One side of the family is helping out with the wedding

Talk to them and ask! They might be interested in helping but don’t want to step on toes or may not know what is needed. I would ask in a way of, “Would you be interested in helping with X?” or, “You are such a talented chef and it would be special to have your food featured at our rehearsal dinner” will keep it from sounding like a demand. Good luck!

No one is obligated or required to pay for your wedding except you.

There is no way to ask this without sounding demanding. Maybe he wants to not work that night.

No one is obligated to help pay for your wedding. If they offer that's one thing, but I do think asking someone to chip in, especially for something so specific, isn't right. When we first planning our wedding, we each asked our parents if they planned on chipping in so we could budget accordingly.

Normally, the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner - if you're doing it traditionally. It's 2021, so it's totally normal for you guys to pay for it all yourselves, but in a traditional world, that isn't completely out of the norm.

You could always ask! If they say they can't or don't want to, you can't make them, but asking wouldn't hurt!

If they haven't offered then I wouldn't ask them. I also wouldn't expect family to cook for your wedding or rehearsal dinner. It is a time to thank them for their support rather than asking them to provide you a service. My husband's parents are divorced and only my mother-in-law and my parents contributed to our wedding and rehearsal dinner. His dad didn't once offer to contribute any money or ask if we needed help with anything.

Paying for the wedding and any prewedding events that you choose to have is your responsibility and your responsibility only. If they want to help, they will offer. It’s rude to ask.

Yes, it is wrong to help them throw your party. If your concern is the assistance not being even, you can decline your mother’s money and cover all the costs yourself. Your mother, hopefully, is offering money because SHE wants to help YOU and it shouldn’t have anything to do with anyone else. If she didn’t want to help, she wouldn’t offer— she didn’t have to, but she did and you appreciate it. It doesn’t mean anyone else needs to want to or needs to be able to or needs to offer. Frankly it sounds more unfair to ask his family for some sort of contribution just because your mom is. I also would recommend asking him to cater because that is an event he should be able to enjoy as a guest, and it’s really a lot of pressure to provide for such a high stakes event! This is a pretty good early lesson of marriage— the sides won’t always be fair in a merging of two different families! Guestlist becomes another example — I gave a lot of thought to fairness bc my family is huge and I wanted them all there but didn’t want to dominate the guestlist...but my husband also picked and chose who he wanted there from his family , and it just came up differently than mine. It wasn’t important to him to invite every cousin etc but for me it was huge:...so technically my family cost us the most money! But it was just how it was, and worked to keep the little things fair between families, equally honoring his side and mine as best we could (involvement of the ceremony, table placement, etc)

Ugh I accidentally forgot a word there in my first sentence , *wrong to ask!


I think asking about help is only appropriate if someone has already offered, but on vague terms and you’re looking for clarification. Same is true for money as it is even for hands on help . If they said “we want to help just let us know!” is one thing, but if they haven’t said anything or made any sort of offer, presume there isn’t one unless you hear otherwise

I think asking him to step in for the rehearsal dinner is a great way to get his side of the family involved without asking for money. This is a touchy subject for ppl on here. No one is obligated to pay for any of the wedding other than the bride & groom which is true but I also understand that it would be nice for parents or in laws to offer help. My mom & dad helped me a lot! I was never going to ask the in laws to step in other than the cake because MIL is a baker. I was even willing to purchase a cake from another bakery in case MIL wanted to relax and not have to make the cake but she offered. In no way was I going to ask them to pay for anything unless their son decided to ask. They take appearances seriously and were like oh my mom and dad are doing xyz, we haven’t contributed at all & that makes us look bad so they gave us a little bit of money (their son & them got into a fight and he ended giving their money back).


If I were you I would not ask for money or money contributions but asking for help w catering is a good idea. Ask your FH and if hes on board then have him ask or ask together.

We have the same situation, but reversed. My FH's family has offered up money and mine has not. Instead of asking for help, we decided to plan a day that we could afford with what we had and what his parents gave us and anything else is a bonus. It's rude to ask for help because you don't fully know what the people are going through. For example, my mom seems pretty well off...but she was divorced from my dad 5 years ago, has her own bills, and struggles to make ends meet. My dad is unemployed and has been for almost 2 years. While both said they will contribute at some point, we are at 8 months now and neither has, and that's okay! I'm not taking any spotlight away from them just because they can't give us anything. You're throwing a party for everyone there, and while they will most likely give a gift either monetary or otherwise, they are not going to give you enough to cover their full expense I'm sure. Would you ask everyone else to pay their part simply because they're enjoying the wedding? Same rules go for parents.

I forgot i cant edit my response. I wanted to include: you and FH know ur in laws the best. If they are the type to feel insulted because you asked then dont do it. And dont go into it with any expectations.

In the same situation. Fh and I have been saving for this wedding every paycheck since December 2019. I was very adamant on us not needing our family to help or feel financially burdened by us so I came up with a savings plan and made a spreadsheet. When we booked his mom was I will help with the money, I will pay how ever much you need, don’t you worry. 14 months later not a cent not even a peep. My parents on the other hand has purchased my dress and given money to help us. Neither of their help was asked for. They know me to well to ask because I’d say no and get uncomfortable so what they do is they just send it through Zelle or cash app and pleading the 5th when I ask about it. It has been hard on my fiancé that his side talked such a big game but when push came to shove they let him down. I think even a offer of support even if he didn’t take it would have been nice for him to have have to know they care. But they’ve been so quiet and only dishing out opinions on everything. I have no plans to ask his side for help but I do get what you are saying and feeling. Especially with the unexpected costs of covid expenses, an offer to want to help would be nice.