Officiant or no officiant that is the question

I feel like I would be a bit upset as a guest if I found out the ceremony I was watching was a lie and you were already married. Just my opinion.

Can you try to find an officiant within your budget to marry you at your ceremony on Sunday? That would make the most sense

The biggest thing we are finding is that a lot of the officiants we are finding is a lot officiants around us either won't do a lesbian wedding or will hike there prices up

CELIA!! HELP!!!

The ceremony is the most important part. That is where you actually (legally) get married. If you want to do it through the courts fine but don't lie to your guests and have a fake ceremony. If you're already married and have a ceremony it's a vow renewal. Find it in your budget to get an officiant.

Where are you located OP? That seems ridiculous. Edit: the wine made me say it.

Virginia. We were so focused on getting everything like the venue, catering, dress, tux etc that we forgot to look at the states laws on officiants that are ordained from the Internet. Turns it VA says the marriage won't be valid if performed by an officiant ordained online

Gayweddings.com also paying &Nancy T

Thank you Beatrice. That site helped a lot

Tasha, I also live in VA, so I've been doing some research into this part, myself. Find yourself a civil celebrant. They will usually do same sex weddings. Use the vendor tab here on WW to look some up; you can use search criteria on the actual webpage (don't know about the app) to narrow down your options by location, distance, religion, etc. If you need them just for the ceremony, no rehearsal or premarital counseling, it should run you around 300-600. Definitely get in contact with some if they don't have any pricing on their website.

Calling @celia

Hopefully Nancy or Celia will have some recommendations. Note that a good officiant will cost $300-$800.

You can do an immediate family (10 people or less) ceremony on Friday with the justice of the peace if you want. Then call your reception on Sunday a celebration of your marriage. Do not have a fake ceremony at the reception though and be open with the guests that you did a private ceremony a few days before.

Where in Virginia? My officiant might be able to do it but I'm not sure what your budget is for an officiant and his availability.

If you're in the Central Virginia (Charlottesville) area, I can make a recommendation. Claire Goodman of Sacred Grounds Ceremonies. She's an Interfaith Minister.

http://sacredgroundceremonies.com/about

What were you planning on doing at the ceremony without an officiant??

I'm sorry, I find this borderline ridiculous. I have no problem with people getting married in a small private ceremony before the celebration; everyone who has read even one of my posts on this issue knows that. HOWEVER, generally, there is a darn good reason; health insurance, some kind of visa issue (I'm not talking about sham marriages for citizenship), military, illness, anxiety issues, even not being able to navigate the waiting period in NJ (for people who are out of state) . I have not witnessed a group of guests refusing to come to a ceremony or feeling they were 'lied to' because it was not 'real'. That is an attitude that surfaces here periodically, but in fact, in many countries, you'd have to do a civil, legal ceremony before a big church ceremony. If you're going to get married on an island or in another country, getting married before is actually a smarter idea; having your license originate in the USA simply makes everything else easier. The celebration with your family is absolutely real, and what you call it is up to you. (And for the record, I've never had anyone ask me about the license on the day. People simply do not care, except for the handful here who are so fixated on semantics the are insulted by the realities of other people's lives.)

Simply not realizing you needed one and not putting it in the budget or even looking for one because you were focused on the party?

That is not a good reason.

I know officiants all over the country. I don't know any officiant who refuses to marry same sex couples (unless they are church based and in many cases, even though they would love to, they would lose their ordination and their call) and I certainly don't know anyone who charges MORE to do a same sex wedding.

You can absolutely go to the JP if you want, but you have three months to get this together. Call Celebrant USA (they are here). Call Judith Guash (she is in PA, but I believe she is also registered in VA). If you email me privately (*****@***********.***), I can post your information on the regional board of AAWO, a national network of officiants. And then of course, there is the ever popular, always ignored Vendor Tab........ You might even consider going to a nearby state whose rules are not so strict. The ordination does not make the officiant, and there may be some good people a short drive away.

A JP in a courthouse is going to, usually, do a cut and paste ceremony, and the odds are that if you have a family member do a 'ceremony' on the day, it's going to be the same thing, so you have two bland ceremonies instead of one meaningful one, in front of your friends and family.

Here is another point, and you can either agree with me or not, but I've had this discussion with my same sex couples (two of them just yesterday). The right to marry is precious, and nontraditional couples have only recently gotten it. It would seem to me that the ceremony, especially in your case, should be paramount. It should be the culmination of not only your path, but the civil rights path that so many have been working towards. Not that you have to be the poster children carrying the torch for civil liberties, but your ceremony should be important, inspiring; it should have humor, gravitas and depth. It should be a shining example to your guests, some of whom have probably never been to a ceremony like yours, nor could they have imagined it would be possible.

You see how important this is? More than the dresses, the favors, the programs.

So work on it. I'll help you if I can.

I think you should really use the next few days to contact as many officiants as possible to find one you can afford who is still available. I get that you forgot to budget for it, but see what non-essential items you can cut to come up with a few hundred for an officiant. Maybe cut out favors, or choose more affordable invitations, talk to your florist about reworking your floral arrangements for a lower price, etc.

Tasha, I'm in a same sex relationship and am getting married in Virginia as well!!! There was an LGBT wedding expo in April called Engaged! VA I highly suggest looking up the vendor list. We booked an officiant from the show who's in a same sex relationship herself, so I'm very excited to not worry about feeling judged by the officiant during my ceremony.

Three months out is tight, but you should be able to find an officiant.

Simply forgetting literally the most important vendor is..man. Not good.

Can you see if the local justice of the peace will come to the ceremony site? They do in Chesapeake and Virginia Beach for a small extra fee.

OP, what part of VA? I can recommend my officiant, Phyllis Min, based in Richmond. She is pretty average priced for this area and definitely performs same sex marriages.