Pay your own meal

Your parents are paying for the bulk of the guests to eat so you and your fiance could save up the money to pay for your friends meals between now and the wedding. How would you feel if you were a guest at a wedding where 99.9% of the guests did not have to pay for their own meal but you did?

Will they have to pay for their beverages too?

View Quoted Comment No my mom is purchasing 5 kegs and my fiancé’s Mom (surprisingly) is going to put 3,000 to have an open bar.

$30 per plate really isnt a lot for a wedding. Mine is way more than that I'm paying for food and beverage for ALL my guests and I'm not spending $50k. You and your fiance should pay the difference, period. Just be glad you're not paying for a wedding with 200+ guests by yourselves.

Yes, I would say that you are in a very fortunate position in that your parents are paying for food for 200 guests - which is no small amount.

The difference, at $30/plate, is probably a minuscule amount and if it's not feasible, then you should skip inviting those people.

I would not attend a wedding where I had to pay my own meal. I'd rather go to my local Olive Garden quite honestly, or anywhere else for that matter.

Going to echo everyone else. There is no way to word this. It shouldn't be done. It's rude. $30 is nothing major as far as plate prices go. Ours is $109 (granted that amount covers bar and cake as well.)

If you can't afford them, you can't invite them. Plain as that. The other option is do what you want, but be prepared for declines and possible loss of friendship.

I agree with all the previous posters, there is no polite way to tell someone that they need to pay for their own meal at your wedding. I feel like a lot of people forget this: the whole point of a reception is to thank your guests for coming to celebrate your special day. They shouldn’t be paying for their own food, they should be expecting a free meal for attending.

There is no polite or proper way to word this. It’s rude no matter what. If I received in invite that said I would have to pay for my meal it would be an automatic no for my rsvp. If I got to a wedding and found out I had to pay for my meal, especially if others didn’t I would turn right around and leave taking my gift with me and end the friendship. Your basically telling your guests that they can come and bring you a gift but they aren’t important enough for you to feed and host properly.

You don't write anything OP. How many friends do you want to invite? Do they have spoues or SO?

You budget to save $30 per person, maybe cut back in other places to pay for their meals.

You don't put your hosting duties on your guests. That's rude.

I can't help but laugh a little at this. Bless your heart but no, you don't charge people to attend your wedding. 200 is a ton of people to begin with, but if you want more friends then you guys need to cover the cost. Otherwise you need to just keep it a family affair. If your parents are covering so much of your wedding it shouldn't be that unreasonable for you guys to cover your friends.

PPs have definitely hit home the fact that this is a huge Nope but i am also wondering how you would even do this logistics-wise? would your caterer give them individual bills at the end of the night? would you make them pay in advance? there are just so many things wrong with this.

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Totally agree with you!

View Quoted Comment “Plus don’t forget to bring a gift or another check for a monetary gift!!! Toodles!!!”

To be honest, if I received a wedding invitation from a friend asking me to pay to attend their wedding, I would be very hurt. I would rather not be invited than feel like I was only being invited to provide presents. That doesn't sound like your intention, but there's no way to make this not sound like a gift grab.

Wow. Please don’t do this. Pay for their dinners yourself.

That is incredibly rude. If the people over the 200 are THAT important, cut some of the 200.

Easy fix - Pay the $30 per plate for your important friends. They will in turn bring a card with cash/check & I would hope they would gift you at least $30 or more. So right there, you're breaking even and your friends can attend the wedding while indirectly paying for their own meal.

Asking guests to pay for their food is very bad form. How in the world do you have 200 family members coming?! My ENTIRE family doesn't come to that count. Honesty our entire guest list is less than 200, including family and friends. I'd be offended if I got a wedding invitation that asked me to pay for my own food. They surely wouldn't be getting a gift. Are you having an open bar at least??

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If you can't afford to cover their food then I wouldn't invite them. Maybe have a small party for just your friends?

This is hilariously awful and possibly the worst wedding decision I’ve ever seen anyone consider on this site.

There’s no good or polite way to word this because it’s a monumentally rude decision, so I can’t help you there. Please realize that if you ask your wedding guests to pay for their food (especially when only some have to pay and others get to eat for free), people are going to talk bad about you for the rest of your life.