me after she got all of her rsvps back and had "space" for me. We did not go. I'm sorry but i'm not going to be a last minute pity invite.

When I was single, I always went to weddings alone or with a group of friends. What better way to meet someone? We did give a few single people a plus one. One of H's family friends was an older divorced dude and only knew a bunch of other couples that would be there. We didn't want him to feel awkward or like a third wheel. Another friend of mine was traveling and I wouldn't expect her to travel alone. It's all about knowing your guests.

Yeah. I guess I'll explain a little bit more (basically building on what Celia said) about why we chose not to give plus ones to everyone. (Rehash: We chose to invite the people we knew ie if they were dating someone and we'd met them at least a couple times and all of the people who were married, engaged, or living together). There's always difficulty when you set a rule with how long they've been dating because time is not a good indication on the seriousness of the relationship. I don't have any issues doing this, I'm just stating a fact.

So in our case we invited the people we actually knew and liked. It turns out that all of the people who had been "dating a while" we'd already met and were friends with the SO, anyway. And like I said, people will break up, so there will always be people who come to your wedding who you'll never see again. And for those who were invited single if they decided not to come because of it, that's their choice. We weren't going to throw a tantrum if they weren't able to come. And that was our story.

You choose you, but be consistent and do it in a respectful way.

We gave plus ones to anyone who either didn't really know anyone else or is in a relationship whether we knew the SO or not. Not giving them automatically to family (FH's single aunts, cousins, etc), and friends that are part of a large group. We did put a caveat on our website that says:

Due to the intimate nature of the venue, additional guests are limited. Please contact us if you would like to bring a guest to share our special day.

That way, if someone ends up in a relationship, they can let us know, but people likely won't bring a totally random person. I cannot justify $200 to someone you aren't even dating if your whole family is coming to the wedding.

I've been to multiple weddings and formal events without a date when I was single. I always had a great time with my group of friends and can't imagine that having a random date would have made it better. I don't think you need to give plus ones to single friends that won't be traveling - but I do agree that anyone in any type of relationship should get one. Also the bridal party as a thank you!

I gave everyone a plus one.

-A family friend who has been in my life since day 1 who has no problem going places by himself? He got a plus one.

-A friend of H's that has a shaky history with females? He got a plus one.

-A friend of my dad's who's been around forever? He got a plus one.

-My cousin who was an usher that is not in a relationship? He got a plus one.

It is rude to ask someone to attend a social event by themselves. Only two of the above people actually brought a plus one. The friend of H's brought his short-term g/f and my dad's buddy brought his dad, who I've also known a long time.

I second everything @Emmy has said on this subject... She said it much more eloquently than I ever could. Don't spit on someone's relationship while you're expecting them to come and support yours.

Wait, I said something eloquently? No fuckin way. But it really boils down to not being a dick.

When I was single I went to plenty of weddings alone. Why do you have to have a date? I also would go out to eat alone, and to the movies. I don't understand the desperation of having a date geez.

It doesn't have to be a "date", and I think plenty of people will come alone. I would just prefer to give my guests a plus one in case they didn't want to come alone. I also trust most of my guests and don't really have anyone that would bring someone that would make that big of difference in the day. That is my personal opinion.

Also, a thought on the bridal party and plus ones.

I have read it here that the BP gets plus ones no matter what. Why should they be the exception? That's in the same realm as having special drinks for the bridal party only.

Just an anecdote for proving my point. My sister and BIL got married July 2013. They had 7 BMs, 7GM and 4 Ushers. By their first anniversary (when we all sat down and watched their wedding video) 5 of the attendants who had been in serious relationships were no longer with that person, another one who was engaged has since broken off his engagement and one WHO WAS MARRIED is now divorced. That is 7 SOs that are in pictures from my sister’s wedding that are no longer around.

Who is anyone to determine the seriousness and projected longevity of a relationship?

Maybe I have a fundamentally different viewpoint of what weddings are, since I do think they're about families all coming together and blah blah that came up in the kid threads, but I don't understand why people believe that during a wedding, ALL attention MUST be on the B&G.

I invited people I cared about and wanted to show them a nice party. It doesn't matter if they're seeing someone or if they wanted to just bring a friend to keep them company. I wanted my guests to have a good time, whether that mean that they want to drink a lot (it's not up to me to judge if they're alcoholics which always, inevitably, comes up in an open bar discussion), whether they want someone of their choosing to talk to during all the boring parts (plus ones), or what the hell ever.

I just don't understand about how this always becomes "well it's your day and who cares if you offend people/make them travel and spend money/and they need to fawn ALL OVER YOU".

Did we not just have this thread yesterday??

I gave everyone plus ones that way no one felt left out or felt like they had to come to our wedding alone.

@Emmy - Yes, not being a dick is usually a good rule of thumb when hosting others.