Not Getting a Thank You Card (**rant**)

I hear you guys and I agree. It's really bratty not to send a thank you card. And it's totally your business to stop sending gifts for someone who is continually unappreciative. I do not think we should ever condone rude behavior.

That being said, I dunno that I would get this upset about it. lol It seems like a very simple, "no thank you after all this? the end" and move on rather than getting worked up.

I had my shower thank you cards out 1 week after the shower. That is really rude. One I would call her out hit her up and ask her is she recieved your gift and then see where the conversation goes from there. Could be possible it got lost in the mail. Doubtful but you never know. I would be pissed if I didn't get a thank you card

I'm with Mrs. G...Call her/facebook/text her to see if she got your gift.

I don't really get upset about not getting a thank you card but it definitely rubs me the wrong way and makes me less likely to send a gift or spend as much money/time on a gift.

Its not so much that I'm upset and devastated by this behavior but more irritated at the rudeness...this is definitely a move on point and although we haven't been friends in 15 years or so and never will be (so there was no hope or thought of that ever happening) its just telling me that should I attend the wedding that my gift or presence wouldn't be appreciated so not to bother. If I could get on FB at work I would totally do it but I am going to make a mental note to myself to do so when I get home from work

ETA: I dont have the bride's phone number (nor does my mom) to even send her a text or phone call about if she had received it so Facebook is the only way to do it

You need to do something to thank people for a gift. If you want to go green, pick up the phone and call every single person or pay a little bit to send a pretty thank you through paperless post. My shower was on a Saturday and my thank you's went out on Tuesday. It doesn't take long especially when you write out essentially your own script where you just fill in the blanks to make it easier.

I was taught my whole life to have good manners. To walk into a house and say hello, to greet people in my home, and to say please and thank you. Its one of those things where I may not notice someone's poor manners right away but over time it gets noticed. Case in point is FBIL's family. They will never say hello to anyone outside of their family, they all look like they have just smelled a nasty fart and will never say thank you. Everyone else notices and its their POGO (for New Girl fans) aka the thing people always say about you behind your back.

Some people just suck at Thank you notes...it might not be personal at all. A friend of mine still has not sent me a thank you card and the wedding was last August...about 3 months after the wedding I asked her if she received it...I was so worried that maybe it got lost in the process.

Argh!!! So annoying. We're still waiting for a thank you card from my cousin from about 2 years ago. STILL WAITING...

*sigh*

Also It's super small but I sent a card with a $25 gift card (don't know them that well plus I was worried about it getting lost in the mail) and never received a thank you for that and it's also been about 2 months.

@Northern....I would rather have a generic, preprinted card with a simple signature than nothing at all. To me that is the written equivalent of the automatic "Thank You" response. It may not personal and heartfelt, but at least it fulfills the required social response

So I know I'm in the minority here but I think keeping track of if you received a thank you/being bitter about it is petty and ruder than not sending one. Is that really why you sent a gift? JMO...

Yes Eleanor....you got me. I spent $80 on a gift, plus $15 on shipping for a gift to send just to get $1.29 thank you card in the mail. That is the only reason why I sent it, thank gawd you helped to clear that one up.

Ok so if that's not why you sent the gift that what is the major issue. She was supposed to send one, you probably should have received it already but where is the real harm. Did the gift note that it was a shower gift. I've received some gifts that didn't note whether they were for the wedding or the shower and I assume they're for the wedding. It hasn't even been THAT long. Can you not give her the benefit of the doubt? Were you going to keep the thank you card as a cherished keepsake? My point is not that she shouldn't send a thank you, she should, it's that there's no use getting worked up.

I can't stand people with poor manners. My FH and I went to a wedding on 5/31/14 and gave the couple (who are good long term friends of FH) a $150 check. First of all it was even CASHED until early July so I kept having to carry it my checking book and second it's been nearly 3 months and still no thank you card.

That part that really ticks me off? I had all my thank yous done exactly 2 weeks after the wedding (all handwritten with a minimum of three to four sentences personalized to the gift giver and the gift given) and the bride who we gave the check to even sent me a fb message stating she was amazed and hoped she could get her's done as quickly as I did. *eyeroll*

Maybe she thought it was a wedding gift and plans on sending you a thank you note after the wedding. Either way, I'd let it go. Honestly I don't even remember who did or did not send me thank you notes over the years for gifts. I really don't pay attention to it.

Not to be mean, but if you don't want this woman in your life then what is all the fuss about?

you don't want to go to her wedding, and you don't want her at your wedding. if your mom is pushing the subject of it all, maybe you should just put your feelings out on the table to your mom that you want it all over. have you done that? if you have and she hasn't listened, then you tried.

sounds like a lot of back and forth over a friendship that is over and done. maybe it's time to just close the book on the whole thing if that's what you really want.

if you feel bad towards her, and she to you, then probably best to make sure those bad feelings aren't at either wedding and both agree to just not attend.

that way you're both off the hook let the moms feel how they feel about it, you're all grown women.

Yes....the gift did note that it was for her shower. Second, gift giving is completely regional...where we are (Michigan) gifts are only given for showers...they don't get send randomly and don't show up at the wedding (all that is done by cash in an envelope).

Regardless of whether the girl was confused about the whether the gift was for her shower (which occurred two days before the gift was received and 3 days after the shipping label on said package was created) OR the wedding (which is to occur almost three months after the gift was received) is a moot point. Should you not show appreciation and thanks towards a person when you are given ANY gift or should you just accept it without any acknowledgement, giving off and air of entitlement?

I wont give the benefit of the doubt because I don't understand why a person would wait to show another gratitude. Its absolutely baffles me. Instead I just plan on getting her mother's email address or phone number and let her know that something came up that day and FH and I will no longer be able to attend her daughter's wedding. I send the gift as well wish to them and congratulations on starting their new life together...and would have done the same thing with the wedding gift.

But my point is that (and not just her, but others I have encountered this with. Hell...my own MOH got married a year ago in July and has yet to send any thank you's for her shower OR wedding and thats got me irritated as well), how can a person be so vain, selfish, and full of themselves that they don't think this is required?

I stated this above also but will put it another way. Eleanor, if I were invited to you shower and arrived with a gift at one point that day you would either take the time to come over and thank me and the other guests for attending and the gift given or if I were to hand you a card directly, most people have an automatic response of "Thank You." How or why should this be any different?

So you're still arguing about why she should send a thank you. She should. That's not my point. My point is that getting so upset about it is petty. There has been no effective harm done to you.

@Stitching...I have talked to my mom about this several times (can you tell the irritation goes beyond not receiving a simple, stupid thank you card?). And she have even admitted that the only reason I was invited (originally she was not on my guest list) WAS because our mom's were friends.

Actually, my uncle (who hasn't seen them in about the length of time that I have) started this mess by inviting her parents to my cousin's wedding, thus making them invite him and his GF (but not my cousin) to her daughter's.

So I originally accepted just to appease my mom, because she had always dreamed that this girl and I would "be each other's maid of honor" and that her and her friend would be planning their daughters weddings together...

Finally I just laid down the law today and told my mom that I was going with my original thought, which hadn't been anything regarding this girl and inviting her to my wedding because we just don't know each other. I told her I was going to scratch her off the guest list and just continue on the business. She doesn't want to attend mine any more than I want to attend hers so I just ended the horrible loop. I still haven't heard back from mom but I'm sure she'll tell me more about how sad she is about it this weekend..

Kathlene - I see what you are saying. And I can certainly understand getting irritated at a series of not expressed gratitude for a gift or time spent or what have you. But one instance of not getting a thank you card?

If it's a dear friend, then one card shouldn't make or break the relationship. We should have years of history behind us. One card is not important enough to get worked up about. If it's someone I never speak to, then it's someone I have no relationship with, so why would I care? Again, not something to get worked up about.

In Maltese's case, I'd be more upset about spending $80+ on someone I never speak to than not getting a thank you card. It just seems like such a tiny thing to be upset over.

It's just in poor taste not to send one.

@Eleanor - She's not saying she's been harmed she's just venting about this person's bad manners. So be it. She can say how she feels. Plus she stated that's it's the turning point after a long stressed relationship with this person. I can see why she could choose to cut ties. it was the "icing on the cake".

That's fair. I never said she couldn't say how she feels. I was just responding with how I feel. I wasn't mean about it.