Not Getting a Thank You Card (**rant**)

No...you weren't. This story, in particular is two in one (1) The stupid thank you card and the way some people think its not ok to do and (2), irritation I feel. which is only accentuated by the forced guilt I felt in being made to felt pressured into doing so (sending a gift and adding her to the guest list when she shouldn't be there to begin with) and mad at myself for being talked into it when I know better

Now that the family drama has been further explained, this seems to be about way more than a thank you card. More about, trying to jump start a relationship based on parental desires and then realizing things aren't going to work. Family drama sucks. And if relationships aren't going to work, they aren't going to work. The card seems to be a very small factor.

Ooooh....now we are getting deep. ;-)

It seems that every couple years or so my mom tends to get on this kick about talking about how close this girl and I used to be (ok mom, we were 13) and that she wishes we still were because how neat it is to have a friend that you have know since that age (we were 3) and that I should call her.

I feel for that once and called her when we were 20. Nothing came of it, obviously, and that was a short, awkward conversation and the last time other than Facebook "likes."

Repeatedly I tell my mom that it wont happen and to let it be, she refuses. I'm a pretty guarded person and don't let anyone get to me twice. When we were younger, as all 13 year olds do, we started making new friends from our respective high schools that lived closer to us than the 5 FOREVER MILES that was between us at that age. She started blowing me off alot and very bratty and rudely at that age (when I was always very accommodating and would ask her to come do something with my school friends). So one day, it was her birthday, she calls me up and asks me to come over. My dropped me off and an hour or two later she told me to go home because her friend "Betty" was now coming over and that the only reason I was invited to her house was because Betty and the rest of her friends couldn't and that she would rather be with them, but now that she could she didn't want me around any more.

I know its a normal, bratty thing for a 13 year old girl to say but I was DEVASTATED and called her out on it the next time she was at my house a few weeks later. She told me that it was true and thats why she said it and she didn't like me anymore so we started fighting (middle of Michigan winter) and i literally pushed her out of the house into the snow with no jacket on (I was a brat) and waited for someone to come home and ground me.

I decided then that I didn't need a bazillion not close friends in my life, only a handful of super close ones that I can trust and spend time with and didn't talk to her until we were 20 (I'm good at grudges).

Wow....end of that spazz. Send me the bill...therapy received for the week!

I'd like to believe that people who don't send thank you notes just don't realize how offensive that is. That said, I don't blame you for being feeling offended. I've felt the same under similar circumstances.

So, a few options:

(1) she is not educated on "proper" etiquette regarding Thank Yous

(2) she's just rude: she knows and doesn't care

(3) there's something else going on in her life and she's had to prioritize

I used to put non-ThankYou people into the first 2 categories... until my experience surrounding my shower. My shower was ~5 weeks before the wedding. Within the 15 days after my shower, one of my best friends committed suicide and my cousin's 2 yr old ended up in the ICU after a household accident involving a deep fat fryer. On top of the normal wedding stress, I was totally overwhelmed. In the 2 weeks after the wedding, DH's house sold and we had to deal with the all the inspection/repair/moving craziness. MORE craziness. So the shower thank yous went out ~2 months after the shower (right before wedding thank yous started going out). Mortifying... but part of the prioritization process that helped preserve my sanity.

@songbird...in that case I would totally understand and would give you a pass on that one if I received the thank you at that time. I guess I was just needing a good vent.

Now FH is irritated with me because he wanted to go up north somewhere but declined because of this wedding and tells me that if I start acting like "this" then to not be surprised if people don't show up to our wedding...I tried to explain to him that she was initially NOT on the guest list of my side that I came up and was only added as a "pay back" for being invited to hers. Her parents still are on the list as a courtesy to mine and they want them there, but I consider that a totally different scenario...they can have some say as they are paying part of it

Thank you cards are definitely not the issue here.... she sounds like someone you don't need in your life. Don't attend her wedding, don't ivite her to yours, and move on, like you're planning.

Thank you's are such a hotspot for me. i have this one woman in our friend circle who... is so graceless and thankless that it's almost become a running joke that she has no idea how to say thank you for anything.

but. before it was funny, it made me really, really mad.

i think you're just venting and don't really need advice, but for what its worth, if you RSVP'd for the wedding, go. Grin, bear it, and life lesson learned, otherwise you are doing a tit-for-tat rudeness that gets nowhere.

if you didn't RSVP, no loss.

I went to a wedding 2 years ago and never received a thank you went to another 4 months ago no thank you either... Tbh I never even thought about it til now and I really don't care either way...

When I began reading posts on this site, I stopped to think if I could remember getting thank you cards for the gifts I gave at weddings. I am almost 100% sure I did receive them, but I honestly don't remember.

Which I guess just goes to show how important I think it is. I do send them, but I don't keep inventory of the ones I receive.

I didn't know thank you notes were such controversial topic. DAYUMMM.

I don't have a choice BUT to take inventory on things like this (severe documented OCD) and when things are disrupted and "not even" in my world (ex. sending a gift and not being told thank you for it) really throws me for a loop and stresses me out, even though I don't have any control of it. Since I was raised that getting a gift and sending a thank you card go hand in hand with each other, to me that's the way it SUPPOSED to be. Seriously, once I'm in the habit of doing something taking it out of my daily routine for any reason will disrupt me beyond belief, its really bad and FH is a sweetheart for putting up with it and living with all my "habits."

Ah, OCD. Got it.

They do go hand in hand, but remember that gifts should come with no expectations once given. Sometimes that means no card, too.

I hate when people don't send thank you's. I think it is so rude! Josh's cousin got married last year and I went to his wife's (fiance at the time) bridal shower, brought a gift and never recieved a thank you. Her shower had maybe 15 people there because they were having a small wedding. Then we go to the wedding and give them a generous gift (a check) and never recieve a thank you for that either. Then they come to our wedding this year and just give us a card, no money or gift. I obviously sent thank yous and made sure to thank her for the card. How selfish can someone really be? I can't stand to be around his cousin's wife now because I just think of how self centered she is.

What's rude, OP, is using the word "retarded" as a describing word. My Aunt has Down's and would take strong offense. I know I do. Think before you type, please.

What's retarded is finding every fucking reason to be offended at something. Every god damn thing is politically incorrect. For the love of god, look at the intent behind someone's words for a change. Was she specifically looking to offend your aunt? NO.

Don't swear! You might offend someone.

Don't say something is retarded because you might offend someone who is related to another who is mentally challenged. (when will "mentally challenged" be un-PC?).

Don't use handicapped because it might offend someone who actually IS handicapped. "Challenged" is accepted now.

Ghetto? Oh NO! "Disadvantaged area."

You know what? Let's just ban speaking. That will solve all our problems.

Thanks Sunshine Jenn! I actually DID pause and question my word choice after I typed it and said screw it, SOMEONE is bound to say something about it and these days you cant even sneeze without being offended.

I posted awhile ago how FH went to a DW and we gave a gift and still have not received a thank you (it was in May) I was really ticked off but now whatever I just know in the future not to expect thanks, they didn't even send in the RSVP...hello you just got married don't you know how frustrating that is??

Don't give her a baby gift when she gets knocked up!

This is so rude! I don't care how busy the bride is everyone is busy and you took time to get her a gift. You didn't have to get her anything at all but you did! I had all my shower thank you cards out less then a week after my shower! Yes it takes time but break it up over a few days. I'm with you I've always been taught to send thank you cards. My wedding thank you cards will be in the mail less then a month after our wedding.