Orthodox Jewish Relatives = No Saturday Wedding?

Not what you want to hear.... but there’s truly no right answer! Go with what feels best to you and your loved ones you care about most. Sunday evening is also a great option depending on your crowd! (Many folks don’t mind taking the Monday off instead of a Friday).

If I were you I’d stick with Saturday but obviously accepting they likely won’t come.

If you really want them there and also want a Saturday, could you have it in winter when the sun sets early?

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Yeah, that was also a possible solution, though the groom's entire family is in Maine and Vermont, so we didn't want to risk them getting obstructed by a snowstorm .

View Quoted Comment Oh right, that will be rough. These things can be so hard to coordinate when you are trying to figure out how to keep everyone happy!

I guess the question is...how much do you want these 3 people there? Yes, they cannot attend a Saturday evening wedding. However, how does that weigh when compared to all the other people on your list and the greater convenience/preference of a Saturday evening for those people and your own preference?

You could do it whenever you wanted and then reach out and say 'we completely understand the time we have selected may make it difficult for you to attend, however this was one of the only times our preferred venue was able to offer/was most convenient for the majority of our guests/whatever reason you think would be best accepted. Knowing this, we wanted to reach out to highlight that we are having a recovery brunch the next day and would love to see you there.'

OR if you're having streaming, highlight the fact the stream can be watched later, at a time that better suits them.

Basically, I think reaching out and addressing it before they have a chance to be passive aggressive is the best route. Be apologetic but upbeat, and provide them with one or two options from the get-go so they can't complain they were left out.

I think I read once about a similar parenting technique - you never say 'what do you want to wear today?' to a child, you say 'do you want the blue shoes or the red shoes?' they feel like they're getting an option so they have some control. It's supposedly especially effective with tasks they don't want to do. So rather than 'we need to clean our room now' it's better to say 'should we pick up our toys first, or fold our clothes?'

How do you feel about a Sunday night wedding? I wouldn't do a brunch because some people might attend church in the morning and might not be able to make a brunch wedding. You could plan from 3-9 or something like that. It wouldn't be too late that people couldn't still go to work the next day.

The way I see it is this, 0.04% of your guest list observe a practice which you yourself do not. If that 0.04% of people mean so much to you that you would do anything to have them attend, have your wedding on a Sunday. If you are indifferent about their attendance and/or would prefer a Saturday night wedding, go ahead with the Saturday.

If you opt for the Saturday, your relatives will have to accept that you do not observe the same practice as they do, and, if they really want to come, they can come after shabbat finishes.

I have to do this also (for us it's not 3 people, it's more like 2/3 of the guest list). I think like others said, it comes down to how badly you want those people there. Maybe because most of the weddings I go to are on Sundays, I don't understand why people are so opposed to Sunday weddings. It will probably be cheaper.

I would just do a Sunday evening wedding.

I think it depends on how badly you want them there. Do you want these 3 people there badly enough that you would compromise your vision of a wedding? Most people want to celebrate in the evening and it sounds like that is what you want as well, otherwise you wouldn't be having this question...are you okay with doing a brunch wedding? Remember this would mean getting up extremely early to have hair and makeup done and get ready, etc. so it will change a lot about your day for 3 people to come. If they are really important and you really want them there and can deal with that, then do the Sunday brunch. If not, I would stick with Friday or Saturday. They should be able to understand (like you are understanding to them if they cannot go for religious reasons!) that most people now have weddings on Fridays or Saturdays and that's when vendors and other guests are typically available. If they treat you a certain way, they're kind of being hypocritical...they want you to change your entire special day for their religious beliefs and you're being very understanding about it, but if they treat you differently after you decide NOT to bend over their religious beliefs, that's not fair.

I would do a Sunday evening wedding.

I personally would not plan my wedding timeline around guests who I didn't have a super close relationship with and whose attendance was not all that important to me. I don't buy into the idea that just because you share a bloodline with someone they automatically become prioritized people at your wedding.

It sounds like your relationship with them is a bit strained, you don't follow the same belief system that they do, and you would be inviting them out of obligation rather than a strong desire for them to be with you on that day. In that case, I would have the wedding when you want (which sounds like a Saturday evening) and let them choose whether or not to participate and then begrudge you however they are going to. If you shift your wedding to a Sunday instead to accommodate these 3 people, would you then be making things more difficult for your other guests, who may be more VIP status than them? Would they attend and then judge your food choices for not being Kosher? Would you have to miss out on photos you really want, give up your dream venue, or risk having other guests not attend because they can't travel for a Sunday or get Monday off work? Make a list of pros/cons! I would consider how important it is to you for them to be there and what compromises you would have to make to include them, then decide which option is a better fit for you.

If it is important to them, they will show up Saturday after sundown (depending on distance to the venue). I have religious relatives who did not attend my Saturday afternoon Bat Mitzvah ceremony but did come to the party once they were able to drive again (less than an hour of drive time).

I'll be the atheist jerk.

Anyone who observes religious traditions should realize that they may miss out on things as a result, and they are accepting that when they choose to observe those traditions.

You should not bend over backwards for a tradition you do not observe yourself. If you prefer a Friday or Saturday evening wedding, then that's what you should have.

They should not expect that everyone will bend and cater to their religious observances. They choose to put those traditions above your wedding, and that is fine - but you are also free to put your wedding above their religious beliefs.

How religious are they? We had several orthodox Jewish guests who stayed with friends and relatives within walking distance of our venue so that they could attend our Saturday evening wedding. But we're also in a major city with large Eruv boundaries so this was easy for them to do. A couple of others showed up after sundown. We initially considered having a Sunday evening wedding (which is very common in my family and social circle for this very reason) but our religious guests were only extended family members and friends, not immediate family. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable having a Saturday evening wedding if I had immediate relatives such as a grandparent who were orthodox, but my family is close and you mentioned that you're not particularly close with these people in question. It's a tough position to be in, that's for sure!