One of my "best friends" decided to plan her destination wedding on same weekend as my bachelorette party

I think my wording is confusing some people. She is one of my best friends, but not my best friend. So she is in my bridal party, but is not my maid of honor. We will still have about 7 of us at the bachelorette party without the 3 girls. Just makes me sad. I love celebrating my girls and have been in about 7 weddings and make a huge effort to go to everybody's bachelorette parties and weddings. My friends are super important to me and I have made it to people's destination weddings/bach parties in the middle of grad school when I was broke (4 destination in one year) so I tend to prioritize their events over my life circumstances.. I know those are decisions I made and its not tit for tat but still have major hurt feelings.

The only reason for that weekend that was specified to me was that they just really liked that weekend...

Unfortunately my MOH can't figure out another weekend ATC's have a very weird work schedule and it's not like the rest of us with getting off work. She's kind of stuck with that weekend so thats when we need to do it. I would love to change the date but jus not possible.

I'd be upset too, but mainly because I'd find it odd she'd plan to arrange for an event of any kind to occur when she was already planning to do something else for the day. Regardless of whether it was a day for your bachelorette party, someone else's wedding, a bar/bat mitzvah, etc. Just seems weird for someone to pick a day that they are already booked to plan an important event.

When is your bachelorette and does she even have a venue for this date? If she doesn't have a venue, she doesn't have a date.

I'm with @CindySue here - Nov of this year is pretty short notice and it's not but she only got engaged over the weekend. It is highly unlikely she has a date yet because you don't have an official date until you have a venue. If she DOES have a venue with that date it was probably one of very few options this year in the time frame she'd want - so if she picked this date I would bet that she had a venue in mind and had very few other choices that didn't entail waiting til next year.

I would definitely ask if she has a venue booked yet - don't change your plans for your Bach if she doesn't have a venue because it's pretty unlikely she'll get that date then. And if she does end up with that date, it's on her because she knew the date of your Bach at the time of booking. Yeah it sucks you can't go, but really.

tldr; don't stress until you know she has a venue and even then, don't let her choices affect your plans that have been set for months already because she made the choice knowing about those plans.

If they don't have a venue, they don't have a date. Chances are she won't be able to book something that exact weekend with November being just barely 5.5 months away. Do you know for sure that this is her weekend or is it just a date they said they were aiming for? I would try to see if you MOH can switch weekends with someone? Or get more info from this "BFF" before cancelling anything. I know we have to bid for PTO in the beginning in the year but sometimes we can get people to switch or get it overridden. I would definitely get if she actually booked a venue though. You might be stressing over nothing

She does not have a venue yet she just knows she wants to do destination to a specific location but no venue just really likes that date.

PP are correct she gets a day and you get a day. However, I'm not sure I would cancel my pre-planned event to be in attendance at her wedding.

Sorry, you should be more mature about this. It's her wedding day.

So she doesn't have a venue yet and she is purposely LOOKING for one on your bach day? Nah, nope, just NO. Party on as planned sis.

I understand feeling disappointed. But really, your Bach party isn't as important as her wedding(or your wedding, isn't the important thing that she won't miss your wedding?). Just reschedule your Bach party. I honestly don't understand "destination" bachelorette parties to begin with. Just ask whoever is planning it to change the plan to something local.

Like others said, let's see if this friend can even find a venue for her date. But I personally wouldn't cancel your bach - you guys had these plans and she knew it, and if a couple people choose to go to her wedding instead, fuck it. You'll still have a great time with the rest of your friends. I may not love the concept of destination bachelorettes, but that's what everyone already agreed to and planned. It's not your fault she's picking that weekend to get married.

I would not cancel. I would let her know that you tried to change the date, but the MOH can only get that weekend off etc.

She picked that weekend knowing that "one of her best friends" may not be able to attend due to previous plans. I'm sorry but that's really inconsiderate.

I would continue my plans and send her a bomb wedding present because you changing it effects other people who have taken off from work, purchased flights, booked hotels, etc.

She made a decision for her life. I would do the same for my own

Check your priorities! Take it with a grain of salt... try to at least. Your bachelorette party will still be a hit! Your "best friend" will be sorry she missed it! As for her wedding, cheers to her.

Yes, you can definitely be upset and disappointed, but unless she's some sort of crazy bitch who's only thought was to get married on the weekend of your bachelorette specifically to ruin your party and make your life miserable, I'd get over it. And honestly if this were one of my best friends I'd cancel my bachelorette and go to her wedding because wedding > bachelorette, even my own. And then you can just go out with your friends and do something much simplier. Is your MOH's schedule so strict that you couldn't do dinner and a night out? Unfortunately wanting a destination bachelorette (I had one, so I'm not snarking on it) forces you into these types of situations. It's much easier to rearrange dinner and a night out than an entire weekend trip.

I think you need to really think about what you want out of your bachelorette. For me, I just wanted to spend time with my friends, so I would have done whatever was possible to make that happen, even if it wasn't 100% what I wanted. If you want it to be all about the trip and the location you're going, then I guess keep going with your plans. It is what it is at this point.

ETA: I do agree with others to wait until she actually has a venue locked down to cancel plans or change anything or get super duper angry.

That stinks. But its her wedding vs your bachelorette party? sorry, have a normal Bachelorette party instead of a destination.

It makes no sense to say in one breath, no one is going to be as excited about your day as you but then expect the OP to cancel or re-arrange a pre-planned event for another bride. Destination parties may not be what most do, myself included, but that doesn't mean it's not becoming the norm or the OP shouldn't get the party that was planned for her on the date(s) it was planned. Choices... The OP has one to make just as the her friend did. They both should be able to live with their decisions.

I know some people say you each get your own day, but I find it very very strange that she would pick this weekend, just because they "liked it". Best friends do not do shit like this!!! If it was a special date for them, then I could understand. She sounds a little narcissistic to me, and I personally would be VERY hurt, but in the end there is nothing you can do about it.

Have your weekend with the friends that choose to come to your Bach, and just know that if some friends choose to go to her wedding, it is not because they value her friendship more, it is likely because they feel a wedding has a little more importance than a bach, even though they will probably feel bad that they have to choose and may in fact be a little pissed at her.

Have a wonderful weekend, despite her!! Good luck!!

ETA: I would try to talk to her, and stress the fact that you REALLY don't want to miss her wedding and seeing how beautiful she will be, and how you will have to do that to attend your own bach weekend. If she is narcissistic like she appears to be, REALLY playing that up may make her change her wedding date, because of course you should not have to miss seeing her looking so amazing.

She's being a shitty friend. I wouldn't change the bachelorette plans, especially since you have 7 other people committed to going and have probably already started making plans for PTO, travel, etc. It sucks that 3 girls will miss it, but you'll still have an awesome time.

I don't care , so was a tad bit petty for that!!! IMO , your BACH was already planned & she could've picked aaannyyyyy other day of the year but chose that weekend ? Come on now ? Yea I would be a little hurt by that

ETA maybe she tried to steal your shine !!!!

I would just be hurt because I'd feel like she didn't want me there and instead of just not inviting me she chose a date she knew I couldn't attend.

I'm sorry you are going through that OP

I feel like she is being petty about something. Or she isbhust totally socially ignorant lol. But as someone else said, has she even booked a venue?