One of my "best friends" decided to plan her destination wedding on same weekend as my bachelorette party

FutureMrs. Thanks. You don't.

That was pretty crapy of you're friend. I think you should still continue with your day : )

TooSpicy they aren't mutually exclusive. I can be upset about more than one thing no? Also she is one of my best friends not my best friend. My best friend is my MOH who is planning my bachelorette party. But yes it is upsetting that's the whole point of my post. I put in there that I am hurt and the issue is that she would be missing my bachelorette party and that I would be missing her wedding. So yes it matters.

I would ask her how come she didnt consider any of these things when picking her date!? That was extremely selfish

Not to be cold, but it's only a Bach party... it's not the wedding? B-party is optional-

Wow, really Swin?? OP should cancel her party she has had planned for 5 MONTHS because her so-called friend arbitrarily chose to have her wedding on the same weekend "just because we like it"? BULLSHIT!!!

It doesn't matter if it is optional or not. The point is that the "friend" had plans to come to this party, as well as multiple other friends in the same circle. Now, the OP either has to change her own plans or miss the friend's wedding, AND the friends have to choose between the two of them. TRUE friends don't make others choose, when clearly choosing this weekend for her wedding had no meaning to the "friend", and she had no regard for the OP and her plans, which she had already known about for 5 months.

True, she has no obligations to attend the bach party, but now other friends are going to feel torn and guilty no matter what they choose. That to me, is the true issue here.

ETA: taking out my really snarky remarks so I dont get flagged.

I mean, it's a wedding versus a party.

If you can't make that decision, you're a shitty friend.

Sometimes, the responses on here amaze me. Sometimes it REALLY is the principle of the matter!!! The OP is not the shitty friend here, if it wouldnt get me flagged I would tell you what I really feel here!!

I think this is really rude and I'd absolutely be upset in your position!

Scheduling conflicts absolutely happen, but she doesn't even have a venue yet, so she doesn't know 100% that she'll actually have her wedding on this day. She also could have at least tried to soften the blow by saying that she's so sorry but this was the only day available at the venue, or the only day that worked with her family's schedule...like come on, give me something to explain the issue!

I think it's just a consideration issue since she knows that you have plans this weekend, and that by scheduling her wedding on the same date she knows that you won't be able to attend her wedding, knows she now can't attend your bachelorette, and is taking a few of her friends with you. To me this isn't a wedding vs. bach party issue, it's a kindness and consideration issue. I'd honestly rather someone lie to me with a made up scheduling issue than just say "oh we decided to have it that weekend because we want to".

I would be super hurt as well. But unfortunately, you're right about not dictating other people's options. Granted, the friend knew about your party and really should've thought about that. It sounds like she's getting married in a very short time, so maybe she'll push her date back due to expenses. I hope things work out!

I wouldn't stress about it until she actually has a venue. Also IMHO planning a destination wedding (unless you are eloping) in an under a year would be tough because for destination weddings you generally give your guests more notice. We had over a year's notice for my FH's best friend's destination wedding in Jamaica, which gave us extra time to plan travel and track flight prices. Depending on the "destination" she chooses, she would have to send out STDs like tomorrow to ensure that her guests can book rooms, flights, etc. without spending a fortune.

I think the difference in opinions comes from personalities, cantwait. I'm a really laid-back person. I try to see the best in situations and not be selfish. But, I can see how other people with stronger personalities would be really offended by this.

At the end of the day, we all can have our personalities and not be super dramatic about them, right?

Typically i'm the "you get one day they get one day" kind of person but this is a super shitty thing to do. If you're having a bach weekend getaway and its in November it would probably be a pain for you to get it switched and to be honest it shouldn't be YOU who has to change it. That's really inconsiderate on her part. I would not be happy. I can see if she was just a friend of yours who wasn't in the wedding party but she's one of your bridesmaids. That's just so damn rude of her.

Venue or no venue she's actively deciding to do it THAT weekend and IMO that's a shitty thing to do.

@Swin but your posts are super dramatic and condescending so....

K. Who are you, though?

I haven't read all the comments. But my assumption is, if she JuST got engaged, there's a high chance that she hasn't found a venue etc. That weekend could be booked and you'll be fine. Don't fret just yet.

Sorry you have to deal with a sucky situation. Personally I wouldn't care at the end of the day, it's just a bachelorette party as far as that part goes. It is what it is and yeah it sucks that you can't go to her wedding, but nothing you can do. Just don't focus on it. My feelings would be more hurt about not being able to go to the wedding. I'm sorry tho, hopefully it'll work out one way or the other

Im super impressed this made it to 5 pages without anyone commenting on the fact that OP planned her own bach.

Blair I did not plan my own bachelorette party. Discussed with my MOH where to go and that's it. I repeatedly said my MOH is hosting it. Which is why I can't change it because she would not be available any other days. I did however offer to TRY and change it to accommodate the other friend wanting to get married but that did not work with my MOH schedule.

I don't think a good friend would do that