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Dedicated March 2021

Opinion needed on bridesmaids dresses. sos

Happily Married, on February 21, 2021 at 9:58 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 24

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I’m letting my girls pick their own dresses with only three minor conditions: 1) the color has the match the swatch (don’t care where they buy the dresses) 2) they have to be modest in terms of cleavage because of the church modesty guidelines and 3) I wanna see the dress first before they buy their dresses.

#3 seems to be a point of contention, and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable for wanting to see the dresses first.
I don’t wanna show up and be surprised on the day of the wedding. I kind of wanna be the only dress surprising the crowd.
Please tell me it’s not normal for bridesmaids to NOT be willing to show you the dress before the big day.

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24 Comments

Latest activity by Lady, on February 22, 2021 at 2:04 PM

VIP June 2019
Hanna · on February 21, 2021 at 10:00 PM
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I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I wonder why they're giving you pushback?
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Dedicated March 2021
Happily Married · on February 21, 2021 at 10:01 PM
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I honestly don’t know. The modesty rules on cleavage are from the church; they aren’t my rules I just have to make sure my bridesmaids follow them. I’ve gotten pushback from only one, and it’s starting to worry me that it’s just the beginning of more contentious points to come.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on February 21, 2021 at 10:03 PM
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I don’t think it’s bad! Because when I had bridesmaids, a lot of them would show me what they’re considering or when I was a bridesmaid I would show the bride what I was considering, etc
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on February 21, 2021 at 10:04 PM
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If it's been only one so far, then maybe you can just have a chat with that person to figure out what's going on? I think you're being more than reasonable in allowing them to purchase their dresses from any retailer (assuming that the swatch is a common color that's easy to match). I'd stand your ground on this issue.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on February 21, 2021 at 10:07 PM
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Uh, no. This is your wedding, you're the bride, you should not be surprised by what anyone in the wedding is wearing unless you have expressed you want to be surprised for some reason. She should absolutely show you.
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Expert May 2022
Molly · on February 21, 2021 at 10:17 PM
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That sounds very reasonable and very accommodating to the bridesmaids!
I went with all the same colors and style of dress, but all the girls are fine with it.
You should let her know not everyone is as accommodating and some brides pick the dress for their bridesmaids!
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 21, 2021 at 10:17 PM
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You’re not being unreasonable! Time to have a chat with the bridesmaid to see what the issue is.
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Super October 2022
AJ · on February 21, 2021 at 10:36 PM
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Not unreasonable, I’m doing the same but i only gave a maid of honor. She sent me like 45 examples and I narrowed it down to 8. Then from there narrowed it down to two! I would for sure want to see what she’s picking, not knowing would stress me out.
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Dedicated December 2021
Connie · on February 21, 2021 at 10:36 PM
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That doesn't sound unreasonable to me at all! I send pictures of me in dressing rooms trying on outfits to my sisters and friends all the time when I shop alone, especially if the outfit is for an event we are both going to. I agree with PP that there is probably something on your BM's mind, and it would be good to ask her how she is feeling or why she feels this way.
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Expert November 2021
Sara · on February 21, 2021 at 10:46 PM
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You're being very reasonable! Them not wanting to show their dresses to you is unreasonable
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Dedicated March 2021
Happily Married · on February 21, 2021 at 11:59 PM
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Thanks ladies. I didn’t think i was at all unreasonable, but I was starting ti second guess myself. My biggest fear is being a bridezilla and I was worried wanting to see the dresses made me a bridezilla.

Thanks ladies
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 22, 2021 at 2:48 AM
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Mine each sent a picture after they bought them. I never asked for it. They just assumed I would want to see while the dresses were still returnable., so they e mailed a pic each.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 22, 2021 at 3:15 AM
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Everything you've described is completely reasonable. Let them know that because of church rules you need to approve the dresses or they will not be standing up.
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Savvy February 2025
Emma Cassano · on February 22, 2021 at 4:05 AM
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You're not being unreasonable. You're just trying to make sure the dress matches the guidelines of the church. Try pushing the guideline detail over the surprise detail and see what happens.
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Expert October 2021
Katherine · on February 22, 2021 at 8:28 AM
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You're not being unreasonable at all. If the dresses ended up not matching you wouldn't know til last minute which would cause u stress. Also if the church has the rule then that's not something you can do anything about. They need to respect that.
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Dedicated March 2021
Amber · on February 22, 2021 at 8:32 AM
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It is your day! I did almost the same thing but my color was not.common and they could only find it at davids. But I let them choose any style as long as it is not short. All of my girls asked my opinion of their dress, I didn't even have to ask. Not doing a church so modesty wasn't a thing but they still respected me enough to ask.
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Expert September 2021
· on February 22, 2021 at 9:28 AM
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Im doing something very similar! I gave my bridesmaids a color scheme (red, pink, burgundy) and told them to run with it! My girls have been really excited about being able to chose their own and were constantly sending me dresses they were looking at and we chose together which we liked best. If they aren't wanting to cooperate, I would simply send a text if you have a group chat and remind them of your wishes. It's kind of a given that you would need to console the bride before buying a dress for their wedding! You're not being unreasonable at all!
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on February 22, 2021 at 9:43 AM
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Totally reasonable! It’s your wedding and you should know what they are wearing for sure.
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Devoted May 2022
Tory · on February 22, 2021 at 12:02 PM
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I don’t really understand why a bridesmaid would have an issue with this considering it’s your wedding. Every wedding I’ve been in have either had stricter rules for dresses, or I’ve reached out to them about what I wanted beforehand out of respect for the bride
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on February 22, 2021 at 12:10 PM
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I would be worried she has a surprise in store for you - not a good one! - and assumes that if she shows up in a dress against the church’s dress code it will be too late to change it.
It’sbvery unreasonable that she won’t show it to you - hence my suspicion.
Disclaimer: I have raised two daughters to adulthood, and the amount of tricks and wheedling to get a prom or homecoming dress that violates dress code I endured was legion!
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Opinion needed on bridesmaids dresses. sos

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