Pay your own meal

View Quoted Comment I have 43 cousins alone. And yes we are having an open bar

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That pretty much sums up what I was thinking also.

View Quoted Comment Also have 7 sides to invite. And 15 siblings alone

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I'd show up and say "oops I forgot my wallet...didn't think I'd need it at a wedding." I'd be super salty.

You don’t have to invite all of your family. If your family is that big chances are you haven’t seen some of them in years. Cut your guest list down to the people you want there and explain that to your parents. If they insist all of your family needs to be there then don’t invite your friends. They should never be asked to pay for your weddi so they can attent. That’s literally the worst. Only invite the number of guests you can afford. The fact that you are prioritizing an open bar to paying for you friends is pretty bad

IMO, this is worse than having a cash bar. You simply don't ask your guests to open their wallets at your wedding. Either find a way to cover the $30/plate cost yourself or cut back on the guest list. If I received an invite asking me to pay for my own meal, I wouldn't attend.

If your family is that ridiculously huge then just have a family only wedding. You clearly can’t afford to host your friends, and if you can’t afford them, they can’t come.

Unfortunately, if you cannot afford to properly host over 200, then the guest list should stay at 200. It's perfectly fine to not have a 50K wedding. Lord knows I couldn't afford it, but guests should never have to pull out their wallets at a reception.

There is no wording, poem, whitty quote, or disclaimer, etc. that would not come off rude and/or insulting. I personally would not go to a wedding where I had to pay for my own meal. At $30 per plate, I would try to save up enough before invites go out to be able to afford to add a few friends to the guest list. Good luck.

View Quoted Comment This is kind of the wording I’ve figured out

Due to limited funds we were only able to purchase enough meals for immediate family if you would like to attend the dinner a 10-15$ donation would be requested, if no meal is desired please join us for the open reception at 6:30pm, Speeches will start at 7pm Drinks and Hors d’oeuvres will be provided

Immediate family is not 200 people lol but good luck with that one.

View Quoted Comment You are not a charity. You do not receive donations. What would you do if they decided not to "donate" but still came for dinner?

View Quoted Comment I also agree. Immediate family is not 20p people.

Immediate family is grandparents, parents, siblings, and your own children.

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While I think it's wonderful that you're providing an open bar and apps, I would still be insulted as a guest receiving this invite for a few reasons:

1. A wedding is not a charity. You shouldn't refer to the $10-15 as a donation.

2. You're still expecting a few select people to pay for their meal, while 200 others received a meal for free.

If you have limited funds, I would just keep the guest list at the original 200 that will be paid for. Maybe you can go to dinner one night another time with your friends to celebrate your marriage? Sorry I don't have better advice for you.

View Quoted Comment You can't call it a donation if it's a requirement lol obviously you're going to do what you're going to do so I'm not going to bother to say anything else except that you shouldn't expect your friends to attend because most will be offended and decline. So problem solved, I guess.

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Would be requested.

I'd rsvp yes and not pay. lol. There is no nice way to word this.

View Quoted Comment That's the way I see it too. This is super tacky and rude, but OP has her mind made up, despite everyone's attempts to convince her that this is not proper etiquette.

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Don't do this. I seriously can't even believe after all of the great advice you've been given you are STILL wanting to do this. Like everyone said, no matter how you word it still sounds awful. I don't think the wording you wrote is good, it sounds super rude. These clearly aren't your friends if you can't even manage to save a couple hundred dollars to feed them. You have until Nov. if you can't save a couple hundred bucks by then, you really need some advice on how to save money. Most of us on here are on a budget, some tighter than others....but I highly doubt (I speak for everyone) that anyone would ever make a guest pay for dinner. They would cut their guest list or find a dinner they could afford. You seriously need to rethink this.

View Quoted Comment You’re not having a charity dinner. You are having a wedding reception. Reception means you receive and properly host your guests.
Making your guests pay to eat at YOUR reception is completely rude.
I am sure many of the 200 that are on the guest list are people you do not even know or haven’t talked to in years. Time to eliminate strangers and add those that you are actually close to.
200 seems rather large already.

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Please don't do this. Can you invite your friends to celebrate with you on a different day? Maybe rent out a private room in an Italian/Mexican/cheaper restaurant and host them where each plate won't be $30? Something that isn't requesting money from them. You'll likely get monetary gifts from family at the wedding so you can use some of it to throw a post-wedding celebration for your friends later.

Also it's not an open reception if not everyone is being hosted properly.

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Nope. You need to cut your list. You can't pick and choose who gets a meal paid for and who has to pay their own. I don't even know how the logistics would work, because it's not like a wedding reception is a sit-down restaurant. It's paid in advance. There is simply no way to politely do this because the entire premise is a poor way to treat your guests.