Parents Paying for 99 Percent of Wedding, But His Side Is...

If your fiance doesn't get the wedding he wants because you can't afford it, then that's life. You don't get things you want if they're too expensive. I don't have the car I want, because the dealership didn't think my desire for it was valid currency.

@Alexandra, no we won't perceive you that way. We just have that opinion for this thread. Like I said, you're not the only one who "puts their life on the line every day" that's what pissed me off. Not anything else you said.

If you think you should accept money from your parents, then do it, but don't ever expect anyone to hand money over. Maybe his family can't help ? Idk. Just pay for what your family can't.

Also, if you n your FH don't want the big celebration n FHs family is pushing for it...just don't do it. They don't get to dictate your wedding plans, especially if they are not contributing (which is not required, btw).

What kind of wedding do you n FH want?

Alexandra every man just about in my family fights for our freedom everyday but you don't see me throwing that around. Sounds like to me you're doing your profession for the wrong reasons.

No one perceives you in a negative way. You asked for advice from "random women" and you're getting it. You can chose to take it with a grain of salt or let it hurt your feelings. It's up to you. I hope you stick around on the forums and get more familiar with WW. There are a lot of amazing users on this site.

I wanted a small wedding but we already put the deposit down for our venue. I think it'll all turn out fine. i just have to stand my ground. My fiancé is getting the venue he always wanted so I'm happy for that.

I would say just don't have the rehearsal dinner if you cant afford it yourselves. If your parents are paying for your honeymoon I wouldn't worry about FILs paying for anything but if they want a say of anything in the wedding that is extravagant I would say its not in the budget unless you're willing to pay for it. That gets them to clam up really quick and its no more stress on you to deal with their demands.

@Alexandra, I think you'll be fine then

Here's a way to shave your guest list down.... you said you already sent "save the dates". Ok, not much you can do there...BUT, I'd keep the wedding invite to adults only. Just the parents. No kids jr high, high school or college need be invited. BAM! Problem solved. Anyone says something after real invites go out, just say it's adult only at this time. People will understand. The kids will thank you (sorry, they all think weddings are boring anyway. They do, trust me) And if there are immediate nieces or nephews, you can be the judge on their attendance

Pay for your own wedding. Problem solved.

Wow. Asking people for money? Rude. My parents offered to pay for my wedding. You know what I said? No. Because I didn't want to take money from my family and wanted paying for our wedding to be special for my FH and I. Being able to budget together is very important. You won't get anyone on here to feel bad for you that your grooms parents are not giving you money. Your wedding is your responsibility.

Well, you cant cut the guests who you sent a save the date to. Don't allow your in laws to dictate decisions. Especially if they are costly. To your SO about having you're back. When simmering is suggested that doesn't fit in your budget you have to both firmly (but kindly) say that it's not in your budget. That will give them the opportunity to offer to help foot the bill if that's what they want to do.

Soooooo, what are YOU paying for? Jesus Christ.

It really irks me that people think that "I'm an adult, so I paid for my own wedding" or "just say no and don't take the money" applies to everyone. It doesn't. I'm an adult and my parents paid for our entire wedding. They didn't have a say or ask to have a say in any aspect of it. If I had said no, they would have deposited the money into my bank account. Some families like to do things the "old school" way. You can't shame someone for accepting money any more than you can shame someone for not accepting it.

@OP - Sounds like you have it figured out now. Do the things you and your FH want and stand your ground on the rest.

I'm contributing to my wedding but again I didn't have a lot of room in the description to explain all the details. I also won't feel ashamed for letting my parents gift the wedding and honeymoon to me and my future husband. That's what bothers me about this forum. If you are entitled to your opinion on how a wedding should be financed, I should be allowed to finance my wedding however I want. You all don't know the situation. The only reason I feel they should at least offer is the fact that they are calling all the shots and want everything to be lavish, yet they won't contribute financially to it. And I will not be seen as less of an adult simply because my parents wanted to pay for my special day. If they can and are able to I don't see an issue with it and no one should be ashasmed if they do accept their parents money. My parents would rather have us keep our money for our future and wanted us to have a nice wedding. I'm not sorry for that.

If you guys are doing anything remotely traditional wedding wise, like wearing a white dress, doing a throw away, having your dad walk you down the aisle, doing a father/daughter dance, not sleeping with each other till the wedding night, DO NOT tell me that my parents paying for my wedding is too traditional.

Pay for the rehersal flowers and honeymoon yourself. I kinda know how you feel, my parents each chipped in a certain amount (they are divorced) and we more than matched them. His family hasn't paid for anything. We haven't asked though because we personally find that rude and entitled. They don't owe us a wedding. Sometimes I feel bad for my folk for spending money when his didn't, bit that is what they wanted to do and personally i don't think it matters a lot to them because they are just happy to give us what they have.

Be thankful your not having a huge bill you are very fortunate to be blessed with your parents me and my FH are paying for Everything

Also with them trying to call all the shots, learn to say "I'm sorry but that is not in our budget." FH's mom has been cranky about the guest list. Like you, the majority of the guests are his family. We have had to firmly tell her "We woukd lobe to invite such and such but the church is only so big and we can only afford to feed 80 people." Then even if she says the extras can pay for themselves (which she has amd we won't allow) we say "That's great but we really want to pay for our guests food ourselves. And our venue still does not allow more than a certain number of guests." The truth is that I don't see why someone we/he barely knows should attend when people we love and know can not be invited due to space.

If you pay you get a say, if you don't and your the parents of the bride or groom, yoi r opinion matters but does not get the final say.

I think my family would be annoyed if 70% of the guests were from his side. I think it needs to be 50/50 especially if they aren't contributing. He needs to cut his list to match yours. Have your parents made any complaints? My Dad paid the majority of our wedding. Luckily FH guests list was very close to mine.